The Attery Squash

@noyeahobviously My boobs. (And I also don't want to.)

Don’t want to

@VictoriaCoren When I told my 2yo son that our cat had been found after going missing for several weeks he immediately replied 'we must fetch him at once!'

I'm not saying we're elderly parents, but today when I told my 2-year-old not to drop her food on the floor, she sang "Don't drop your food on the floor, Mrs Worthington..."

@kofidereVT Microwave a whole sweet potato. Cut in half and mash hummus into it. Maybe chuck some salad leaves on top.

if it’s okay to ask, what are your favourite struggle meals…? i’m talking less than 15 minutes to prep and cook. i don’t mind if it’s not the best nutritionally, i’m just looking for a way to eat more than late night take-out. life is hard atm, the least i can do is eat 🙇‍♀️

@kofidereVT Sachet of flavoured couscous. While it's doing its five minutes hydrating, roughly chop whatever veg/nuts/fruit are handy. Like say cucumber, dried apricots, pistachios, an orange, red pepper. Mix together. Chuck some sort of dressing or sauce on. Herbs if you have them. Done.

@Misesean1 @ClimateWarrior7 Not to mention for things like chopped carrots, where the same weight of carrot will fill different volumes of cup depending on how finely you did the chopping.

@ClimateWarrior7 Volume-based measurements for liquids/powders are convenient; the use of cups/spoons for things like butter is insane, though.

Why are Americans measuring things in cups? All my cups are different sizes. When they're making a recipe, do they seriously pack everything into cups? Why don't Americans have scales?

@mutedformen @quesadaaa_ And they have to grow an extra hand to achieve it

@quesadaaa_ Funny how it’s “just life” when women do it alone, but when men picture themselves in the same position, it becomes oppression and the end of society.

So you admit that men's greatest fear is being treated like they have treated women? Hmm

@PaulaCoyscot @VeryBadLlama @Gillian275Gm Those robot boobs don't look much use for breastfeeding

@VeryBadLlama @Gillian275Gm Why does the robot have arms and legs? Maybe it’s actually programmed to look after the baby too, jus’ sayin’ 🤷‍♀️

because if there’s one thing I know about men, it’s that they crave full-time child-rearing responsibilities without even getting to have sex first

@soigomaa Apparently if I'd been a boy, he would have kept the canines so I'd look... more bitey, I guess?

@soigomaa Now you mention it, my orthodontist opted to remove all my canines (which came through like vampire teeth) and just rearrange what was left, rather than remove teeth from further back and then give me more complex braces to align the canines properly, on the basis I was a girl.

This happened to me when I was 12. I had just gotten my braces off and the dentist was getting rid of the glue on my teeth. After he was done he said "I shaved down your canines while I had the grinder out to make them look more feminine" I asked what he meant and he lifted up a mirror I had fairly sharp canines growing up that I really liked and he had shaved off a good amount and made them rounded instead of sharp. He said that boys would like me more and that he had made me more feminine and pretty. He didn'? ask me about it, he just did it.Forever altered my teeth without my consent because I was a female. I went hore and cried, I didn't know how to tell my parents so I didn't until much later and it was way too long after to do anything about it, I was 12 so I don't blame myself, but I do wish I had stood up for myself. I'm still pretty upset about this 10+ years later because it just shows how girls get treated sometimes and the lack of bodily autonomy I was given.i hope it doesn't happen to anyone else.

@DensaBarry @ilyasroza You are doing the lord's work, sir or madam.

@ilyasroza I thought same 😂😭 didn’t know it’s a Hand in pocket

thought this was a scarily skinny and hairy neck

Currently using my phone to type up a story for my 5 year old. A story prominently featuring a location called 'Duck Island'. Autocorrect is proving something of a hazard on this occasion.

@DrOBrienMD Literally the only reason my 12+6 miscarriage didn't go down the toilet is because I realised what was about to happen and so had put a sieve in the bathroom.

Disturbing: Investigators in SC are using DNA to attempt to find the parent of a 13-15 week gestation fetus found at a wastewater facility. It’s not unheard of for people to flush a miscarried fetus without knowing. Policing miscarriages is a slippery slope we should not touch.

@stickygoons When I was in art school I made cakes in the shape of washing up sponges, and then put green sugar syrup in an old fairy liquid bottle and wandered around the studios squirting it onto the sponges and eating them. Takes me right back, this does!

Thought this was a washing up sponge

The baby has chucked her sippy cup on the floor and I cannot find it. How is this even possible? This is like the time I lost an entire scotch egg that rolled off my plate in a function room at Manchester cathedral...

@carolinekwan I genuinely don't understand a legal system that hears "well I was just pointing a gun at her when I heard a bang and she fell down, I can't think what happened!" and is okay with that.

The reason this story is making headlines in the British press is because Lucy Harrison’s death is currently being investigated by Cheshire Coroner’s Court in England, where she lived. Last January, Lucy was shot dead by her father, Kris Harrison, at his home in Texas, but a grand jury in Collin County declined to indict him so no criminal case was brought. He has been walking around freely since.

@GreatLakesWife_ My son used to scream from 5pm EVERY evening. For hours. Nothing made a difference. And eventually I realised, my job in this is to be with him while he works out whatever it is. Just to be present alongside him. (He completely stopped doing it at 14 weeks)

We’ve had two very bad nights in a row. I feel like a bad mom because a good mom would be able to comfort and calm down her baby

@DAugustin__ It is an absolute delight!

Three years ago, we planted something quietly. No guarantees. No release date. Just gratitude, long days, and the work. #NothingHonestIsWasted #wonderman

@potatoslav I am reminded of that lady who casually broke the Tetris world record: archive.boston.com/news/globe/mag…

as a kid i was so obsessed with tetris that i would play tetris in my head before going to bed. i did this so much that i started dreaming about tetris. there is no shape rotator better than me.

@Pinboard @made_in_cosmos Or possibly 'dig in'

@made_in_cosmos I think the closest translation is "enjoy!"

trying to explain to my dad that there isn't really an English translation of "Bon apetit", it's simply not something an English speaker would say he does not believe me and keeps trying to translate it anyway

@Romy_Holland I always used to assume my baby was dreaming of boobs. Giant boobs, just floating about like clouds.

it’s usually impossible to know what another person is dreaming but my baby has been nonstop smiling in his sleep for 5 min straight and i am the only thing in the world that makes him smile like that, so i’m pretty sure he’s dreaming about me. i love being his mom.