Jane Britton

Farewell Robert Redford x

Today is World suicide prevention day. Every 90 minutes, someone in the UK or Ireland dies by suicide. We can all make a difference by checking in on those around us.

Right then here goes... ANNUAL RANT ALERT!! Triggered by adverts and TV chefs😠😠 Christmas Dinner.... I have concluded that the inevitable stress of Christmas dinner is created by adverts, supermarkets and TV chefs... It's a Sunday dinner for goodness sake!!! We do it quite happily 51 weeks of the year but can we the consumers be trusted to manage by ourselves on one day of the year...apparently not! Here goes... 1. Turkey... It's a big fecking chicken that's all, 20 minutes per lb plus 20 minutes at 180 degrees - jobs a good un! Get yourselves a meat thermometer £3 off the Internet poke it in the offending bird if it says 75 degrees or over it’s cooked! 2. Stuffing - regardless of what Jamie Oliver says you do NOT need 2lbs of shoulder of pork, onions breadcrumbs,pine nuts and a shit load of fresh herbs to make stuffing....( no fecking wonder he's bankrupt if thats what he spends to make stuffing!) What you need is Paxo and a kettle!! If you wanna liven it up squeeze 3 sausages out of their skins and mix that in with your Paxo before cooking 😉. 3. Gravy - Jamie Oliver is copping for this one aswell.... Gravy granules Jamie.... All you need is gravy granules! I ( nor any other woman I know) has got time on Christmas Eve to piss about roasting chicken wings and vegetables, adding stock and flour,cooking it for another half hour, mashing it all up with a potato masher and then straining the whole sorry mess to make gravy 😠😠😠 4. Vegetables... Never mind faffing round shredding sprouts and frying them with bacon and chestnuts to make them more palatable... If you don't like them don't buy and cook the fecking things!! If your family only eats frozen peas then that's good enough! 5. Roast potatoes... Yes I par boil mine then roast them in goose fat but Aunt Bessie also does the same 😉. 6. Trimmings /Christmas pudding and the like.... Aldi or Lidl! (oh and while we're on the subject of pudding- if birds custard is what your family likes on the wretched thing then that's fine - you do not need brandy butter /rum sauce etc or anything else that costs a fecking fortune and takes 2 hours to make!) 7. Family.... Children.. Feed the little blighters first separately, if they only want turkey with tomato sauce - fine leave em to it, it doesn't matter. Once they are fed bugger them off to play with their Christmas presents so that YOU can enjoy your dinner in Peace! Adults... Anyone that can manage to get their sorry arse to your dinner table is also capable of helping to serve up/ sort the kids out/ clear the table /wash up /dry up etc. And Finally..... NO ONE.... And I mean no one APART FROM THE COOK IS ALLOWED TO GET PISSED AND FALL ASLEEP BEFORE THE WASHING UP IS DONE!!! Rant over 😂 Merry feckin Christmas!

Listen, if Taylor Swift suddenly gets awarded a contract to provide healthcare services to the NHS, is given part of the HS2 line to run or gets given a life peerage like Lord Siberia or whatever he’s called, then let’s chat about Starmer taking his kids to her concert shall we.

@jrbjms2011 @NancySinatra One of my favorite songs from the 60s These Boots Are Made For Walkin' 👢🎶 Nancy Sinatra 🫡 youtu.be/GM1kzbAgo_E?si…

Free legal advice: You don’t have to attend a riot to be prosecuted for conspiracy to riot. You don’t have to be present at a terrorist incident to be guilty of encouraging it. A lot of Twitter warriors will be getting some unpleasant knocks on the door over the coming weeks.

“Merseyside police working flat out on a murder inquiry shouldn’t have to waste their time dealing with an attention-seeking backbencher from Essex, one who wrongly blamed riots in Leeds on “the politics of the subcontinent”.Spot on ⁦@gabyhinsliff⁩👇 theguardian.com/commentisfree/…

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It's impossible to view the postings of Farage, without utter revulsion. He masquerades as a " reasoned commentator" on what he claims to be a national crisis linked to immigrants while claiming he deplores any lawlessness. Then he hints at more lawlessness if his warnings are not heeded. The reality is that his entire political future is dependent on fomenting confrontation and division. It is by creating a climate of crisis that he has got where he has. And some of my former Conservative colleagues have argued the Conservatives should be linking up with Reform! Perhaps this shameful episode will open their eyes to his malevolence.

My followers have dropped off again. Usually I find that this is Twitter glitch (automatic, deliberate?) and people have been kicked off from following me without their knowledge. No idea why. If you can help me reach them by RTing that would be amazing!

@resophonick @peterrsimms @KemiBadenoch bit patronising @AngelaRayner excellent non reaction

@PeteUK7 @deeokelly1 Different sport but Tour de France affected by Covid- it’s not gone away :(

It doesn't look like a "post pandemic Olympics return to normal" to me with the Australian team all turning up wearing proper respirators (see video below). You're being duped if you think the pandemic is over. See how they are trying to tell 'fans' that everything is fine.

@itvracing @chamberlinsport Great question. People need to be accountable.

🗣️ "Test and Trace was an expensive disaster in most people's eyes... How do you reassure people you will make the right decisions?" Ed Chamberlin speaks with Dido Harding, Senior Steward at the Jockey Club. #ITVRacing | @chamberlinsport

@BladeoftheS Went off him the moment he moved to Singapore. Same with the Wetherspoon 🤡

1/3rd of his workers rather than all of them, but he cut 1/5th in 202 as well so it will be all of them before long it seems.

James Dyson is pulling all his staff out of UK, he has already taken his accounts to Singapore so he doesn't pay tax. Don't buy any of sh*tty Dyson products and let everyone else know.

@ChrisGPackham we have ducks come to feed in our garden and we love them. Mr and mrs often come by together. Tonight Mrs duck came alone. How do we best look after them?

@afneil 🤡

SO Angela Rayner is housing minister. Best I just leave it there.

I don't get to vote in this election, but I do have to live with whoever you elect. No pressure. #GeneralElection24

I’m flabbergasted that there’s still millions who say they’re yet to decide which way to vote.🤷🏼‍♂️ So let’s give @JonathanPieNews the last word. If this doesn’t move you to understanding there’s only one morally viable option, check with your doctor that you’re not clinically dead!