Steph @ Racing Elephants

#parenthack When dealing with two kids, buy two of the same toy so they won’t fight. Just kidding. They’ll still fight over one of them.

Me: This jobs been killing me. I’m giving you my two weeks notice. Wife: It doesn’t work like that.

I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier , and tends to bark a lot . If you’re interested, let me know , and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you;

When Mommy Grows Up: A Career Guide for Moms, Served Up with Humor and Heart. Career development guidance from a career coach & funny mom. Chapters all based on lessons we teach our kids, reframed as strategies to build careers and lives we love. #PitMad #A #NF #HA

The odds of saying the right child’s name when calling out to them is 1/X, with the X variable representing the number of children you have.

@hmramos0503 @anxiousmommaof2 @ParentalGrit @PearlsFromMyrna @yourstayathome @beckand5 @dad_on_my_feet @AmyBunda @YourMomsucksTho @2adults4kids @Mirimade @ElephantsRacing Secret msgs aren't *normally* my gig but it's a special #ff!

Crazy weather? Here’s a fun, little piece about how they *really* get those weather forecasts. Fitting, since we may or may not have ice, snow, blowing winds, and more ice this weekend sammichespsychmeds.com/meteorologist-…

Pregnancy cravings aren't real. I never had any. They are just an excuse women use to eat junk and get fat. - Random idiot at the supermarket First of all, you just had a near death experience and I thought you should know. Second, shut up. Go away. Never talk again.

"Her likes, dislikes, hobbies & dreams, changed with every man she courted & every friend she found. It didn't take long for me to realize that August Bishop was an identity seeker. The young, charismatic & beautiful girl, had no identity of her own." #amwriting

Whenever I’m at a work meeting and I have to say the word “Street,” I instead say, “What’s that word again? Oh, yeah. Street!” Nobody gets me.

Grown-ups throw rice at weddings for good luck. Toddlers throw rice because it was for dinner, and to crush your life-spirit in their tiny, havoc-harvesting devil-fingers.

Mama: *makes meal plan* Mama: *writes shopping list* Mama: *cuts coupons* Mama: *drives to store* Mama: *buys groceries* Mama: *preps ingredients* Mama: *sets table* Mama: *cooks dinner* Daddy: *puts food on plate* 4yo: DADDY did it!! Daddy: *ducks flying saucepan*

Mommy! Yes? Mommy! Yes? Mommy! Yes? Mommy! Yes? Mommy! Yes? Mommy! Yes? Mommy! Yes? Mommy! Yes? Mommy! Yes? Mommy! Yes? Mommy! Yes? Mommy! Yes? Mommy! Yes? Mommy! Yes? Mommy! Yes? Mommy! Yes? Mommy! Yes? Mommy! OMG WHAT DO YOU WANT??? NO! Mommy don't be frustrated! -toddlers

@tweethappy2017 @LynnBrasier @leeleebb21 @LicensedtoDad @Lurpee @OhioMomoftwo @OhThatMomGlow @officerdaddo @VaughnDAAT @EmAsInMoney Thank you!

#FF time. Baby girl is babbling up a storm and blowing kisses to her Corduroy book. 💗💗💗I’m so in L-O-V-E! L @LynnBrasier @leeleebb21 @LicensedtoDad @Lurpee O @OhioMomoftwo @OhThatMomGlow @officerdaddo V @VaughnDAAT E @EmAsInMoney @ElephantsRacing

@Schaueredinlove @HelpingofHappy @arosemanifested @wiselittlehoots @mommysaidsoblog @ParentingCake @VaughnDAAT @PenlightsToPaci @Normallifemom @stephaniemroc @MommyPurposeful @NamasteMamaRose @motherhoodten @coffeemomrpt You’re awesome! Thank you!

#FF to all my ladies!! 💕 Happy Friday! @HelpingofHappy @arosemanifested @wiselittlehoots @mommysaidsoblog @ParentingCake @VaughnDAAT @PenlightsToPaci @ElephantsRacing @Normallifemom @stephaniemroc @MommyPurposeful @NamasteMamaRose @motherhoodten @coffeemomrpt

Do’s and Don’ts when raising a teenager: Don’t: *Act excited when you see them *Ask them how their day was *Make any jokes... they will never be funny *Expect any form of affection *Sing out loud when driving *Expect them to tell you that they love you Do: *Love them anyway

I’ve never been punched in the face but last night 2 head butted me so hard I have a swollen and bruised face this morning so don’t tell me becoming a parent makes life boring. *toddler’s head is of course totally fine*

@MacgyveringM22 My thoughts are always “if donuts are an acceptable breakfast, why not?”

2 kids just requested chicken nuggets & chips for breakfast, & the other asked for avocados & lollipops & now they’re in their fort eating exactly that while I drink my coffee in peace, so don’t be afraid to rewrite the rules bc honestly there are none when pure joy is the result

@mikethetrekkie 😂😂😂

I’m not saying kids are stinky. But I never had to play “what’s that smell?” before I had kids, so....