Cooperman 🎺 🚴🏻

Yeah, f*ck off Elon, you can’t hack it in USA so keep out of here!

@JB6018 @francescajayne_ Exactly.

@francescajayne_ A bunch of sun readers And reality tv watchers

Molly Mae winning an NTA over Rob Burrow’s MND documentary just says everything about our society 😌😒😩#NTAs #NTAAwards #NTA

@Stepharrnee Molly who?!! Rob Burrows is a million times more inspirational than her.

All those wonderfully powerful documentaries and Molly Mae won!? #NTAs

@GRCinemaTicket Donnie Darko and Pan’s Labyrinth. In fact, all of them!

One Choice??????

@JMitchellNews @GRCinemaTicket Very dark!

@GRCinemaTicket One of my favorite films of all time ...

@Gibboanxious We’re going to need a bigger boat.

@NoContextHumans 3 all year round.

🤔

@ijosephs72 @fesshole Best answer on here!

@fesshole You should dis gusset!

I love my wife but her coming up behind me with her used knickers in her hand and pretending it's a chloroformed soaked hanky got old the first time she did it. I've said I don't like it but she keeps doing it. I'm considering actually leaving her.

@peterajackson @fesshole Nope, still not getting this.

@fesshole Am I being thick? I don’t follow this.

I worked in an offie. A man came in and said he knew where I lived. I didn't recognise him. He said he lived next door. I said a bald bloke with glasses does, not you. I'd just bubbled his wife's affair, without realising. They split up, sold up and moved on. Eek.

@kateowbridge Only this week, a Y8 girl called me a ‘paedo’. Not that bothered as I work in a pastoral role in a secondary college and go for the ‘every behaviour is a form of communication’. She was sanctioned though.

Somebody was asking about the worst insult from a pupil. I remembered this from about 13 yrs ago, an eyfs child with huge issues being physically restrained after going for other kids with scissors, I was standing by. He was shouting “get off me you bollock-face” 😳

@kateowbridge During lockdown, my TA reported hearing a sister of one of my pupils walk by saying ‘that speccy four eyed b*stard’ towards me. She was six at the time. Standard vocabulary in the house though 🤣🤣

@fesshole My brother is nearly ten years younger than me so I had to believe in Santa for a long time or I’d get no presents at Christmas! Had a Xmas stocking til I was 18!

Raised my children without Santa because it felt like a lie. They, however, are raising their kids with Santa. It's so fun to watch my grandchildren believe in magic that I now regret that my own children never got to experience it.

@skonklord @fesshole Love that phrase, thank you!

@fesshole In reality, they're looking at you, thinking what an absolute cuntcake this one is here! We don't give a fuck about a teenager with a quiff, now fuck off

I'm young and have a great head of hair. I love going to the barbers knowing I'll be watched by older men with less hair, as mine is cut short and wastefully dropped to the floor. Knowing it will all grow back again. Knowing I am follicly superior.

@fesshole I used to love a fray bentos pie! It’s one of those things I really miss about having to eat a GF diet - bloody intolerance!!

About 10 years ago I bought a Fray Bentos steak and kidney pie on Christmas Eve from the corner shop. The shop owner joked "I hope that's not your Christmas dinner!" I replied that it was for eating at work later that day. It was my Christmas dinner.

@sullivanstrim Clickbait

I’m not a teacher anymore but still getting teaching suggestions! Why?!

@fesshole If you’re struggling for money, maybe your OH has a secret… 😉

I don't think people realise just how bad things are in The UK. My wife and I are 40. No kids. Both started with nothing but now in the top 5% of earners. We can just afford the a small 2 bedroom house, but would be homeless in a few months if we both lost our jobs.

@fesshole At least you know what a noun is though.

I'm quite a successful publisher and editor based in London with an imprint dealing in turnover in the millions. I still need to ask my girlfriend what an adjective/verb/adverb is.

@PhilWagner19 @HJB3996 @fesshole I only shave my head now against the grain - I’ve not wet-shaved my face since leaving the army in ‘97!

@HJB3996 @PedanticDC @fesshole I thought so, too, but I’ve met a lot of men who didn’t do that and wondered why their faces weren’t smoother.

Somehow the topic of learning to shave came up in the office. Most of the guys were taught by their dad. Mine buggered off when I was 15 and I had to admit that I learned from watching Lethal Weapon 3. I always wonder if anyone else learned the same way.