Yume Delegato

Search is full of ads and wrong answers. Every other email is an ad. Prime Video charges you and shows ads. Paramount? Ads. Peacock? YouTube? Hulu? Ads followed by more ads. Netflix full of ads. Meta and X, every other thing is an ad. Pinterest is nothing but ads. AI is in everything. AI finishes sentences incorrectly and won’t stop. AI reads your email and search history to target you with more ads. Every time you open an app or visit a site there’s an update making it worse. In a hurry? First, click here to agree to terms you don’t have time to read and must accept. You need an account to do that. Change your temporary password. Enter your 2FA code. Check your email and enter that code. Now use a passkey. Your password is too simple to remember. Change it. No, not like that. Now log on. Enter your 2FA code. Check your email for a code… Welcome back! We’ve updated our terms of service and privacy policy (you have none). Subscribe to the site. Subscribe to Netflix. Subscribe to toilet paper. Subscribe to these groceries. Pay a membership fee for the right to subscribe then tip your driver who delivers the subscriptions your membership lets you subscribe to. Time to work? We’ve got to update your laptop and will slow down everything you do until you agree to update. But first, click here to agree. Update installed — your laptop’s broken now. It doesn’t matter, since your boss just replaced you with AI. Go to your phone to complain on social media. Wait, your phone needs an update so we can add more AI. Click here. Oh sorry, your phone can’t handle this update. Now it’s useless. Go get the newest phone. Here’s a text from a friend, an email, a voice mail they left three days ago but you didn’t see until now because of sync problems with the cloud. It’s their GoFundMe. Their MLM. Their Patreon. Never mind, you didn’t respond to their text within 9 minutes and now you’re no longer friends. They blocked you. Make new friends. Download this app to find people in your area. In your neighborhood. On your street. Two doors down from you. Do you know this person yet, we think you’d get along. You need an account to use this app. That username is taken. Enter a password. Not that one, you used it on another site. You need to be connected to WiFi to download the app. Allow the app to connect to other devices on your network. Allow the app to access your contacts, know your precise location, store your credit card details. Oops, sorry, we got hacked now all that info is available on the web. There’s a class action suit. You can join. It’ll take a decade to get your $3.73 share of the ten billion settlement. We’ll send it via PayPal or deposit it to your bank, just tell us those details. Oh no, another hack. That info is circulating now, too. Here’s a spam call, a spam email, a spam text. Why are you angry? Why are you talking about getting rid of your phone? Why don’t you like AI, it lets us make all of this easier? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? This is progress. You’ll be left behind. Do you want to be left behind? Do you???

I like this guy. Seems like a cool dude

The chuds long for portland Oregon

hi. i am billionaire. for my entire adult life, i have rewired my brain to only seek to extract money. i am building a machine to destroy you and everything you love and turn it into money that i own. (American) : This is so cool. this is the coolest thing i have ever heard

I have seen this picture cross my feed many times, and every single time it pulls me up short. His little blue lunchbox, the sneakers that are probably a tad too big because he would grow into them, the straps for his glasses so that he didn’t lose them, his checkered shirt that his little hands might have stumbled over in trying to make sure he got every button right, or perhaps his mother bent down to help him with; his mother who he waves goodbye to, who he loved and who loved him so deeply.

@AndrewJank Very sorry to hear this, Andrew. I really enjoyed reading your writing at WW, which is something I don't say lightly. I hope your next byline is just as rewarding.

Thursday was my last day at Willamette Week. I accomplished a lot to be proud of* but I'm crushed. WW was my dream job and I lived it. Losing this beyond my control or fault is hard. Taking the weekend to breathe and grieve. I will miss the team a lot.

We are in the midst of the longest, saddest, most excruciating and unsatisfying I TOLD YOU SO in the history of the world.

False. No one in Portland is this enthusiastic.

Ok brother, do you think you could make Outlook search work when you have a minute?

Why don’t you listen to sleigh bells rill rill and maybe you’ll calm down

𝙔𝙤𝙪’𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙪𝙩𝙚𝙡𝙮 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩—preemptively launching our nukes at Russia was a bad call. I should’ve checked if there were incoming missiles first—nuclear war is not just mutually assured destruction—it’s also nuclear winter. That one’s on me.

Remember to start each day by immediately grabbing your phone and exploding with anxiety and rage at the news

The White House is working furiously right now, just like they did to Renee Good, to find anything in Alex Pretti’s history to retroactively justify him being executed. A divorce, Facebook posts, unpaid parking tickets, library fines, you name it. They’ll do the same to you when your time comes.

“Roving bands of masked federal agents with total immunity executing gun owners” is the kind of sweaty conservative fantasy we’ve heard over the last 20 years on cable news and now that it’s here, they love it

man: i wish to publish reviewer 2: your paper is no good man: i'll do anything to improve reviewer 2: it's simple. you must read the work of the great scientist Pagliarini man: *bursts into tears* but i am Pagliarini

@RASwaggard @irregulargrapes

@irregulargrapes I was not aware salmon enjoyed such things.

if I had said "I am making teriyaki sauce for salmon" nobody would have cared. this is the power of language

@noturtlesoup17 Are they going to deport the bulls?

Confusing.

Humans are God’s guilty pleasure but beavers are the creation he’s most proud of

I don't think we need two-factor authorization to sign up for Jersey Mike's rewards program. I think we can play that one a little loose.