Jenner

@Biah__Bee @QuartoSinistro I would love to spend more time learning about the psychological effects of environments & how we can build urban infrastructure that is both socially necessarily & promotes individual & collective thriving But I have a rubric & formatting guide to write to instead!

@Biah__Bee @QuartoSinistro I've spent 3 hours this afternoon formatting image & table descriptions & making sure my . & , in my reference list are all there Tomorrow I'm going to find a few hundred words to remove to fit an arbitrary word count Learning doesn't really seem a priority!

Queridos alunos, pedimos trabalhos manuscritos porque vocês copiam e colam tudo de IA em trabalhos digitados. Ao pedir manuscrito, talvez você ainda se dê ao luxo de ler o que a IA cuspiu.

@sukh_saroy Also that 94% He'd already knew which couples had separated Took that took that knowledge manipulated the conclusions he made about the video footage & built his "perfect" mathematical equation

@sukh_saroy These studies have never been replicated, they have massive selection biases & small samples sizes They are homogeneous white middle-class heterosexual college-educated living in university towns like Seattle It tells us nothing about relationships!

A University of Washington psychologist spent 40 years watching 3,000 married couples argue in a glass-walled apartment, and the data he collected lets him predict, with 94 percent accuracy, which couples will divorce - in under fifteen minutes. The findings have been published in the Journal of Family Psychology and replicated by labs around the world. Almost no married person has been told what they actually say. His name is John Gottman. He runs what is now widely known as the Love Lab at the University of Washington. He built it in 1986. It is an actual research apartment with cameras hidden behind one-way glass. Couples check in for a weekend. They cook. They argue. They sleep. They make up. They have no idea which moments are being analyzed. Heart rate sensors track their nervous systems. Researchers code every facial expression, every word, every micro-shift in tone. The setup is the longest, most intimate observational study of marriage ever conducted. Over four decades, Gottman and his wife Julie have surveyed more than 40,000 couples and recorded the inner mechanics of thousands of real arguments. The data set is so deep that he and his team can now do something that sounds impossible. They can watch a couple discuss a single conflict for fifteen minutes, code what they see, and predict whether that couple will still be married six years later with 94 percent accuracy. The detail that should disturb every person in a serious relationship is what actually predicts divorce. It is not the topic. It is not the volume. It is not even whether the couple yells. It is four specific communication patterns Gottman calls the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. The first is criticism. Stating a complaint as a defect in your partner's character. Not "you forgot to take out the trash," but "you are so selfish." The second is defensiveness. Treating every concern your partner raises as an attack to be parried instead of a signal to be heard. The third is stonewalling. Withdrawing from the interaction entirely. Going silent. Walking away. Refusing to engage. Gottman's data shows that about 85 percent of stonewallers are men. This is not because men care less. It is because the male nervous system floods faster and recovers slower, and silence becomes the only available exit. The fourth is contempt. Eye rolls. Mockery. Sarcasm. Name-calling. Talking down. It is the partner who looks at you like you are stupid, weak, or beneath them. Of the four, contempt is the most dangerous. Gottman calls it the single greatest predictor of divorce. It is not that contempt sometimes shows up in unhealthy marriages. It is that contempt almost never shows up in healthy ones. The presence of contempt is a near-perfect signal that the emotional contract underneath the relationship has already been broken, even if neither partner has consciously named it yet. The reason most people resist this finding is that they imagine divorce is caused by the dramatic fights. The screaming matches. The affairs. The blow-up moments. Gottman's data says the opposite. Marriages do not die from big explosions. They die from a slow accumulation of small moments of disrespect that nobody flagged at the time. A look. A sigh. A muttered word. The roll of the eyes when your partner is mid-sentence. These are not minor irritations. They are the visible surface of something the data shows is already lethal. Then Gottman found something almost no one talks about. The finding that turned a relationship study into a medical one. He measured the physical health of couples who showed regular contempt in their conversations. They had measurably higher rates of infectious illness than couples who did not. Colds. Flu. Sinus infections. Their immune systems were operating in a chronically suppressed state. Living next to someone who looks down on you was making the body sick in ways that no diet, exercise, or sleep schedule could fix. The body was treating contempt as a wound. The detail that should disturb every parent reading this is what the research showed about children raised in these homes. Gottman's data found that children of contemptuous couples missed more school days from illness, performed worse academically, and had higher rates of behavioral problems than children of couples who fought just as often but without contempt. The conflict was not the variable. The disrespect was. The reason most couples do not see contempt coming is that it does not announce itself. It builds slowly, on a foundation of small unresolved resentments. Gottman's longitudinal data shows that contempt is almost always preceded by years of unaddressed criticism. The partner who feels constantly attacked stops trying to win the argument and starts trying to win the moral high ground. They begin to look at their partner not as an equal facing a shared problem, but as a lesser human who deserves to be corrected. Once that shift happens, the marriage is already on a curve almost nobody pulls out of without serious intervention. The most uncomfortable line in Gottman's later interviews is the one almost no marriage advice book quotes. He said the absence of contempt is more important than the presence of love. Couples who fight constantly but treat each other with fundamental respect during the fights survive. Couples who barely fight but show contempt in their quiet moments do not. You can love someone and still be killing the relationship one eye roll at a time. The good news buried in 40 years of data is that the Four Horsemen have specific antidotes. Criticism has a gentle start-up. Defensiveness has accepting some responsibility. Stonewalling has a self-soothing break. Contempt has the daily practice of building genuine appreciation, on purpose, out loud, even when you do not feel it. Gottman calls this last one the most important relationship skill almost nobody is taught. The couples who survive long-term are not the ones who feel the most love. They are the ones who keep choosing to express respect for their partner even after the chemistry has cooled. You will not be destroyed by your hardest fights. You will be destroyed by the small moments your partner stops respecting you, or you stop respecting them, and neither of you notices yet that the verdict has already been written. The four-minute conversation that decided everything happened months ago. Almost nobody plays it back. You can be the one who does.

@alisterberkeley @Rodw33381986 The question you should be asking is why in 2026 is there such a cultural addiction to Thatcher's "there is no society only the individual" lie?

@alisterberkeley @Rodw33381986 20 something today - for the most part - don't have the cultural narratives the "prosperity" doctrine or the "relaxed & comfortable" of Howard brainwashing them into wealth hoarding Huge cultural shift happening! So it's a redundant question

My younger sister is a school teacher, and the best saver I know. She squirrelled away money for decades, takes extra work, works really hard, and invests all her money into equities. Now Albo has taken half of it. There are no words to describe how abhorrent this CGT policy is.

@__Siffa @prettycritical When did feminism start seeing the way men live & the way men make decisions as the absolute human default & anything women do that deviates from their ways is worthless? Maybe men are in the wrong here? Nope couldn't be!

@__Siffa @prettycritical So because you're a feminist you couldn't possibly step in with curiosity here? To wonder why women are setting bare minimum expectations from the beginning? To situate the problem as resource expectations- you want me to travel 30 mins each way - & not "passengers princess"

857 comments. DELICIOUS😈

@Cr7Godbrand @ATysia My husbands income is 95% of our household budget He is a provider - his words not mine! He pays for a cleaner - that's a huge way he providers We spend our weekends having brunch together & quick weekends away How pathetic you can't provide the same for your wife

Marriage isn’t partnership. If your idea of partnership only involves splitting chores and not bills, then it’s not partnership. Yall love talking about partnership when it comes to cooking and cleaning, but suddenly forget about rent, utilities, groceries, insurance, car payments, and financial pressure. If one person is carrying most of the financial burden while the other only focuses on splitting chores, that’s not equal either. A man providing financially and a woman taking care of the home is still teamwork. Different roles, same goal: building a stable family and peaceful home together.

I’ve been married for five years, and my wife does most of the cooking and cleaning. I hardly do those things. Why? Because she cooks three types of meals on the weekend that last from Monday to Friday. She only does laundry on weekends. She only cleans on weekends. We also do our shopping only on weekends. I had to help create these routines for her because she kept complaining about the “mental load” crap. Women create a lot of this mental load for themselves and then complain that motherhood is hard. No, you made motherhood hard on yourselves. She doesn’t have to deep-clean the floor late at night. She can do it tomorrow. She doesn’t have to do laundry late at night either. Laundry can even be done on the weekend. She doesn’t have to wash the dishes immediately; they can wait until tomorrow.

@NataliaAntonova That the disorder belongs within her not within the culture & the dyad! He got exactly what he wanted but even that wasn't enough to satisfy his entitlement to sex as he thinks of it!

@NataliaAntonova Wait! So a man who wants a specific cultural construct "the pure Christian virgin" get exactly what he asks for then uses the DSM pathologising her very human responses to a man she's grown up learning only wants one thing from her? This is still a patriarchal mindset

Alright, story time. First of all, abstaining from sex is a deeply personal choice. Mocking it is cruel and stupid. ✨Having said that✨ I had a client who needed help with dating apps. Nice guy (yes he’s cool with me telling you his story now). Turns out he got divorced a year prior. His wife was furious at him for filing. When he filed, he hadn’t touched her in a year. This guy found religion after getting out of the military. He had church friends who were your typical alt religious bros, “You gotta marry a virgin! She’ll be loyal.” He bought into every trope: “Women with experience can’t bond with you normally.” “You’re a cuck if you marry a slut like that.” He got fixed up with a pretty woman from church. Early 20s, pious, pursuing a degree but lives with her parents and not on campus, THE VIRGIN HUNTER’S DREAM. They had a short courtship. She didn’t like him kissing her, but he figured she believed in purity until marriage. She didn’t like being alone with him, or sharing in his hobbies, but that’s because she was pure! She just didn’t want to be tempted if he took her on a nice hike! What a wonderful woman, right? They get married and he finds out that she hates him touching her. She just puts up with it. Freezes up when he tries to hug her, or kiss her neck, or anything. Sex and affection are a solemn duty. The only position is missionary. She screws her eyes shut the entire time. He tries to get her out of her shell, and she’s disgusted. One time, he tries to take her lingerie shopping. She cries in the car at how perverted he’s being. She isn’t here for his interests either. She’s closed off, like a beautiful shell. One time he tries to take her fishing. Even that is a disaster. If she’s not at church or visiting her parents, she wants to be at home. She’s happy there. She says if he loved her, he wouldn’t act like a porn-brained beast, nor would he try to change her. Why can’t he be happy with missionary duty sex? Why is he being so awful and gross? She says she wants children, but at this point he feels like a rapist if he so much as pats her arm affectionately. He considers suicide when she berates him. Finally he finds out about asexuality and anxiety disorders, puts two and two together, and files for divorce. Her family is furious, his church buddies are furious, and he has to cut ties with some people. She threatens suicide. Thankfully doesn’t go through with it. He gets out of the experience feeling like a monster and an idiot. Takes a year off to actually find himself, find better friends, and a church where he belongs. Moral of the story is this: Don’t expect someone who hates physical and emotional intimacy to become your lover and friend. The cult of purity is a great cover for neuroses. A woman who thinks sex is a “duty” is not going to be into it because you put a ring on her finger.

@sejwah @BibimbapNom @Anna_Soubry If we really want evidence based guidelines then we need modern evidence not a misunderstanding of outdated 33 is the age you're looking for & really our brains never stop developing there's no universal switch from immature to mature

@sejwah @BibimbapNom @Anna_Soubry If we're going to bring neuroscience into this then the actual chronological age is early 30s Old outdated neuroimaging showed 20s Newer more precise shows key rewiring & efficiency at 32/33

Lord help us #Today Charlotte Proudman put forward as an expert on youth offending sentences proving she absolutely is not. Look at sentencing policy & guidelines which tie Judges hands. I swiftly add it’s abs right the sentence goes to the Ct of Appeal

@CE_HandSurg @AbuBashar438499 You missed this bit - the top NP outperform the bottom performing physicians in roughly 38% There was no sig difference in mortality rates & the higher inpatients were complex cases rerouted from outpatient care A variance greater within than the variance between them

@AbuBashar438499 Chan DC. Evidence from the Emergency Department. American Economic Review. 2025. doi:10.1257/aer.20241007.

VA emergency department study showed NP care = longer length of stay, more costs, more imaging/consult use, more preventable hospitalizations. You chose to ignore that study. In every system the very sick patients are taken care of by physicians so mid-levels don't kill them.

@ruthefordml @ItzDayo It's called seldom advocacy Only someone not familiar with healthcare consumers rights would think of it as arguing against an expert Informed consent - we get to say no without our care being compromised

@ItzDayo Healthcare as an experience is entirely different from healthcare as a professional practice. Sure, patients' illness experiences matter, and every good doctor acknowledges this. But that's still not expertise. Even in their own illness, the patient is not an expert.

Healthcare is probably the only profession where people think it's okay to argue what the professionals on what they know. Nobody argues quantum physics with physicists, or law with lawyers. But everyone is an expert in healthcare.

@treesey Notice how none of them refer to Le Mond when quoting her Or to Zara the 17 year old student she assaulted Or to the well known vile sexual violence of her husband in Tunisia Yeah that bit!

I see we’ve reached the **quoting Simone de Beauvoir out of context** stage

@NeilFlochMD We go to how did you put it competent physicians & have our pain & symptoms reframes as anxiety told heavy periods are "normal" & menopause is supposed to hurt Maybe these NPs & PAs will have the competence & compassion we're all in desperate need of!

Doctors share your frustration as well. Please don’t make the rules and the system, we have been marginalized and eliminated from decision making. Those with power believe we are overpaid and not cost-efficient so more Nurse Practitioners and Physician Assistants will be seeing more patients. They are intelligent people, well trained and competent but not at the level of Physicians.

@EllenBarryNYT motherhood - including basic inhome postpartum healthcare maternity leave & 3rd spaces & replaced them all with a pill that costs 1/2 a cent to manufacture! That's the damn story that's being told! 7 days postpartum with nothing else to manage anxiety - it's disgusting!

@EllenBarryNYT It's tells one heck of a story huh!. 7 days postpartum & the only thing available to a new mum is a medication known to disrupt normal REM sleep and deep slow-wave sleep in an already exhausted woman! We took away the social infrastructure that women need to thrive in

Many of the reader comments are along these lines:

@m_aadil @markhoro @taperingtay So because the US electoral system is archaic & incentivises fascism We can't imagine a better system of care for the global population Yeah sounds about Yank!

@markhoro @taperingtay It shouldn’t be one, but if one uses it as a tool to justify limiting access to medications, cut Medicaid, eliminate research and disability funding-one must question their quest and intention.

It really shouldn't need to be said but here is @taperingtay in possession of a bleeding lefty heart but also a brain susceptible to the principle of homeostasis in response to exposure to psychotropic drugs re-iterating that this is not a partisan issue but a public health issue that needs to be addressed.