Alexander Myers

Understand that these are tryouts for the NGO industry. The folks up front monologuing are minor league non profit activists auditioning for a spot in the major leagues. Six-figure revenue subawards recipients trying to join the 7-9 figure revenue prime award recipients

I hate going to a mall or an airport. I just get so angry. You look around and you think we lost a war

@ltwombly93 Every time me and my girl go to the mall and we enter the food court I ask her "where are all the white people?" 🤣

In 1970, a drunken Rip Torn attacked Norman Mailer with a hammer and literally tried to kill him while filming Mailer's movie MAIDSTONE - and it was all caught on film 👀

I know this person. He's also gay.

@greggutfeld Hell of a lot of bitches in there

And it’s the reason they were canceled. That head count is more than most decent sized businesses. For 3 jokes a night, at best.

@BoneHeap1000 @RazorFist So the main character's headphones don't use an aux cord?

@RazorFist @RazorFist Your face says it all.

Let's Mock: MIXTAPE x.com/i/broadcasts/1…

@VLolosOfficiel Jose Canseco vs the World

LLLLLOL bring it!! XDXD

@mask_bastard Duh 🦆

Are you self destructive?

@SomeBitchIIKnow People are so fucking dumb, it's crazy.

In this instance the baby survived and has a chance to live, you evil bimbo.

@SomeBitchIIKnow My cat is 10 years old and I still call him a kitten. ❤️

Little Cat: Sits there. Me: You’re such a kitty!!

@DJPh03NiX Music software is so damn expensive! So yeah, I consider my computer to be the black pearl.

Yeah no way I’m paying $2000 for audio plugins. So yeah know what I have to do. Savvy.

@BrittanyXVenti My sister owns a lot of her books. Pretty much a super fan for life. How I understand it, Chelsea is the "bad bitch" my sister wishes that she was.

I never met someone who was a Chelsea Handler fan or saw someone say she’s funny. Seriously what was her show for? I used to watch it after fashion police and it puzzled me what she was doing there.

🚨 EXPLORER WILL EAT FERMENTED SEAL FOR A MONTH A British explorer is skiing across Greenland while surviving entirely on slowly decomposing seal meat. Researchers are tracking how the extreme Inuit-style diet changes the microbes inside his gut during the expedition. Scientists believe fermented meats may have helped Inuit populations stay healthy on almost all-meat diets for generations. The study will compare microbes found in the fermenting seal meat with samples collected from both the explorer and his sled dog.

Damn this is so sad! What a young age to go. Pour one out for the homie. RIP 🙏

@DT2ComicsChat I really loved the Flash and the crossover events. Legends of Tomorrow was really fun to watch too. They had their flaws but were still entertaining.

Good but flawed, as most things are. And of wildly varying quality show by show, and season by season. But still....the most live action superhero content we've ever gotten on TV at once.

@redsteeze That's so awesome! I've seen hundreds of bands, I don't know where to start. I missed out on all the banger artists that you listed here. They were before my time. 🤘

I'm only doing this because it's Jon. Dumb: 1. Radiohead - The infamous show opening for Soul Asylum in Denver where they had their all of their instruments stolen in a van. 2. Pavement (First time staged dived to Cut your hair) 3. Belly (Tanya Donelly ran her fingers through my hair. Gave me an autograph during the opening band.) 4. Liz Phair (Sat on the stage behind her when she invited a bunch of people up to sit in her living room stage set) 5. Björk (My first ever live concert was U2 Zoo TV tour. I had no real idea who they were but I won the tickets off the radio. The sugar cubes opened for them on that tour. No idea who she or U2 was. Fun story my ninth grade teacher offered to chaperone me to the concert because her ex had tickets. I turned her down. Achtung Baby is my favorite album all time) 6. Oasis at a max capacity of 500 people mini theater on their opening US tour. Had not heard a single song of theirs. 7. Pulp at Radio City Music Hall in NYC. Enough said. 8. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs at Kings Theatre Brooklyn in 2017. Their first in a few years. 9. St. Vincent (pic attached) doing a vocal only piano performance of her electro guitar album at the Brooklyn Academy of music. 10. Sigur Ros outside at the BRIC Brooklyn Celebrates outside music performances. Chuck Schumer came out to introduce them and was booed.

@CAMELCASTOff ❤️ 🐾

See you on the other side, Loki.

Look how crusty the image gets after 38 iterations!

@ttunlehs @philthatremains Do single women even go to church? All of the women at my church are married.

@philthatremains Men need to get off dating apps. Go to church. Find a woman and make a family.

i have literally seen men swipe right until they reach the limit for the day and receive zero replies. it’s not that men need to lower their standards, it is the women that need to lower their standards.