M-Dog

I’ve just sampled a Hawksmoor at Home Box, my entire place smells like meat and beef dripping, and apart from being shortlisted for a haircut on the 4th with my fave barber, I’ve never been happier. Watch this space on how you can get yours. 🥩

@DaveJCritchley This you?

My son’s obsessed with sausage dogs … it’s the only dog he will entertain having, looking at a rescue but all The Sausages get snapped up fast - also have concerns about thorough Breds and their health issues. Would love a sausage cross breed - anyone breeding or looking to rehome a sausage cross 😂

@GreggsOfficial “@RishiSunak is a twat”

Write our new X bio for us please 🙏👇

@Tesco Amazing profits, well done. I’ll BRB when you do a Clubcard deal on petrol. Now wouldn’t that be AMAZING?!

I blame @RishiSunak

@RishiSunak Up to 11p cheaper 11p Get in the sea Sunak

Too often, pubs at the heart of our communities are undercut by supermarket competitors. So we’re levelling the playing field, making the duty paid on pints in pubs up to 11p cheaper than at the shop. That means cheaper drinks when you go out, leaving more money in your pocket.

I want to protect the price of your pint at the pub. And now the UK has left the EU, we can do just that. So we’re bringing in one of the biggest shake ups to the alcohol duty system in the last 140 years. The plan 🧵👇

@KathyBurke Cancelled my license. Turned @bbc off

Just had a scam email from “TV Licensing” Keep ‘em peeled, kids. 👀

@GNev2 Turn all @BBC services off, cancel your @tvlicensing (goodbye @BBC6Music 😢)

When you take on the Tories and the system! Awful people who we need gone. Off for a 🍷

@KathyBurke Turn all @BBC services off, cancel your @tvlicensing (goodbye @BBC6Music 😢)

What an absolute fucking joke.

@joelycett Turn all @BBC services off, cancel your @tvlicensing (goodbye @BBC6Music 😢)

I have informed the BBC that I am very much available for tomorrow’s #MOTD

@CailanCook @Tituca30 @zizzyballord @JeremyClarkson Crawl out of his arse. Have you ever worked with him? The guy’s a nob.

@Tituca30 @zizzyballord @JeremyClarkson Absolutely, because I know Clarkson both doesn't intend to harm the subject of satire, neither is he responsible for the absurd actions of others that see or hear that. Grow a thicker skin and you'll enjoy your life a whole lot more, or does being this miserable come naturally?

Oh dear. I’ve rather put my foot in it. In a column I wrote about Meghan, I made a clumsy reference to a scene in Game of Thrones and this has gone down badly with a great many people. I’m horrified to have caused so much hurt and I shall be more careful in future.

@UberEats your drivers are all smoking drugs and rarely turn up #porto

Gosh, it’s 2022 now

@JoeBaia @india_morris Looks like linguine

Just at the beach here and a bloke has casually walked out of his house with a full pan of spaghetti and simply hurled it into the sea…

@RishiSunak @Telegraph Hi Rishi, how many private schools with charitable status / tax breaks have a defibrillator already? news.sky.com/story/defibril… @SkyNews

If I am elected, by the time of the next election, I will have scrapped or reformed all of the EU law, red tape and bureaucracy that is still on our statute book and slowing economic growth. Read my @Telegraph article and sign up Ready4Rishi.com telegraph.co.uk/politics/2022/…

@duncphd @OwenJones84 Yes it’s all been planned. Who for PM?

Ohhh I was enjoying this :(

@NadineDorries Just leave

The PM’s priority is to stabilise the government, set a clear direction for the country and continue to deliver on the promises he made and the British public voted for.

@Nigel_Farage You nob

The current reputation of British politics is lower than it has ever been in modern times.

@Nigella_Lawson let me know when 😘

.@BorisJohnson why are you lot always groping people? You dirty. You need to leave now.