Matt Tyrie

@fesshole Whistles are not loud until you blow them. So you answered your own question.

I opened a package while walking through the park and signed because I'd accidentally bought a dozen whistles instead of just one. A kid asked why I sighed and I explained. She then asked for the other eleven. I wonder what a five y/o did with eleven really loud whistles.

@fesshole In a chateau presumably?

When my cat died, l put her in the freezer and then took her in a cool bag and buried her in France.

@jimmycarr Nice post...

Nearly at the end of my Australian tour. Flagging a bit today.

@fesshole What if Arsenal go down as well?

Husband likes a sexual act I don't much care for. As a compromise we agreed to do said act only when Arsenal win a match, thinking this would not be overly frequent. Bastard Gunners won't stop winning this season.

@StuartHumphryes Was he reincarnated as Chris Rea?

This could have been taken today - or it could have been an album cover in the 1970s - but it is a timeless self-portrait which was actually taken 115 years ago in 1910. The subject (and photographer) was the playwright and novelist Leonid Andreyev (1871-1919). This glass plate autochrome is original colour and not colourised.

@puckman66 @JamesTate121 You don't need to know anything about the US to just repeat fact. But you go ahead and scare your population with religious bigotry.

@JamesTate121 I don’t have a 1000 word analysis and opinion of Australia, and I shouldn’t. I don’t know anything about the country. And sir, you don’t know anything about the US. I know that we are more serious about tackling Islamists than you are. You have Bondi Beach to account for.

Too on point not to share, “Aussie reply to Trump rant about NATO not being there for us. Mate. You run a country with 600,000 homeless people sleeping on the street tonight. A country where 40% of adults can't cover a $400 emergency without borrowing money. A country where insulin costs more than a car payment and people are rationing it to survive. A country where medical debt is the number 1 cause of bankruptcy. A country where women are dying in hospital car parks because doctors are too scared of abortion laws to treat a miscarriage. You lock up more of your own citizens than any nation on earth. More than China. More than Russia. More than North Korea. The land of the free has 2 million people in cages, and a quarter of them haven't even been convicted of anything. They're just too poor to make bail. Your life expectancy is going backwards. You're the only developed nation where that's happening. Your infant mortality rate is worse than Cuba's. Your kids do active shooter drills between maths and English while you sell the gunmaker's stock to your mates. Your minimum wage hasn't moved in 15 years. You've got teachers working 2 jobs and veterans sleeping under bridges and you just spent a trillion dollars flattening a country that didn't attack you. And you’ve got a convicted felon, adjudicating raping, paedophile protecting, porn star shagging insurrectionist running the biggest dumpster fire war campaign since the Taliban thanked you very much for losing again. And you're calling Greenland poorly run? Greenland has universal healthcare. Free education. One of the lowest incarceration rates in the world. Nobody goes bankrupt there because they got sick. Nobody dies in a waiting room because their insurance said no. "NATO wasn't there when we needed them." When exactly was that, champ? September 11? Because NATO invoked Article 5 for the first and only time in history FOR YOU. Soldiers from dozens of countries deployed, fought, bled, and died in Afghanistan FOR YOU. Australia wasn't even in NATO and we still showed up. For 20 years. And you pulled out at 2am without telling anyone and left them to deal with the mess. So maybe before you start calling other countries poorly run, have a look at your own backyard, you spray-tanned aluminium siding salesman. The only thing poorly run in this picture is your fucking mouth. Credit (borrowed from) Jim Scroggins - original author 📷 unknown”

@Suzyiam He used to ruin a hairline... or something.

Can someone please list Chris Luxon's positive qualities. I can't find them listed anywhere on the internet?

@meladoodle What on earth?

delete it i wasn't ready for a photo

@Polymarket What on earth?

BREAKING: Artemis II crew captures new photo of Earth.

To show how willing they are to give out awards, after mocking #FIFA for awarding a peace prize to #Trump whose bombing campaign is preventing Iran from participating in a global football tournament run by them, They've honored me on Facebook after hashtagging them ONCE!

@chrisluxonmp Meanwhile, the government are literally planning to hoard fuel off Marsden Point...

The conflict in the Middle East is directly leading to higher prices at the pump in New Zealand. That’s affecting households and businesses across the country, but the Government can’t afford to ease the pressure for everyone. We can’t repeat the mistakes of Covid where excessive spending led to higher inflation and more debt. We have to get the balance right. The most sensible and affordable thing for our government to do is provide timely, temporary, and targeted support to those who need it most. We’ve already announced that 143,000 low-and middle-income working families will receive an extra $50 a week to help with rising fuel costs. And from tomorrow, more than a million New Zealanders will also get an increase to the financial support they receive from the government. Nearly 1 million superannuitants get a boost – for a married couple on Super, that’s up over $50 more a fortnight. 280,000 families will get more through Family Tax Credits - up to $1,050 extra a year. Students and beneficiaries will get around $20 more a fortnight. We’ve also made changes to Working for Families, which will support 140,000 more households. That’s on top of the tax relief we’ve already delivered and FamilyBoost support for families with kids in early childcare. We’re also boosting KiwiSaver, helping you grow savings faster for your first home or retirement. We can’t control global fuel prices, but we are focused on helping Kiwis with targeted support that New Zealand can afford.

@SarahMillican75 What a spec tea cal ! ( I know, it's coffee but...Sunday).

Sunday. ❤️

@29Crown @fesshole That would just tear her apart...

@fesshole Ask for his Joy Division Oven Gloves, whilst you're at it.

Sadly, a very good friend has just passed away. Tying to work out when is the best time to have the 'dead men don't need season tickets' conversation with his widow as there are some very big games coming up.

So, have I go this right? Iran is not attending the FIFA World Cup because they are being bombed by the man who received the FIFA Peace Prize.

@MariaSherwood2 Next up, the Four Square Peace Prize, and a discounted knighthood from Briscoes...?

Who the hell asks for their own honour? Luxon does. I didn't think he could get any worse, but here we are. stuff.co.nz/politics/36095…

@BoyGeorge @Uber The hats! Iconic. How many and where do you keep them all?

London is not burning The wheels are turning Yesterday My @Uber driver looked at me funny I was wearing make up And I called him honey The silence was deafening Those so called patriots They think they’re better But people who come from around here They don’t even talk to each other I struggle to call my brother We’re like boats on the sea Every last one of us emotional refugees

@ArfurSmith Now you have to do the same to someone else. Its a pyramid scheme...

Friend offered to show me Tutankhamun so I flew out to Egypt only to discover he meant Tooting Common

@BoyGeorge @RobSchneider Serious question - Has the same ruling ever applied in a professional sporting situation when the transition is in the other direction?

@RobSchneider Yeah, it's huge, that about five people won't be able to compete. A huge moment for humanity and Sharron Davies!

Thank YOU, President Trump! Being a woman is more than just a dude putting on a dress, makeup and tucking his junk!

@henrycooke ... where they will sit around a table each silently scrolling the internet on their phone, interrupted by the occasional "seen this?" or "what about this, does one affect us? it's from last Tuesday"

Luxon announces that Govt has launched a ministerial oversight group for the impacts from the Iran war. Willis will chair and it will meet weekly.