Brian Krassenstein Press Release___(parody)

Do you understand the severity and gravity of the situation? Hallowed be the name of our divine prophet Greta Thunberg, an emissary of Mother Earth. "You have stolen my dreams and my childhood with your empty words. And yet I’m one of the lucky ones. People are suffering. People are dying. Entire ecosystems are collapsing. We are in the beginning of a mass extinction, and all you can talk about is money and fairy tales of eternal economic growth. How dare you!"- Greta Thunberg These words spoken by our Prophet are heavy in substance yet articulate enough for all to understand. These are characteristics of a true Mother Teresa. We must follow the commandments that our Lord Greta has brought down upon us from the heavens that be. Commandment 1: "Thou shall not fly private unless one promotes Climate Change Commandment 2: Thou shall always amplify the unheard Commandment 3: Thou shall always use a bidet Commandment 4: Thou shall upload pictures to social media riding a bike and picking up trash Commandment 5: Thou shall convert the nonbeliever Do you understand the gravity of the situation now?

After watching this… tell me I’m not the only one who thinks this could be a scene straight out of The Office? 🤔

I know this might seem pesky for you but again please back this up with logic and facts. Also, using AI to help make your response does not make it anymore REAL. This is why the majority agree that I represent the Center. This is why I’m so effective. This is why both sides hate me. It’s simply because I don’t go along with the Misinformation and Disinformation Industrial Complex. What I do is lay out the facts and let the chips fall wherever they land.

The legacy media are just propaganda puppets. 𝕏 has the truth.

@krassenstein @elonmusk Unlike me who simply lay out both sides of the argument so the viewer can come to their own conclusion. This is why I’m so popular. The people are hungry for what I do.

@elonmusk The media has become talkshow hosts giving opinions and pushing their ideas rather than actual News People prefer entertainment over actual boring news, unfortunately.

One thing is for certain from last night’s debate: CNN is clearly in cahoots with the Trump Campaign. Those debate rules set forth benefitted him the most. We must never let CNN get away with something like this again. A TRUE THREAT TO DEMOCRACY!

@mtgreenee 20% on the dot…shameful. It should of been higher.

I absolutely LOVE President Trump’s plan for NO TAX ON TIPS!! Write it on every receipt you sign!

This blatant and outright EXTREME disinformation campaign waged against me means I am being effective when it comes to closing the gap between all Political factions. This is why I stay on X. This is why I keep on pushing. This is why I am the self appointed ambassador of the Center. @AbbySoMaddy you do not intimidate me. Again this proves I’m succeeding.

@annacarol1895 @AbbySoMaddy @atensnut @krassenstein0 Actually, not everyone knows it? You know why? Because the majority who represent the middle and use common sense can see right through this disinformation.

@AbbySoMaddy @atensnut @krassenstein0 @Krassenstein___ Everybody knows that

1970’s bathroom. Does anyone know what the stairs were for?

@AbbySoMaddy @slave_2_liberty @atensnut @krassenstein0 We who represent the middle demand a retraction @slave_2_liberty . This is beyond the pale. @AbbySoMaddy are you trying to start a civil war with this extreme rhetoric?

@AbbySoMaddy @evelym_nv @atensnut @krassenstein0 What do you mean by the real ones? This is blatant disinformation and is an extreme threat to Democracy. Community Notes need to fix this. Sizeism is also not cool and I’m sure the MAGA types don’t care but for the majority we do.

@AbbySoMaddy @atensnut @krassenstein0 Community Notes do your thing this dangerous disinformation is a threat to Democracy. This is not for us.

@alx Alert 🚨 this is clearly fake. X Community Notes go do yah thing. This disinformation is clearly a threat to Democracy we must correct it NOW

CNN refuses to report on this

@Timcast Sir Timothy we all know how cringe you used to be and still are. As we speak you cosplay as the 8th grade Tony Hawk.

i hope gen z finds these guys cool cuz it would be a huge 180 from when i was their age

@chrisdmowrey @harryjsisson Nice place you guys got there. Curious to know how much ActBlue pays both of you because I want to hop on that same contract. Please reach out, me want big house too.

TRUMP CONVICTED- DEMOCRACY WINS! @harryjsisson

Thrilled, but why!? Because Orange Man Meany Face Trump got nailed for a nothing burger crime! Proof that even a wannabe dictator isn't above the law. This is a win for big-D Democracy, justice, and every American who believes in accountability. Time to go back to watching CNN.

@krassenstein It’s this simple folks: if you can’t do the time don’t do the crime. Follow this golden rule and you too can be like me.

Trump: "Mother Teresa could not beat these charges”. I mean maybe I’m mistaken and if I am please somebody correct me. Mother Teresa never slept with a P-rn star before realizing that if people found out about it they wouldn’t vote for her, and therefore paid said p-rn star off.

@GuyDealership Curious to know how much Buick paid you to post this. Does anyone actually think this was genuine?

Just drove by a new Buick Envista. All I can say is WOW. This thing looked really good .. almost couldn't believe it was a Buick. Did a quick Google search and saw it starts at $22,400. Bullish.

@alexbruesewitz @Timcast @realDonaldTrump Those numbers are bigly low. To have bigly big numbers he should of had me on instead. These are not opinions, they are facts.

97,000 watching @Timcast / @realDonaldTrump interview right now. Massive numbers 🔥

@Timcast To put it candidly, @Timcast should of brought me back on the show instead. Thats clearly what the people want and deserve!

@Timcast Timothy Beanie Pool we get it you talked to this nothing burger of an individual. Now go back to cosplaying 8th grade Tony Hawk.