Rachel

What if Ancestry DNA says I’m not that Mexican and I put jewelry on my babies for no reason.

@RiverOaksPrblms @RichOToole Sorry to lean in, but we’re just abbreviating chicken fried steak now?

@RichOToole I was pleasantly surprised by the CFS at Delta Blues on the way back from Galveston.

I miss a good chicken fried steak. I feel like nobody is making a good chicken fried steak these days.

I only lost a few followers to the post election exodus. I can only assume it’s because I’m witty and likable and tweet like twice a month.

undercover cops are so corny bro just be yourself

When I dropped my rosary in the confessional and blurted, “Goddammit,” the priest snapped, “Jesus, Annie.” Then we talked about college football.

My family wants me to please stop calling myself “the fluffer” while setting up the Christmas tree.

the body-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody of christ compels you

I’m a strong independent woman, but like, against my will.

@bigangrylaw @StateofGraceHOU Yeah… She’s pretty cool 😍 Thanks so much for saying so, Charles!! And you beat me to the Chef’s Table experience!

Great food, great service at the Chef’s Table at @StateofGraceHOU. What a brilliant young chef you raised @RachelNoise.

Yelling at babies ain’t the way Houston.

Keeping my hospital bracelet on so I can get back in without paying again.

Having allergies is so embarrassing. Could I have some medicine? I’m being bullied by the air.

If what you’re bringing to my house requires you to cook it here, just don’t

I love when men go on diets they will be like let me go for the healthy option.. the buffalo chicken quesadilla

I hate conflict resolution. There's a small part of me that would rather just be mad forever than talk about it.

I’m going to buy a Christmas tree so big that people will think I must be compensating for something.

6 year old: I saw a car today that was kind of cool but very ugly. Have you seen it? me: yeah, I’ve seen it

If you didn’t see it last night, this is the best performance I’ve ever seen on late night TV. Take this video, edit it, share it, and let’s take this song all the way to the top!🔥