Jen

@indietiredboi @Midgetspar @SlabBaconBP @JermHimselfish @NikiWithIssues @Lisa_Laughs_ @Juan_Golbezze *taps mic* is this thing still on? Hii! Sadly I doubt I still look like mine. Wow, Twitter, what a wild ride that was haha.

@Jake_Vig My knees

This episode of Punk'd is getting way out of hand.

Love in the Time of Corona instagram.com/p/B-lARzbHn-l/…

It's a leap year. Evidently meaning January was 34 weeks long, February was a day and a half and now it's, what? Christmas again? How old am I now?

"Welcome to the HMRC website. Please enter your 124 digit personal log in code that we may or may not have sent you 16 years ago. Forgotten it? OK answer these security questions. Question one. Fuck you. You have failed security. To pay your tax you must now light the beacons"

Being a high functioning depressed person is cool because you can do everything you need to do whilst feeling dead inside and constantly wondering if your presence is a detriment to every other life you interact with and also you're always tired

You're only lost if you knew where you were going.

Disney movies taught me it's perfectly ok to be sexually attracted to a candlestick.

I like turning the end of my yawn into a scream just to see who's paying attention.

I enjoy finding things and temporarily enjoying them before misplacing them again.

Describe yourself in one word. Me: um

Not giving a fuck is a very efficient form of birth control.

Avoid eye contact with strangers by not getting so close to strangers' eyes.

I'm living proof you can't die of boredom.

Isn't pizza great! Delicious, convenient and the ultimate weapon to smother your enemies and then eat the evidence.

I have gotten outta bed 365 days a year for 37 years. That is 13,505 sit-ups. And not ONE ab to show for it.

So while the East Coast gets buried in snow it rains Harrison Ford's in California.

When do you figure out who you are?

I am a walking living breathing embodiment of a facepalm