Burp Reynolds

@MariaBowtell @SBarrettBar Took me 25 seconds. But you won't buy it & wear it on the 08:39 from Bridlington > Beverley because you'd look a lunatic and you're talking performative shite. If you actually took 2 hrs then drop me a note & I can suggest some Google courses specifically designed for planks.

@SBarrettBar I'm terrified for a long train journey I have next week. I've been searching for affordable stab proof clothing the last 2 hours. It shouldn't be this way. My heart breaks for this country and it's people.

I need to get on a train tomorrow. Will I be safe?

@WhiteHouse @TripleH This really is the stupidest timeline anyone could have imagined. I'm assuming Health Advisor Camacho's main plan will be force-feeding pre-schoolers steroids. Now do the Epstein files.

ARE YOU READY… TO MAKE AMERICA FIT AGAIN WHITE HOUSE X @TRIPLEH 🔥

Israel is starving NICU babies. Not by mistake—by policy. The milk is gone. Mothers starving too. When Israel says it’s defending itself and the EU and US echo it this is what they mean. No other regime is committing cruelty like this. Starving infants. Deliberately.

@dieworkwear Very much enjoyed this read. Fascinating history.

I think Brad Pitt's suit is interesting. And I'll tell you why. 🧵

Get him more ket

@kentfirerescue Stuck in the middle, any updates available on when likely movement? Only info I can find says 0300(!?). Just have elderly and an infant in car and wondering for toilet situation more than anything else. All best.

Crews are advising people to avoid the A249, section one, Southbound and Northbound due to car crash. More here: kent.fire-uk.org/incident/maids…

@Nigel_Farage Literally crying over spilled milk. Dick.

We now live in a country where you can assault a Member of Parliament and not go to prison. The latest example of two-tier justice.

Bye twitter. Can't be part of this nonsense anymore. Digital detox sorely needed. What an utterly awful day for decency and kindness.

If you think this is bad, my toddler has just woken up at 3:45am wide awake and chatting a load of spooky shit about there being a load of chickens in his bedroom. Fuck today.

If anyone thinks I'm separating my recycling after this they've got another thing coming. Absolutely piss all point.

@washingtonpost Standing in a corner, swaying off-beat to the bad DJ, like the weird friendless douche he is.

Tech billionaire Elon Musk is expected to spend election night with Donald Trump as wealthy donors descend on the former president’s Mar-a-Lago residence in Palm Beach, Florida. wapo.st/3UGvLAf

Badenoch unveils new shadow cabinet.

My sister Sarah Cunningham has been missing since 0230am in Camden. Last seen leaving apartment building on Jamestown Road. She was wearing a black outfit. If you have any information please let me or the police know. she has been officially reported as missing.

i recommend not wearing vests in the same color as your face

@NME @TheWho Urgh. Gross.

.@TheWho will return in 2025 to “make a noise and make a mess and make mistakes” nme.com/news/music/the…

@tvukzone Who at ITV hates fun so much.

Mel Giedroyc to host new ITV gameshow #Pictionary based on the classic drawing boardgame, launching later this year with a Christmas special. More details: tvzoneuk.com/post/pictionar…

@BothersBar Exact same thought here. They've been around as long as I've been in telly.

12 Yard quality over 20 years has been variable, but it feels like an end of an era.

@Ken_Stonger @PolitlcsUK @Telegraph It's a v fair point. Regardless it's hardly comparable to London and Kigali.

@TheWorstTom @PolitlcsUK @Telegraph Wait until you hear about St Helena

🚨 NEW: Keir Starmer has agreed a £6m Rwanda-style deal to deport migrants who arrive at the Chagos Islands to St Helena [@Telegraph]

@DavidLammy You know you're the Foreign Secretary yeah? Just wanted to check. Because if you don't, that's scary. If you do, then get the fuck off twitter and sort it out.

The situation in Northern Gaza is dire with the UN reporting that barely any food has entered in the last two weeks. The UK has consistently made clear that Israel must do more to get aid into Gaza and comply with international humanitarian law. We need an immediate ceasefire, much more aid in and hostages out. My statement: gov.uk/government/new…