Ethical Cricket

My wife was formerly promiscuous. I was a virgin. She was then radically born-again. Committed to church, evangelized constantly, Puritan books in her bedroom, prayer journals, grief over past sexual sin, etc. We got to know each other well for over a year, dated for four months, engaged for two and a half, and didn't sin sexually with one another. Our first kiss with each other was at the altar on our wedding day (reaction pic attached!). We've been married for over five years now, and she's been the most wonderful and godly wife, mother to our three children, and homemaker you could imagine. She's more pure than most virgins, as biblical purity has less to with past sins (though they certainly matter) and more to do with one's current posture of the heart and daily decisions to honor the Lord (Matt. 5:8). We're far too quick to forget the story of the woman labeled as a known "sinner" (likely a prostitute) in Luke 7:36-50 who was washing Jesus' feet with her tears while kissing them too. The Pharisees were shocked that Jesus let a public sinner do this. Jesus responded with a parable about debts being forgiven and ended with this powerful conclusion: "Her many sins have been forgiven; that’s why she loved much. But the one who is forgiven little, loves little" (Luke 7:47). Everyone seems to highlight the benefits of virginity, and it certainly is a blessing. But we forget to highlight the benefits of being forgiven much as well. My wife knows the depths of Jesus' forgiveness more than most people, enabling her to more easily live out a life of passionate love for her Savior. A woman or man's past sexual sin matters. But what matters far more when it comes to deciding who to marry is if the person is truly born again, if their repentance is real, if they truly have a heart for Christ, if they truly follow Jesus and obey his commands. "God has chosen what is foolish in the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen what is weak in the world to shame the strong. God has chosen what is insignificant and despised in the world ​— ​what is viewed as nothing ​— ​to bring to nothing what is viewed as something, so that no one may boast in his presence. It is from him that you are in Christ Jesus, who became wisdom from God for us ​— ​our righteousness, sanctification, and redemption, — in order that, as it is written: 'Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.'" (1 Cor. 1:27-31) "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, and see, the new has come!" (2 Cor. 5:17)

This brand of Christianity is most attractive to women who want zero accountability. The lie is you can just go to god and say “sooooorey” and Jesus comes down from the earth wand waves a Harry Potter wand or something and everything is erased. Grace doesn’t work like that. Grace is just an opportunity. It doesn’t absolve you from have to do the work to overcome consequences and make amends. This is performative anyway down to the last tear, but people will fall for it

Matt, thanks for the post, friend. 1. I appreciate you calling out the harmful remarks to me and my bride. We don't hold it against them. We're also far worse than they know. 2. I agree that some Christians are far too eager to share the details of their past sins with others, and that often, it can be unwise. And I agree that discretion is important, and there's a place to not share details of past wrongs (Prov. 11:13). But sharing details of our lives before Christ and how he's transformed us is biblical and brings great glory to God. If you open up Acts chapter 26, Paul wrote paragraphs about his life before Jesus, going into great detail of the shameful things he had done (Acts 26:4-11). He then shared how Jesus marvelously transformed his life (v. 12-15), and then tied it into the gospel, hoping that God would "open their eyes so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins" (Acts 26:18). Or consider the woman at the well that Jesus evangelized to. Her sexual immorality before Christ is etched into Scripture for all eternity: "'For you’ve had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband'" (John 4:18). After her interaction with Jesus, verses 28-29 say, "Then the woman left her water jar, went into town, and told the people, 'Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Messiah?'" Revelation 12:11 says, "They conquered him (the Accuser) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony." There's more examples in Scripture of godly men and women's sins being explicitly written down, including sexual immorality, fornication, harlotry, etc. My point is that if God through the Scriptures brings up the past sins of godly people to edify the saints, and if godly people in the Bible itself shared their past sins before Christ and how the gospel transformed them, how is it any different, or inappropriate, for my wife and I to agree to publicly share how she once was promiscuous, but has now been saved and redeemed? 3. Lastly, I unquestionably struggle with pride and vanity. That much is true. And I'm a great sinner, so I wouldn't be surprised if vanity and pride was in my heart as I wrote out that line about my wife being purer than most virgins. But pride has more to do with praising oneself, whereas praising another is biblical: "Let another praise you, and not your own mouth — a stranger, and not your own lips" (Prov. 27:2). Proverbs 31 even includes an explicit example where a godly woman's husband says she's better than every other woman, and it's highlighted as a great thing, not pride or vanity: "Her husband also praises her: 'Many women have done noble deeds, but you surpass them all!'" (Prov. 31:28-29). So praising my wife by saying she's more pure than most virgins is in line with that the Scriptures say actually happens to a godly woman. Most importantly, the principal desire in my heart upon writing that she's purer than most virgins was to underscore this key truth: that biblical purity is much different than the world's understanding of purity. Jesus said, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God" (Matt. 5:8-3). Or consider 1 Timothy 1:5: "The goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith." While sexual purity matters and is commanded (1 Cor. 6:18-20), and all Christians should strive to remain virgins and will be blessed for that, the purity that God looks for and cares about the most is found in the heart. And as I've now seen first-hand the glorious and redemptive work of Christ in the life of my wife, I can most certainly say that she is more pure than most virgins, since most virgins are unfortunately lost and without Jesus. And a Christian with a promiscuous, forgiven past who loves Jesus has a heart that is far more pure in the eyes of God than a virgin who isn't in Christ. This viral debate has shown me that people greatly struggle to separate one's life before Christ from their life after Christ. The world can't fathom that such change can happen. But the Bible is clear: "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, and see, the new has come!" (1 Cor. 5:17). Or consider Galatians 2:20: "I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me." That old Ashley is dead. It's because of these truths that my wife and I choose to boldly, confidently, and without giving loads of explicit details, share the sins that stained us before Christ with others. Not often, but at times and when fitting, so that other believers can be encouraged, other sinners can be given hope of redemption and forgiveness, and the lost can hear the good news of the gospel, that though all are headed for Hell for their sins, anyone who repents and places their trust in the resurrected Christ will be saved (John 3:16, 18). Regardless of how much you've sinned, you can't out-sin the mercy of God. You can be washed clean, your shame and guilt removed, and you can have a brand-new identity in Jesus Christ. Hallelujah! God bless you, Matt.