Richard Black

@MissD3cember Arse satchel

@NME @back_the_BBC I wonder how much of his estate was wasted on legal fees....

Comedian Sean Hughes’ £4million estate given to charity after decade-long will battle nme.com/news/tv/comedi…

@youlooklikeamom Fabulous

@g_gosden Sir Bryan May

Brexit has failed

@JoannaCannon You forgot the victims house always have picture windows

Not dealing with my emotions has also stolen my ability to read (no concentration) or sleep for any length of time, so I have taken to watching ENDLESS British crime dramas. The mandatory opening scene is a chaotic family breakfast, featuring at least one person staring furtively at their scrambled eggs for Reasons Unknown. The cast needs to include Martin Clunes, or James Hannah (or both) and Nicola Walker, and a nice woman who used to be in Casualty, but you can’t remember her name, so you have to pause and look it up. The body is always found by a dog walker. Someone also has to vomit at this point (either the dog walker or a policeman fresh out of policeman school, either will do). The cast needs to include an eccentric pathologist, an enthusiastic but naïve junior detective, and a desk sergeant who knows more than he’s letting on. The main detective must have sketchy coping strategies and constantly argue with their boss, but rather than getting them sacked, this attitude somehow makes them better at solving crimes. There is a lot of car door slamming, and people are in such a rush to catch murderers, they never say goodbye to each other on the telephone. It’s also almost always set at the sea side, because you can conveniently throw things into the sea, like mobile telephones and murder weapons. The sea also provides ample opportunity for yet more furtive staring. At some point, the detective will need to consult a retired policeman who, quite fortuitously, remembers every single detail from a case he never solved in 1973. People stare out of windows and draw arrows on whiteboards. Then, just when everything seems hopeless, the eccentric pathologist rings at some ungodly hour of the morning with a break through, we discover the murderer didn’t clean their car boot out properly, and something the detective hasn’t been able to ‘quite put their finger on’ since episode two suddenly makes sense and they finally decide share it with the rest of us. The closing episode usually involves a tense car chase, lots of confrontation and shouting (usually in a multi-story car park or a disused warehouse), but finally we can all rest easy because the murderer is caught (and it’s never, ever the furtive starer). Please God let my reading mojo come back soon or I will lose my ACTUAL MARBLES. *watches another one*

Gentle reminder that we’re only 3 years away from this timeline.

@Footinit @scriptwren Bit too control-freaky for me tbh.

@Trainpainter01 @scriptwren Why?

One of the saddest moments in my marriage was when I booked a surprise night away/dinner in Suffolk in a lovely pub with dinner, asked my ex to get milk from the garage then picked him with his overnight bag packed, and said ‘hop in’. He was so angry and miserable the whole time.

@johninsouthfla The twelfth ot never

When will Chris Mason and Laura Kuenssberg question Richard Tice over tax avoidance?

Saturday night fever to the Only Fools and Horses theme tune. You're welcome. Credit-@Pandamoanimum

@BBCNews @back_the_BBC #notnews this isn't news, just more BBC navel-gazing.

Claudia Winkleman's new chat show splits critics bbc.in/4dl6buI

@IyelolaIge Click bait bullshit

Imagine saving a Lady's life at work… and getting reported to HR two days later for s*xual harassment. He’s a quiet guy but friendly with everyone at work. He normally treats his coworkers like friends. About two months ago, during a work lunch, one of his colleagues suddenly started choking on food. Everyone panicked. So he quickly stepped in and did the choking rescue method where you stand behind the person, wrap your arms around their stomach and press inward and upward to force the food out of their throat. After a few pushes, the food came out and she could breathe again. Everyone around them cheered. He simply asked if she was okay. She nodded and rushed to the bathroom without saying much, so he didn’t think anything of it. Two days later, HR called him in. They told him the same colleague had filed a complaint saying his touching during the rescue made her uncomfortable. She said his body was too close and that she felt his private area while he was helping her. He was shocked. They placed him under investigation for a week while he continued working. Eventually HR cleared him completely. But after that, he changed how he interacted with her. He kept distance, only spoke to her when necessary, and stopped including her in casual hangouts. She later apologized and explained she had past trauma. Still, he kept his distance. Now she says he’s being petty. He says he’s just protecting himself. Was he wrong for permanently stepping back even after her apology?

@catgirlprostate Milton Keynes is a great city...

It's so funny how the UK made one American city in the 50s and it sucks so much that they never did it again and is constantly mocked by everyone

@SimonJohnson_ @back_the_BBC @anon_opin Its incessant

@anon_opin Both Bauer Media & Global are as bad as each other, every other link seems to be about the big jackpot you can win on Friday.

Commercial radio stations have turned into for-profit, barely-legal lotteries preying on desperate poor people, the odds of winning a "network competition" are tiny, and the government should stop it. Bauer Media, I'm looking at you

@fesshole Fair dos

I found a coat on the ground when I was out on a walk. I picked it up intending to put in on a nearby bench for the owner to find. I saw the brand was 'Rab' and I knew this was a premium brand. I took it home, washed it and listed it on 'Vinted' it sold very quickly for £45.

@Classicbritcom Aaaand there he goes...

Remembering the Commentator Murray Walker who passed away 5 years ago today 😇🙏

@lysettearchive Save you from clothes?😃

stills from the erotic American movie "Save Me" playing the character Ellie in 1994

@RodneyMarshall1 Ironically, Pelham comments that he isn't James Bond.

Roger Moore: "It was one of the best scripts I'd ever read. When asked about the movie, I always reflect that it was one of the few times I was allowed to act. It's a terrible admission from someone who has made a living in front of cameras. Though, in my defence..." 1/

@siobhanworld And you just can't hide it!

Ticket booked for Alison Moyet in Nottingham. I’m more excited than a Pointer Sister dialled up to 11.

@michaelwhite Odious chap

I can’t help wondering if this unsavoury rascal might have got more media attention that p31 of the Times Business section if his name has been Mandelson instead of being a fallen hedge fund boss and Brexit Tory