Keith Talentless

Someone left a hat at work. Ngl if it isn't claimed within a couple of days I'm having it

@5goalthriller Reminds me of 8 Ace, Viz's thirsty family man, actually being called Octavius.

Never not funny #TOTP

@London__Smoke @Zaphod2042 The most annoying thing about my old account getting bollixed is that Nancy used to follow me. Presumably due to an admin error but still.

@Zaphod2042 I like that she bodied fucknut there into deleting. 🎶 These boots are made for walking... 🎶

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Botswanan, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabé, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese person, a Colombian, a Comorian, a Congolese person, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djiboutian, a Dominican, a Dutch person, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorian, an Egyptian, an Emirati, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a French person, a Gabonese person, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hong Konger, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irish person, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittitian and Nevisian, a Kosovar, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyzstani, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy person, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivian, a Malian, a Maltese person, a Marshallese person, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monégasque, a Mongolian, a Montenegrin, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese person, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irish person, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese person, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese person, a São Toméan, a Saudi Arabian, a Scottish person, a Senegalese person, a Serbian, a Seychellois person, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovak, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali person, a South African, a South Korean, a South Sudanese, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese person, a Surinamese person, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss person, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese person, a Tongan, a Trinidadian and Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Turkmen, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, an Uzbek, a Vanuatuan, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welsh person, a Yemeni, a Zambian, and a Zimbabwean… All walk up to a bar. The doorman stops them and says: “Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai.”

@HiddenYorkshire This horse agrees

I know this is weak anthropic principle because fruits & veg were bred to taste good but sometimes I think...aren't we lucky that food tastes good? i mean, cows and horses just eat grass all day. it's purely fuel for them. but we are blessed with food that tastes GOOD. even meat! food didn't *have* to taste nice. but it does. aren't we lucky?

Onus is now on Makerfield CLP to do the funniest thing ever. "We were impressed by Mr Burnham's CV, but Marjorie has been a damned good parish councillor and her jam sponge is to die for, so we're going with her"

@MikeFirth4 @deminimismusic @Lindsay04555896 @Zaphod2042 @London__Smoke @atomicjoy @lucy_la_la @MartinWWalker @Shiv_who_burns @andrew10612 @aclockworkmonk @BradfemlyWalsh @CyranodEcosse @HeadBerry @stuartmwrites @drclawscat @WillMonk09 @Peacefulheight @TimmyODanaos @WideyMcKnacker @HoraceSpellman9 @jokers_tailor @Lisa_0Connor @VintageMrHobbes @AwakenSlowly @likesmokenoakum @ruthan_badd @AndyinBrum @JuliaAn03598582 @slowpurrrr @FrankDracMan_ @fharris2011 @SO3_Clausewitz @kifatlarge @JillCollier16 @TheProject_Heid @thesundaysport @AllezNeg @leigh_fell @Stocklington @JusticeTrousers @jhgr81 @MrJonnieB @MorganE07969703 @66Steph82 @barrow_alex @gazzamc71 @elseverwoerd @JoeBangles11 Accidentally saw an episode of It Ain't Half Hot Mum the other night. You can see why the BBC don't repeat it but it's actually fairly tame compared to Mind Your Language, never mind Curry And Chips.

@deminimismusic @Lindsay04555896 @Zaphod2042 @London__Smoke @atomicjoy @lucy_la_la @MartinWWalker @Shiv_who_burns @andrew10612 @aclockworkmonk @BradfemlyWalsh @CyranodEcosse @HeadBerry @KeithTalentless @stuartmwrites @drclawscat @WillMonk09 @Peacefulheight @TimmyODanaos @WideyMcKnacker @HoraceSpellman9 @jokers_tailor @Lisa_0Connor @VintageMrHobbes @AwakenSlowly @likesmokenoakum @ruthan_badd @AndyinBrum @JuliaAn03598582 @slowpurrrr @FrankDracMan_ @fharris2011 @SO3_Clausewitz @kifatlarge @JillCollier16 @TheProject_Heid @thesundaysport @AllezNeg @leigh_fell @Stocklington @JusticeTrousers @jhgr81 @MrJonnieB @MorganE07969703 @66Steph82 @barrow_alex @gazzamc71 @elseverwoerd @JoeBangles11 I liked/like most of the Croft/Lloyd/Perry shiz apart from Oh Doctor Beeching! of course. You Rang M'Lord? was slightly subversive in an Ever Decreasing Circles type of way. Also, we had Cuddly Ken.

@BradfemlyWalsh @lucy_la_la @Lindsay04555896 @HeadBerry @MartinWWalker @KeithTalentless @Zaphod2042 @London__Smoke @MikeFirth4 @aclockworkmonk @stuartmwrites @atomicjoy @andrew10612 @drclawscat @WillMonk09 @Shiv_who_burns @Peacefulheight @TimmyODanaos @WideyMcKnacker @HoraceSpellman9 @jokers_tailor @Lisa_0Connor @deminimismusic @VintageMrHobbes @AwakenSlowly @likesmokenoakum @ruthan_badd @AndyinBrum @JuliaAn03598582 @slowpurrrr @FrankDracMan_ @fharris2011 @SO3_Clausewitz @kifatlarge @JillCollier16 @TheProject_Heid @thesundaysport @AllezNeg @leigh_fell @Stocklington @JusticeTrousers @jhgr81 @MrJonnieB @MorganE07969703 @66Steph82 @barrow_alex @gazzamc71 @elseverwoerd @JoeBangles11 Not at all, huge economic shift during the 90s, by the time I left school in '96, that was less the case but at the end of the 80s, yep

Having an entire day to commemorate 5 Arab nations trying and failing to exterminate the Jews shortly after the Holocaust is the most Palestinian thing ever. Happy Nakba Day to all those celebrating!

@WillMonk09 @deminimismusic @MikeFirth4 @Zaphod2042 @London__Smoke @atomicjoy @lucy_la_la @MartinWWalker @Shiv_who_burns @andrew10612 @aclockworkmonk @BradfemlyWalsh @CyranodEcosse @Lindsay04555896 @HeadBerry @stuartmwrites @drclawscat @Peacefulheight @TimmyODanaos @WideyMcKnacker @HoraceSpellman9 @jokers_tailor @Lisa_0Connor @VintageMrHobbes @AwakenSlowly @likesmokenoakum @ruthan_badd @AndyinBrum @JuliaAn03598582 @slowpurrrr @FrankDracMan_ @fharris2011 @SO3_Clausewitz @kifatlarge @JillCollier16 @TheProject_Heid @thesundaysport @AllezNeg @leigh_fell @Stocklington @JusticeTrousers @jhgr81 @MrJonnieB @MorganE07969703 @66Steph82 @barrow_alex @gazzamc71 @elseverwoerd @JoeBangles11 x.com/i/status/20532…

@KeithTalentless @deminimismusic @MikeFirth4 @Zaphod2042 @London__Smoke @atomicjoy @lucy_la_la @MartinWWalker @Shiv_who_burns @andrew10612 @aclockworkmonk @BradfemlyWalsh @CyranodEcosse @Lindsay04555896 @HeadBerry @stuartmwrites @drclawscat @Peacefulheight @TimmyODanaos @WideyMcKnacker @HoraceSpellman9 @jokers_tailor @Lisa_0Connor @VintageMrHobbes @AwakenSlowly @likesmokenoakum @ruthan_badd @AndyinBrum @JuliaAn03598582 @slowpurrrr @FrankDracMan_ @fharris2011 @SO3_Clausewitz @kifatlarge @JillCollier16 @TheProject_Heid @thesundaysport @AllezNeg @leigh_fell @Stocklington @JusticeTrousers @jhgr81 @MrJonnieB @MorganE07969703 @66Steph82 @barrow_alex @gazzamc71 @elseverwoerd @JoeBangles11 Thank god its not just me. Still pretty funny but tedious at times.

@deminimismusic @MikeFirth4 @Zaphod2042 @London__Smoke @atomicjoy @lucy_la_la @MartinWWalker @Shiv_who_burns @andrew10612 @aclockworkmonk @BradfemlyWalsh @CyranodEcosse @Lindsay04555896 @HeadBerry @stuartmwrites @drclawscat @WillMonk09 @Peacefulheight @TimmyODanaos @WideyMcKnacker @HoraceSpellman9 @jokers_tailor @Lisa_0Connor @VintageMrHobbes @AwakenSlowly @likesmokenoakum @ruthan_badd @AndyinBrum @JuliaAn03598582 @slowpurrrr @FrankDracMan_ @fharris2011 @SO3_Clausewitz @kifatlarge @JillCollier16 @TheProject_Heid @thesundaysport @AllezNeg @leigh_fell @Stocklington @JusticeTrousers @jhgr81 @MrJonnieB @MorganE07969703 @66Steph82 @barrow_alex @gazzamc71 @elseverwoerd @JoeBangles11 First series was more of a pastiche/parody of BBC Shakespeare productions than a straight-forward sitcom. 2 and 3 still stand up, 4 is where it all gets a bit pious.

@MikeFirth4 @Zaphod2042 @London__Smoke @atomicjoy @lucy_la_la @MartinWWalker @Shiv_who_burns @andrew10612 @aclockworkmonk @BradfemlyWalsh @CyranodEcosse @Lindsay04555896 @HeadBerry @KeithTalentless @stuartmwrites @drclawscat @WillMonk09 @Peacefulheight @TimmyODanaos @WideyMcKnacker @HoraceSpellman9 @jokers_tailor @Lisa_0Connor @VintageMrHobbes @AwakenSlowly @likesmokenoakum @ruthan_badd @AndyinBrum @JuliaAn03598582 @slowpurrrr @FrankDracMan_ @fharris2011 @SO3_Clausewitz @kifatlarge @JillCollier16 @TheProject_Heid @thesundaysport @AllezNeg @leigh_fell @Stocklington @JusticeTrousers @jhgr81 @MrJonnieB @MorganE07969703 @66Steph82 @barrow_alex @gazzamc71 @elseverwoerd @JoeBangles11 Ha! I agree that it's not aged well but IMO it's the 1st series that really creaks & groans. I reckon the Elizabethan Blackadder still holds up well, & last series was only ever funny when Rik Mayall was in it. Otherwise it was all about too much preachy bollocks.

@portraitinflesh I got the same. Was expecting Centrist Dad.

"I took the Find My Politics test (findmypolitics.com) — my closest ideology: Progressive Realist Lean left, stay practical. Real change over ideological purity." Seems about right. Interesting exercise, anyway.

Israel has trained sea otters to pinch Palestinian bottoms and say “Cheer up, love, it’s only a bit of fun”

@HeadBerry @BradfemlyWalsh Not long now until lollipop men are called Darren #HMHB

@BradfemlyWalsh I think my kids have missed out not being a school with Waynes, Garys and Nigels.

Waymo sounds like the nickname we would've given a thick lad called Wayne at school

I would say this is probably the greatest joke ever written for the sheer fact of how many times your Dad or Granddad has said this line when an ambulance or Police car goes by with its sirens on

There is a parallel universe where Tindersticks were as big as Oasis. And I wish I lived in it. youtu.be/A3hHYUlu9DY?si…

@HeadBerry @Zaphod2042 @London__Smoke @MikeFirth4 @aclockworkmonk @Lindsay04555896 @stuartmwrites @atomicjoy @MartinWWalker @andrew10612 @lucy_la_la @drclawscat @WillMonk09 @Shiv_who_burns @Peacefulheight @TimmyODanaos @WideyMcKnacker @HoraceSpellman9 @jokers_tailor @Lisa_0Connor @deminimismusic @BradfemlyWalsh @CyranodEcosse @VintageMrHobbes @AwakenSlowly @likesmokenoakum @ruthan_badd @AndyinBrum @JuliaAn03598582 @slowpurrrr @FrankDracMan_ @fharris2011 @SO3_Clausewitz @kifatlarge @JillCollier16 @TheProject_Heid @thesundaysport @AllezNeg @leigh_fell @Stocklington @JusticeTrousers @jhgr81 @MrJonnieB @MorganE07969703 @66Steph82 @barrow_alex @gazzamc71 @elseverwoerd @JoeBangles11 I always thought the best thing about Victoria Wood was that she was ALWAYS 5 seconds and a bad decision from telling a FILTHY joke. Just looked like she had it in her. She'd been on a night aht in Wakefield.

@Zaphod2042 @London__Smoke @MikeFirth4 @aclockworkmonk @Lindsay04555896 @stuartmwrites @atomicjoy @MartinWWalker @andrew10612 @lucy_la_la @drclawscat @WillMonk09 @Shiv_who_burns @Peacefulheight @KeithTalentless @TimmyODanaos @WideyMcKnacker @HoraceSpellman9 @jokers_tailor @Lisa_0Connor @deminimismusic @BradfemlyWalsh @CyranodEcosse @VintageMrHobbes @AwakenSlowly @likesmokenoakum @ruthan_badd @AndyinBrum @JuliaAn03598582 @slowpurrrr @FrankDracMan_ @fharris2011 @SO3_Clausewitz @kifatlarge @JillCollier16 @TheProject_Heid @thesundaysport @AllezNeg @leigh_fell @Stocklington @JusticeTrousers @jhgr81 @MrJonnieB @MorganE07969703 @66Steph82 @barrow_alex @gazzamc71 @elseverwoerd @JoeBangles11 You lot are just filth merchants. It was a Victoria Wood reference

@petrolemulsion @lucy_la_la @KeithTalentless @WillMonk09 @London__Smoke @drclawscat @aclockworkmonk @atomicjoy @Zaphod2042 @Lindsay04555896 @stuartmwrites @MartinWWalker @MikeFirth4 @HeadBerry @deminimismusic @CyranodEcosse @andrew10612 @WideyMcKnacker @HoraceSpellman9 @jokers_tailor @BradfemlyWalsh @TimmyODanaos @Shiv_who_burns @VintageMrHobbes @AwakenSlowly @likesmokenoakum @ruthan_badd @AndyinBrum @JuliaAn03598582 @slowpurrrr @Lisa_0Connor @FrankDracMan_ @fharris2011 @SO3_Clausewitz @kifatlarge @JillCollier16 @TheProject_Heid @thesundaysport @AllezNeg @leigh_fell @Stocklington @JusticeTrousers @jhgr81 @MrJonnieB @MorganE07969703 @66Steph82 @barrow_alex @gazzamc71 @elseverwoerd @JoeBangles11 Fuertenventura for a week. ☀️

@MikeFirth4 @aclockworkmonk @HeadBerry @Zaphod2042 @London__Smoke @Lindsay04555896 @stuartmwrites @atomicjoy @MartinWWalker @andrew10612 @lucy_la_la @drclawscat @WillMonk09 @Shiv_who_burns @Peacefulheight @TimmyODanaos @WideyMcKnacker @HoraceSpellman9 @jokers_tailor @Lisa_0Connor @deminimismusic @BradfemlyWalsh @CyranodEcosse @VintageMrHobbes @AwakenSlowly @likesmokenoakum @ruthan_badd @AndyinBrum @JuliaAn03598582 @slowpurrrr @FrankDracMan_ @fharris2011 @SO3_Clausewitz @kifatlarge @JillCollier16 @TheProject_Heid @thesundaysport @AllezNeg @leigh_fell @Stocklington @JusticeTrousers @jhgr81 @MrJonnieB @MorganE07969703 @66Steph82 @barrow_alex @gazzamc71 @elseverwoerd @JoeBangles11 That's easy for you to say

@aclockworkmonk @HeadBerry @Zaphod2042 @London__Smoke @Lindsay04555896 @stuartmwrites @atomicjoy @MartinWWalker @andrew10612 @lucy_la_la @drclawscat @WillMonk09 @Shiv_who_burns @Peacefulheight @KeithTalentless @TimmyODanaos @WideyMcKnacker @HoraceSpellman9 @jokers_tailor @Lisa_0Connor @deminimismusic @BradfemlyWalsh @CyranodEcosse @VintageMrHobbes @AwakenSlowly @likesmokenoakum @ruthan_badd @AndyinBrum @JuliaAn03598582 @slowpurrrr @FrankDracMan_ @fharris2011 @SO3_Clausewitz @kifatlarge @JillCollier16 @TheProject_Heid @thesundaysport @AllezNeg @leigh_fell @Stocklington @JusticeTrousers @jhgr81 @MrJonnieB @MorganE07969703 @66Steph82 @barrow_alex @gazzamc71 @elseverwoerd @JoeBangles11 One of the few things I remember about "studying" Aristophanes, along with Nephelokokkygia.

@BradfemlyWalsh Should we run a sweepstake on how long before Talcum X claims the flotilla got forcibly bummed by Jewish dolphins?

Now THIS is a new James Bond I'd be eager to watch!

With the England Test squad announcement, I’m actually getting really excited for the upcoming Test series against New Zealand. There are some fine players in that squad. It could be a really good, closely-fought series... You’d think I’d have learnt better by now, wouldn’t you? 🤦

The band Pulp were formed before the launch of Diet Coke.