Victor Laszlo

“As of today, I no longer consider myself a Catholic," says Sean Hannity, joining the many millions of Catholics who also no longer consider Sean Hannity a Catholic.

Surely China's President Xi realizes that if he wants to invade Taiwan, he'd better do it before January 2029 when the current occupant of the White House will be replaced by a president.

TODAY'S MILLER ANALOGY Trump : Republicans :: Jim Henson : Muppets

TRUMP'S LATEST TWEET: That chemical tank that almost exploded in California proves we need to build my beautiful ballroom!!!!

NOTE TO THE FRAGILE WHITE GUYS WHINING ON THIS THREAD: I block Trump Klux Klansmen. I don't debate them. Why bother? That debate was held 82 years ago. It was called D-Day and your side had the losing argument.

Pete Hegseth: “The single dumbest phrase in military history is ‘Our diversity is our strength.’” Actually, the single dumbest phrase in military history is “Secretary of War Pete Hegseth.” Pete said this to West Point’s Class of 2026, which is 21% women and 40% non-white.

@usatodayopinion Well, Timmy, surely you can’t be accused of chasing any one away — because nobody cares what you have to say in the first place. Most people have no fucking idea who you are. More people read Scientific American for its sports coverage than read USA Today for its opinion page.

Opinion: The “Late Show” finally goes dark, years after Stephen Colbert drove away those who don't see the world the way he sees it.  I'm glad to see him go. usatoday.com/story/opinion/…

@ai_sentience “If” is doing an awful lot of work in that sentence. You should give it the day off.

If God exists and we live in a simulation does that mean God is a programmer?

@BartomeoMatthew You’d be a lot easier to understand if you took off your hood, Adolf.

@Impolitics Diversity isn’t our strength. Unity of mission and values is. You’re a moron. Stop judging people by sex and race.

@annhybri And you are?

I need a nonchalant response to “I hate you”

@thedailybeast So the Church should just pretend it doesn't see the demon?

“What I don’t want from the Church is a kind of demonization of the Trump administration,” the bishop said. thedailybeast.com/maga-bishop-re…

@theerealtao What's there to explain? People change their minds.

How do you explain someone who was once an atheist later becoming a theist?

@Kristinartz Melania

What do you call a woman who lives alone, without a husband or partner?

@LibtardF1nder @GovofCO Your poor parents.

@GovofCO Nothing you democrat pricks do is "bipartisan" nor "cheaper, clean energy".

Colorado is proud to partner on a bipartisan basis with states across the region for cheaper, cleaner energy. By working together to expand geothermal energy, we can create good-paying jobs, strengthen energy independence, and continue building a more sustainable future for Colorado and the Mountain West. deseret.com/u-s-world/2026…

@GovofCO "By working together to expand geothermal energy, we can create good-paying jobs. And I'll probably need one of those jobs, because now that I sucked up to Trump by freeing a traitor, no Democrat will ever vote for me again. And my dog Gia just pissed on me! Bad girl! #FreeGia

@aigkenham Then why do so many evangelicals support the Racist-in-Chief?

Genesis is clear that there is only one race biologically: the human race.

The standard Fox “News” panel of clownservatives always includes one pet Democrat who says the exact same reactionary crap everyone else says, but precedes it with these eight words: “I am a Democrat, and even I think…” That will be John Fetterman’s job as of January 2029.

@MetamateDaz Had they cared about anything other than getting rich, they wouldn’t have become billionaires in the first place.

I genuinely don't understand people like Bezos and Musk. If I had billions of dollars, I would just start fixing everything. Homeless veterans sleeping on the streets? Not on my watch. Hungry children going to bed with empty stomachs? Hell no. They could be making life better but instead choose to build spaceships and data centers to pump stocks and destroy the planet

Three years from now, it will be obvious to everyone that John Fetterman's term in the Senate was a six-year audition for a gig with Fox "News."

@leshaami @MiloVelimirovic In other words, you’re a vegetarian.

Somebody asked me why I don’t eat octopus. I told them that I do not eat any animals that are more intelligent than the current president of USA

@greggutfeld It’s true — your show is cheaper because it only takes a handful of assholes to produce an hour of shit.

And it’s the reason they were canceled. That head count is more than most decent sized businesses. For 3 jokes a night, at best.