the punk monger

@DaveW773976020 @Charles83230639 Get well soon.

@Charles83230639 Well, he speaks for me and 99% of the people I know. Gratest pm we've had.

You don’t speak for me! 🤮 And you never will.🖕

@gidcoe Twat on a bike by Hung Like Hanratty?

@NadineDorries Think Sean Lock was right.

A tiger has been undone by nibbling mice. If there is no room for such a figure, politics has got too small - The Mail mailplus.co.uk/edition/commen…

@AdamHighcliffe @NadineDorries With due acknowledgement to Sean Lock.

@NadineDorries Interesting that Nadine Dorries describes Johnson as a tiger. Perhaps... The Tiger Who Came To Tea? In which a predator tricks his way into a house, seduces the women, strips the home of all resources, and prances off into the sunset, leaving the confused women gagging for more.

@LeeAndersonMP_ I'm not seeing this as a negative, unlike the restrictions and constraints imposed by your government.

I did say this 👇 Mr Anderson told the Express: "If Sir Keir gets his hands on the keys to No10 he would drag the UK back into the EU. express.co.uk/news/politics/…

@mrmarksteel It might be a bit of a Tory heartland, but still room for a great punk venue

I’m pleased to see this flag is on the theatre in Stamford for the coronation, or I might have refused to go on.

@official_jcc The Brothers Grinn 😁

Name this trio 🕶️

@NewWaveAndPunk A true visionary. No-one can afford houses and live in a perpetual traffic queue waiting to get Brexit done.

Here in my car I feel safest of all I can lock all my doors It's the only way to live in cars Here in my car I can only receive I can listen to you It keeps me stable for days in cars Here in my car Where the image breaks down Will you visit me, please If I open my door in cars?

@marcrileydj Spot on, and it's on the mantelpiece to prove it.

I’m sure you’ve all noticed.. but the vast majority of ****s on here don’t have a photo of themselves representing their account. It’s almost is if they know full well that they are - indeed - PRIZE ****S!

@marcrileydj Another trumpeted up charge.

😳

@LeeAndersonMP_ Be careful, losing weight, gaining an influential position and being a serial changeling may cause infidelity

The Twitter Diet. Week 3 weigh in. Despite falling off wagon on Friday I have lost another 2lb, that's 7lb in total. That's half a stone in old money & another stone to go.

@mrmarksteel @lamarr_mark Terry Pratchett at Hay on Wye about 10 years ago, he hummed.

Right. I’m engaged in a conversation with @lamarr_mark about who we’ve stood next to while having a piss. So far we’ve got Derek Jameson, Peter Snow, Tim Rice and Gary Glitter. Any others? (I’m aware this will be a tad male-dominated, I can only apologise).

@Nigel_Farage The penny has dropped, breeding eh? And just turn that spotlight around for further enlightenment.

Prince Harry is a low-grade, dim, money-grubbing disgrace.

@Nigel_Farage You really should work at being less smug and more human.

Merry Christmas, raise a glass!

@thealarm Great stuff. Keep fighting the fight boss 👊

A Personal Message and Seasons Greetings from Mike Peters "Today has been a good day. It’s the first day in many years, that I have been able to live with a perfect blood count." Read more from Mike here: bit.ly/3GeQNPE

@JimmyGlaister @realaled Interesting to note the value you place on life and grief.

So very sad to hear of the passing of dear Ruth Madoc - a lovely person I was lucky to know. Love to her family x RIP

@JonathanPieNews I couldn't be more disinterested.... unless of course they live stream his trial.

Oh God, he’s releasing a single isn’t he?

@johnshuttlewrth I have a BASF C60 with snippets of the shipping forecast on, I might have room on the end to tape it for you?

Remember to tune in this evening at 11 pm to listen to my brand new show ‘Rusty’s Party’ on BBC Radio 4. Unfortunately I’ll be asleep by then, so I’ll miss it..

@maybekatiejane @papa_goon @joelycett Thanks, I'll probably stick with my initial instinct.

@ThePunkmonger @papa_goon @joelycett (I think Martin there is making a joke)

A few of you messaged over the last day or so saying card payments weren't working to watch my latest stand-up show. FYI: we've fixed it! 🌈 P.S. The show is quite gay so do avoid if you're John Fashanu.