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This is my testimony. I've given it before, but I'm pinning it here so people can understand who they're getting with me. Hint: He's a permanent resident!
I gave up on self-help on my birthday last year. Formally. In a short speech to my family. Then I redoubled my efforts to seek Him, while pretty much abandoning any attempt to live uprightly. I was still an alcoholic. Still smoked. Still depressed and a mess, while my life seemed to fly by in a dull and dreary haze.
But I continued to seek Him anyway. Learn about His goodness. I was already a Christian. I'd been saved at the age of 8 and attended church at most points of my life, aside from a couple short breaks in my younger years. I prayed. I read the Bible. I even read books about Jesus. I listened to sermons on Youtube. I was looking for the secret, the secret that I was missing. I knew that there had to be power here somewhere. That it wasn't just a theology or philosophy... at least I had that hope. And I wasn't going to give up on Jesus without really giving it my best shot to find Him.
When the dam broke, it broke quietly. I was listening to yet another book on Jesus when the realization dawned on me how GOOD He is, and how He did care for me. I realized that I'd never actually surrendered my life to Him. Never had the guts, didn't think I could hold up my end of a bargain like that anyway. And what if He asked me to do something I couldn't do? Something like Abraham with Isaac on that altar... I just couldn't fully trust that kind of lion's leap.
But when this dam broke, I suddenly realized that He loves me better than I love myself (which honestly wasn't a lot at that point), His plans for me are bound to be better than anything I could dream up. So, in a moment of passion, I surrendered all of me to Him. Asked Him to make of me whatever He could, broken and flawed as I was.
And He came. One by one he rifled through the things that weighed my heart down like a stone. Healed those unhealable wounds, and settled my heart about the things which had happened and I'd been unable to face. I cried for four hours, more or less straight. My face was a mess. My eyes actually hurt from all those tears.
I felt a little bad for the nice Korean family sitting around me on that international flight. A big white guy with tears streaming down his face for hours . . . might have been disturbing.
When I got home, the next night, I prayed before sleep and I had a visitor. Jesus? Holy Spirit? I had a conversation with them back and forth for about an hour and a half. It was amazing.
I was immediately cured of my decades-long addiction to alcohol. I realized that when I noticed a total lack of any urge to drink after days. I put it down forever, and haven't had any since. I don't even have a desire for that. What I have a desire for are the things of God. I get up early to pray and read my Bible. I post on X about Jesus. I listen to sermons by my favorite pastors. And that's all in addition to church and a men's group.
Jesus has become my passion. He's my life. He's my reason for joy and peace. And, I swear this is true . . . my life slowed down! Before this, it was going by so fast. Now, the days crawl by, and that suits me just fine! I'm loving this new life in Christ.
SO what happened to me on that flight? It took me a while to figure that out. At first I thought maybe I wasn't really saved before . . . for 40 years. But that seemed pretty harsh, and didn't line up with my experiences. So, I dug deeper and found some people with testimonies of non-traditional receivings of the Holy Spirit. Testimony after testimony lined up with my experience.
Holy Spirit has totally changed my life! And He wants to do more... I hear the sound of an abundance of rain!
The power wants out!

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