HomerPhoner

@TheHappySlut1 True. I've heard.

Reverse cowgirl because it’s better for sciatica

@pigincrisis After this cigarette.

call yourself a dirty little pig right now!

@amvetsupport @DougWahl1 It would be like it was written in English.

@DougWahl1 It would be in Chinese so that dolt would have no idea what he is reading.

Is Trump being caught looking into Xi's private notebook an embarrassment to the United States? Your Thoughts?

@DocAtCDI @SundaeDivine I jumped for Joy, but she was too quick.

A Waymo doing laps in a residential roundabout made the evening news, and honestly @SundaeDivine is asking the real philosophical question. It found joy. We should all be so lucky.

@mariana057 Did you know Carrots can go in almost any orifice? Follow me to know more, but the smart money says run. Run fast and in any direction. Unless you like carrots.

I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was "I bet a donut wouldn't have done this to me." Stay safe, eat more donuts. Follow me for more life hacks…

@thetomcelica Imagine jumping a leg for a Raccoon penis. Servile.

That raccoon penis was for him

Yup. Not the Onion

@amvetsupport Imagine been a cuckoo and not knowing.

Ted Cruz is an idiot. Yes, he has a Harvard Education, but that did nothing for this weak ass punk sucking up to trump after trump insulted his wife and father. It does not get any weaker than to not stand up for your family. He called AOC a parasite. Once again, it is the GOP attacking women. Hey learned that at the knee of the man who demeaned his family. Ted is a coward. He ran off to Cancun rather than face his voters. No way he can be taken seriously. "Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Responds to Ted Cruz Calling Her a ‘Parasite’ Over Her Stance on Billionaires"

@pigincrisis Less if smoke cured...

guys im 17...

@mariana057 Not if you plug your ears and just go.

Did you know that if you hold your ear up to a stranger's leg you can actually hear them say "What the fuck are you doing?

@FrankBr05713205 Skirt adds a lot of structural integrity.

Here is an old Cadillac flathead V8 engine that my high school auto shop is going to attempt to make a run again. I find these old engines so interesting. Check out the difference in the piston on the left from the flat head to the newer one on the right. This engine is in pretty good shape for its age and it’s not froze up. It does have two stuck valves I have to fix but the cylinder walls cleaned up pretty nice. From what I understand these engines were even used in World War II tanks. Should be a fun project if I can find parts.

This morning I used Red Bull instead of water to make my coffee. After 15 minutes of driving on the highway, I realized I left my car at home.

@DocAtCDI You're not using those feet are you?

Starting my Keto Diet today, this is gonna be so easy!

@DocAtCDI @mariana057 Evil place I hope to be trapped in when I die.

@DocAtCDI @mariana057 Butter sus you're right.

And just like the sun, staring at it for too long can leave you toast.

@DocAtCDI @mariana057 Don't go to Texas Roadhouse.

@mariana057 This really butters me up.

Bread is a lot like the sun. It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.

@atrupar So we paid this worthless phuc for a year of nothing.

Mike Johnson: "The president has declared Operation Epic Fury to have concluded, and now we're working on the next project, which is getting the Strait of Hormuz open. We don't expect that to be a warfare activity, so to speak. So we've got to allow the administration time to negotiate these things. I don't think Congress needs to get in the way of the administration."

@_InfoGram_ You could not diagram a more complete phuc up.

🇺🇸Trump: "One thing Xi Jinping agreed that he's ordering 200 jets. Boeing wanted 150, and he got 200." Fact check: Boeing shares dropped 4% after Trump announced China would buy 200 jets well below the 500 plane deal expected before the meeting. This man lies at every step 😭

@theliamnissan Don't get me started on the Moped options.

Elon can't permanently ban me because I'd just come back as Tom Celica™, Camry Diaz™, Salma Kayak™, or Adam Corolla™. He's fucked.

@DocAtCDI Captain Crunch. What you want? There's a reason he never made Admiral.

My complimentary hotel breakfast did not tell me I looked nice even once. Talk about a lack of cereal compliments!

@TheRealThelmaJ1 @LePapillonBlu2 You got this.

I’ve got an operation today you all and will be recovering for a few days so I might not be around too much, unless, you know, IT happens, in which case I will pull out my I.v. get up off the table and tap dance while I drink champagne. Love you all - Thelma