Men are wired for fatherhood: In the social sciences, it has long been assumed that motherhood is natural but that fatherhood is merely cultural. The famous anthropologist Margaret Mead wrote, “Motherhood is a biological necessity, but fatherhood is a social invention.” The message men pick up is that fatherhood is not really central to who they are. But nothing could be further from the truth. Fatherhood is not just a cultural construct. It is the innate software coded by God into the male nature. Jesus himself treats a father’s love for his children as natural. Even men who are not particularly godly have an instinctive sense of how to love and care for their children: “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? . . . You, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children” (Matthew 7:9–11). Today neuroscientists are uncovering the biological evidence to support what Jesus said. In the first few weeks after a child is born, a father’s biochemistry changes. His level of testosterone goes down, making him more patient and gentle with small children. At the same time, his oxytocin rises. Oxytocin is called the bonding hormone because it creates a sense of empathy, warmth, attachment. Warren Farrell, author of The Boy Crisis, puts it this way: “When a man becomes a hands-on dad, he activates his ‘dad brain’—a nest of neurons that would otherwise remain dormant.” In other words, becoming a father literally stimulates brain growth. One anthropologist calls the dad brain “the father’s neurochemical reward.” The reward for accepting the responsibilities of fatherhood is that your brain actually grows. The most recent research found that the dad brain begins to be activated even before birth. Anthropologist Anna Machin, in The Life of Dad, reports that a man’s oxytocin rises through all nine months of his wife’s pregnancy. We now know that, even before birth, fathers are being biochemically primedto be a full partner in the parenting team. The message from science is clear: A strong emotional bond between fathers and their children is encoded into the wiring of the male brain. God has designed the male neurochemistry for fatherhood. We need to help men to embrace fatherhood as an important source of their own masculine fulfillment.
