Das Messer

@omaha_scanner @DCSheriffNE Did you check Santa’s workshop? 5’6” adult male is probably assembling toys on the production line.

Warrant Wednesday. Contact @DCSheriffNE with any tips regarding Hill’s adult warrant.

@ShitpostGate I’ll take “Height Over Bore for a $1,000, Alex”

Got bored the other day and decided to turn my SP1 into the ultimate weapon

@SamKinnison1 @niccruzpatane Oh boy, a redditor got loose.

@niccruzpatane At least one wasn’t built by a racist nazi piece of shit though

Ferrari Luce EV vs Tesla Model 3 Performance Model 3: Luce: • $54,990 $650,000+ • 0-60 in 2.9s 0-60 in 2.4s • 309 mi range 280 mi range • 510hp 1,050 hp • 4,046 lbs 4,982 lbs • 82 kWh 122 kWh • 250 kW charging 350 kW charging • Self-Driving No Self-Driving What happened at Ferrari.

Lewis and Charles revealed fully electric Ferrari Luce.

@saarvicular @ithnani301 Your level of delusion is awe inspiring. Now back to Mumbai with you.

Stay poor then 😂 Us desi kings built up every country we touch, tech, medicine, startups, corner stores, the whole damn economy. Y’all were rotting in mediocrity before we showed up with actual skills and work ethic. Now you’re crying ‘protect your country’ while Indians are out here paying taxes that subsidize your broke welfare dreams and carrying entire industries. Without us? Enjoy staying poor and irrelevant. We’ll just keep building empires everywhere we go, king shit only. Cry harder, protect harder, achieve less. 🇮🇳💰

Protect your country. Don't let indians in.

@3YearLetterman Hmmm

Your tweets changed nothing. The world would be the exact same without them

The US is healing 🙏

@ShitpostGate By simply cancelling his show, CBS will immediately save $40MM/year. Crazy they subsidized such a liability for years.

Thank God

@reddit_lies The expectation isn’t equality, it’s preferential treatment.

"I thought being a pregnant female person of color would protect me from layoffs" Saying the quiet part out loud.

@warri0r24 @magills_ Couple more proletariat buzz words in there and you’ll be a hit on reddit.

@magills_ Capitalistic oligarchs and their simps don't even deny that such a thing as "$28 burrito" exists in the first place, they just look at you like this:

Gen Z won’t even write a budget they just order a $28 burrito and look at you like this

@reddit_lies 100% onboard with redditors not reproducing.

"I did it reddit, I got a vasectomy."

@dougboneparth Ooooh, an accredited investor.

Me after getting assigned 1 share in the SpaceX IPO…

@jarvis_best How much exposure to NVDA does Jarvis have 🤔

Whenever NVDA beats estimates the stock plummets 10% the next day for, like, no reason

@bonchieredstate Bot farms. That misspelling is a doozy. 🥴

Pakistani boy farms are not real life. At least not in America.

Ilhan Omar. Shri Thanedar. Pramila Jayapal. All born in foreign countries, none were citizens by birth. All sitting in the United States Congress. All making clear every single day their loyalty is not to America. We just introduced a long overdue joint resolution proposing a constitutional amendment to require Members of Congress, federal judges, and Senate-confirmed officers to be natural born citizens. This is the very same standard the President and Vice President are already required to meet. The people writing America's laws, confirming America's judges, and representing America on the world stage should have one loyalty: America. Not any other country. For too long we have allowed foreign born members to hold seats in this government while making clear they are America last, not America first. We see it every day. This constitutional amendment will put an end to it.

@skylermzx Rob Reiner kept his word. He hasn’t posted in months.

people say this every week and return to twitter

Does this standard only apply to illegal immigration? Do Americans who break the law get a pass because they’ve “lived here 24 years” or some other irrelevant qualifier? Why have laws at all, congressman?

@jarvis_best @scottlincicome Don’t forget about Crystal Pepsi.

@scottlincicome Times were different. We had Surge.

I am, however, proud to say I contributed to the mid-90s peak. 🤣

@LeadingReport Let them trade and invest in index funds. No individual stocks or stock derivatives.

Mike Johnson on stock trading in Congress: The counter argument is… We need to at least let them engage in some stock trading so they can continue to take care of their family.

@sircalebhammer Oy bruv! We maybe a lot of penniless blokes but at least we have government run healthcare mate.

If the United Kingdom were a US state, it would rank dead last on income per person, behind every single one of the 50 US states & DC. The average Briton, when asked to guess, said 7th. How did this happen? Basically... the UK is DONE. Watch today's doc: youtu.be/ITFz2aDjKxY