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I’m at my sister in law’s and my nephew is crying cuz he wants to go see Bohemian Rhapsody but his parents will not let him go. I asked will you let him go but no, they would not let him go
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SheepWreck
101.4K posts
[buying duct tape on Amazon]
Amazon: people who bought this also bought:
🔪 🔫 🔦 🍌
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@fro_vo Thanks Fro! Happy holidays all!! 👍😃🍺🍺🍺🙏❤️
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SheepWreck@NrouteHQ
[buying duct tape on Amazon] Amazon: people who bought this also bought: 🔪 🔫 🔦 🍌
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@OctopusCaveman You matter bro! More than you think. And your art is honest and lacks pretense. And that’s the person you are. That’s why so many people love you. It’s why I love you! Keep it going [bro hug emoji]
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I hate my life. I wasted it trying to be an artist because I wanted to matter. I’m just a kid who was horribly sexually abused and survived so much fucking trauma. I should be proud that I’m as decent as I am but I’m still just sad I can’t be a person.
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@stewteee Thanks Stewie!! Happy hump day all!! 👍😃🍺🍺🍺🙏❤️
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SheepWreck@NrouteHQ
[Indian bakery] Boss: how’s the new hire? Me: he’s really good! He can do many things Boss: oh I see where you’re going with this... Me: you could say he’s a jack of all trades Boss: please don’t... Me: master of naan
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All the world's a Stage, and all the men and women merely retail employees at Stage.
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Therapist: Last week we discussed healthy coping mechanisms. Which one did you try?
Me: *Opens giant purse full of cookies* Emotional support treats
Therapist: *quits*
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Santa will rip those Dollar General panties right off your mom because she's a good girl
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Yes it's a long road to Hell, but it's ok. I brought snacks. Care for some popcorn? Gummy bears?
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if i worked in the lamps dept at Home Depot, i’d greet every customer with “welcome to the finial frontier. watt LED you here? and why you throwing shade? ok let’s not harp on it. socket to me, bb” and other stupid things
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Don’t forget to stop by a Stuckey’s on your road trip home for last minute Christmas presents that you couldn’t be bothered to buy before.
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You know my good buddy Richard Vagart? Well, one time he let me and four other girls pretend to beat him up next to this busy street and when someone pulled over the girls and I ran off and the guy in the car said, “Are you okay, son?” And I’m not even shitting you!
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If you don’t fart when you do a burpee it doesn’t count.
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My husband put his hand on my belly for our Christmas photo and when I saw it, I made him delete it because I don’t want to have to explain to our family that I’m not pregnant, just bloated.
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I feel like my life has been a like a snow globe recently that keeps getting shaken up every time the snow settles.
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I was yesterday years old when I found out my husband doesn’t like cilantro which sucks for him because I’ve been putting it in everything since we got married.
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