Anthony McHats

23.3K posts

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Anthony McHats

Anthony McHats

@TheHatStore

wheelie popper

United States Katılım Temmuz 2013
445 Takip Edilen2.5K Takipçiler
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Anthony McHats
Anthony McHats@TheHatStore·
NURSE: the doctor has pronounced your father dead ME: oh my god we’ve been calling him dad all this time
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Anthony McHats retweetledi
Anthony McHats
Anthony McHats@TheHatStore·
[funeral] me: *solemnly places flowers on coffin* widow: is that a lei
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Anthony McHats
Anthony McHats@TheHatStore·
[looking deeply into each other’s eyes] me: where is all this headed optometrist: glaucoma
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Anthony McHats
Anthony McHats@TheHatStore·
me: can you give me an epidural first optometrist: [holding eye dropper] it's not that kind of dilation
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John Malone
John Malone@john_malone·
@TheHatStore Get multiple fake mustaches. The Costco lady will never know you are three kids in a trenchcoat.
GIF
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Anthony McHats
Anthony McHats@TheHatStore·
me: [eating 9th cocktail weenie] these should come with little buns like baby hot dogs lady at costco giving away samples: you're only supposed to take one
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Anthony McHats retweetledi
Bummer T. Vibes, Esq
Bummer T. Vibes, Esq@VibesBummer·
You used to be able to live inside a whale on a single income, without a college degree.
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Anthony McHats retweetledi
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF
ME: Why did they call it the endocrine system and not the secrete service SURGEON: How are you still even awake?
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Anthony McHats retweetledi
meghan
meghan@deloisivete·
Shout out to the mom who signed up for paper plates within seconds of the class end-of-year party list going live
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Anthony McHats
Anthony McHats@TheHatStore·
me: [eating tapeworms] I'm just getting hungrier
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Anthony McHats retweetledi
Anthony McHats
Anthony McHats@TheHatStore·
[going on vacation] wife: did you forget anything me: I can’t do fractions anymore
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Anthony McHats retweetledi
Boog
Boog@bewgtweets·
Her: how many children do you want Me: *lowering the menu* what the hell kind of restaurant is this
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Anthony McHats retweetledi
Boog
Boog@bewgtweets·
Date: so you were married twice before? Me: yes Date: any kids Me: no they were both adults
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Anthony McHats retweetledi
Boog
Boog@bewgtweets·
Me: *carefully going around the victims body with chalk* Detective: We don’t usually outline the balls Me: oh I’m not a cop lol
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Anthony McHats retweetledi
Skurt Vonnegut
Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHater·
Packed your bags last night pre-flight? I pack my bags ON the plane, cowards.
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Anthony McHats retweetledi
Bummer T. Vibes, Esq
Bummer T. Vibes, Esq@VibesBummer·
If the T-1000 could take on any form, why didn’t it just become a surfboard and wait for John Connor to hang ten?
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Anthony McHats retweetledi
𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃𝘀.
I only want people to tell me how long their baby was if it was over 3 feet
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Anthony McHats retweetledi
NurseBrianRN
NurseBrianRN@rn_murse·
a glory hole, but for baby corn
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