Heidi Paterson

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Heidi Paterson

Heidi Paterson

@ImHeidiPaterson

British Columbia, Canada Katılım Ağustos 2009
161 Takip Edilen9.3K Takipçiler
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Heidi Paterson
Heidi Paterson@ImHeidiPaterson·
TSA: are u carrying any firearms or explosives? Me: *points to crotch* u mean this bomb pussy? TSA: why do u always do this?
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Heidi Paterson
Heidi Paterson@ImHeidiPaterson·
@TorontoPearson What is it going to take to access your lost and found? I left 2 tablets in security and your staff is refusing to let anyone look. It’s pretty sad that complete strangers on the internet are more helpful than your entire staff. Please stop blocking their efforts.
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Heidi Paterson
Heidi Paterson@ImHeidiPaterson·
@NewWestPD Please do not use the word “relocated.” This is extremely deceitful. Tell the truth.
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New Westminster Police Department
Please be advised there is a Bear on the loose on the west side of New West. It was last seen near 14th St/London St. If you see the bear, please do not approach it. Our officers are currently dealing with conservation to ensure the bear is safely relocated. #newwest
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Heidi Paterson retweetledi
Scradley
Scradley@ColorMeScradd·
Free Fish Names Part 2: Sir Anthony Hopfins Shak-eel O'neal Iggy Ascalea Minnowna Ryder Sardean Koontz Jon Bonchovie Goldie Prawn Phillip Seafloor Hoffman
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Heidi Paterson retweetledi
Scradley
Scradley@ColorMeScradd·
Free fish names: Jessica Albacore James Panko Mila Tunis Pike Tyson Catfish Stevens Shark Ruffalo Beluga Ferrigno Mrs. Troutfire Keith
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Heidi Paterson
Heidi Paterson@ImHeidiPaterson·
Nice try, building that used to be a Pizza Hut.
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Heidi Paterson
Heidi Paterson@ImHeidiPaterson·
My biggest fear is getting cancer and not getting enough "likes" and "shares" for Jesus to heal me.
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Heidi Paterson
Heidi Paterson@ImHeidiPaterson·
Do men know it’s ok to pee in the toilet and not just on or around it?
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Heidi Paterson
Heidi Paterson@ImHeidiPaterson·
I was crying at the airport just now until they paged someone with the last name “scrotum.” Now I’m ok.
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Heidi Paterson
Heidi Paterson@ImHeidiPaterson·
Please don’t name your kid “Rylan.” That’s not even a real name.
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Heidi Paterson
Heidi Paterson@ImHeidiPaterson·
Hello 911? Yes, hi. My husband steals my tweets and thinks it’s funny.
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Heidi Paterson
Heidi Paterson@ImHeidiPaterson·
My favorite wrestler is cold stone steve ice cream
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Heidi Paterson
Heidi Paterson@ImHeidiPaterson·
My best friend passed away yesterday so please take a moment to admire his handsome face and go adopt a dog right now
Heidi Paterson tweet media
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Heidi Paterson
Heidi Paterson@ImHeidiPaterson·
Asterisk? You mean “tiny star?”
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Heidi Paterson
Heidi Paterson@ImHeidiPaterson·
Fact: If you cut a helicopter mom’s head off, she will continue to breast feed her baby til it’s like 35.
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Heidi Paterson
Heidi Paterson@ImHeidiPaterson·
If you post a selfie with a face full of makeup, captioned “sooo tired,” you can eat my butt with a spoon.
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Heidi Paterson
Heidi Paterson@ImHeidiPaterson·
Money saving tip: die
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Heidi Paterson
Heidi Paterson@ImHeidiPaterson·
Breakfast is the most important coffee and cigarette of the day.
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