SPEEDMAN

there are two things everyone needs to know about me: (1) i drink A LOT of water, and (2) i pee A LOT

@PoloniusMarcus And?

Today marks 1 month at new job👍

@PoloniusMarcus Superpowers

I think i have anger management issues

@zachlanebryan Zach when’s the next pop up in Manhattan. I’ll be there with a guitar ready for you. Give me a 15 minute warning. That’s all I need brother

Listening to Omaha and holy shit my boy Jamie really mixed the hell outta this

I’m a really good guy but the reality is if I committed a crime in front of a cop I could outrun 99% of them

@PoloniusMarcus This true? @JimmyTatro

I just made Jimmy Tatro laugh

The day I started viewing birds as mini dinosaurs my life got 10x better

@AlbanianKlay @AnniePosition4 @JMeatbeaterson @NickyNutsack Epic. Enjoy.

Block weekend with the boys 🅱️🔒🏝️ @AnniePosition4 @JMeatbeaterson @NickyNutsack and more

@PoloniusMarcus You’re gonna crush it Marcus. Hold in your farts!

Have a date in an hour and am nervous

A 3 hour delay without a single announcement? Shame @Delta. Will I ever get home?

Entertainment provided by @jmlevine5 🤝

Just walked 10k steps in the JAX airport (terminal a) to kill time. That’s 1 terminal folks. 10k steps. Lots of weird looks

Tony hawk Tua Tagovailoa 🤝

Love America and all but the oilers fans singing oh Canada has me absolutely bricked up for playoff hockey

Why are you, as a grown man, wearing a necklace with a number on it??? (Pro athletes get a pass here)

@EricGreenberg22 Sup slick Rick

As a grown man you get 1, MAYBE 2, Snapchat stories per year.

Just had an Uber eats driver go to Duane reade to get me anti diahrea medicine and pedialyte. The eye contact when he dropped it off said a lot. TYFYS Markel.

Sun is shining in New York and I can’t wait to spend $8 on a coffee and $25 on a spritz let’s fucking gooooooooo

@AmericanAir Just sent you a DM

@beanwhodreams We'd be happy to take a look at this for your uncle. Have him DM us his confirmation number.

Absolutely disgusted to hear about the headache @AmericanAir is putting my uncle through (life long platinum flier). If they change your seat due to a plane change, then it should be in the same spot as before? Or a refund? Seems like a burden that shouldn’t be on the customer.