𝚂𝚝𝚊𝚌𝚎𝚢

Inside the right pocket of my sweatpants is a second, smaller, pocket and I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this.

An @AmazingRaceCBS episode of Hacks? Did someone read my diary?

Not to brag, but putting something in a “safe place” is the fastest way for me to never find it again.

I like it when food says "Use by" because it suggests there are other options besides eating it. Want to build a miniature Eiffel Tower out of these carrot sticks? You'd better do it before 29 April.

If the Earth were flat, cats would have pushed everything over the edge already.

Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, size ordered or a picture of them wearing it are going to heaven.

It's Sunday, it's almost May, and it's cold.. there should be crockpot advisory in effect

They should invent a plant that screams when it's thirsty

There's a cohort of American males that believe with 1-2 years dedicated practice they could win the Masters. As a marketer, it's important to understand that you can sell these people anything.

A dog came to buy oranges on behalf of its owner.

I am a friend to all cats, even the little mean ones. They have their reasons

The easiest way to open an antiques shop is to buy a normal shop and wait.

apparently April is stress awareness month. I'm well aware of my stress in all the months thank you very much.

NWS surveys of yesterday's storms confirmed an EF1 tornado in the Van Buren Twp / Belleville area, and straight-line wind damage in the Whiteford Twp / Lambertville area. Full details of the surveys will be posted when complete. #miwx

They might find something new on the moon now they’ve sent a woman up to look.

First they came for the em dash and I did not speak out. Then they came for the Oxford comma…

Had my car towed. Nothing wrong with it, just cheaper than buying gas.

We didn’t fight to work. Women have ALWAYS worked. We fought to get paid.

The last 10 days in Michigan: Windows open ✅ Windows shut ✅ Tornadoes ✅ Blizzard ✅ Ice storm ✅ 70mph winds ✅ Tornado watch ✅ Severe T-Storm watch ✅ 70F✅ 20F ✅ Below zero wind chills ✅ Hail ✅ Sleet✅ Rain ✅ Spring ✅ Fall ✅ Winter ✅ Lakeshore flood advisory ✅ Local area emergency ✅ Dense Fog ✅ Flood warnings ✅ Thundersnow ✅ Power outages ✅ Severe wx and winter wx at the same time ✅ 5 mile suspension bridge closed multiple times ✅

You know what really bugs me these days? We can't own anything. Everything is a subscription service, like literally everything. You can't buy Microsoft Office, you have to purchase a subscription for a year. You literally have to pay for everything FOREVER. Isn't anyone else bothered by this?

Upper Peninsula spring update: still winter.