#hellomynameis jenni 💙

@ChartUpdate Similar scenes on the m6 between Blackpool and Lancaster 🙁

(Not) driving home for Christmas. Scenes from the M25 as the whole thing is shut clockwise near J5 for an accident

@Morecambebob1 You could really freak out the southern commuters and say good morning too

Sat at Euston on my break smiling at commuters. Might go stand on the left hand side of the escalator before I leave

@QcWynter Classics from my eldest: - why does that lady have fat legs? - in the queue at slimming world - that lady’s blind she has a white stick whilst dancing in front of the lady who was trying to cross the road - I have a little Willy, daddy has a big willy -to his nursery teacher

Several accounts on my timeline of infants going rogue & embarrassing parents or other handlers. Reminds me of when my lad was 2 & on a flight to Paris. He kept standing up, turning around & staring at a row of Chinese passengers. Finally, he smiled, sparing me social shame.

@AbbieTBee Friend got ID’d in Sainsbury’s buying beer. Both in our 30s. He’d just finished his shift as a police sergeant … had his warrant card but no ID with his date of birth …. No one had batted an eyelid when I’d bought wine moments before 🤣

Spent all day prescribing and giving fentanyl, propofol, ketamine, morphine to patients and get my friday dinner drinks confiscated from me in sainsburys because I forgot my ID Having a baby face is getting old. (Ps - yes they are doing their job)

@Janusxuk Buckinghamshire railway centre

Hive mind, I need your help. I need something to do with my parents (M78, likes trains and nosing in my business, F77, likes criticising me and reminding me of all my mistakes) next weekend in the Thames Valley area that DOESN'T INVOLVE THEM COMING TO MY HOUSE.

@Janusxuk Saville gardens …. Lunch at the cafe followed by a stroll around the gardens or Windsor estate?

@Maiden__Blue @fesshole Same as my son 😬

@fesshole Mine is April 20th. Look it up.

When someone I know has a baby, I like to find the highest-ranking Nazi who shares their new bundle of joy's birthday, and casually inform the parents.

@adamfare1996 The shock expressed by some that I went out to a comedy gig with my just my friends husband this week was hilarious. He’s just as much a friend as she is. We’ve all know each other 10yrs. My friend and my husband didn’t want to come so we went without them.

@MumbrianSpinner @RobinWriteSmith I tried the cream soda one … it’s a no from me

@RobinWriteSmith Absolutely not!

Yes or no?

@rahttled_doc Definitely helped us get our then 3yr old from London to Perth

@bobulattes This is an amazing idea. They're very focused on presents (due to me overusing bribes for toilet training) so it'll definitely hit the spot

I'm flying 22.5 hours from Adelaide to England by myself with an energetic 3 year old in tow in 2 weeks. Anyone got any top tips (other than a sedative infusion)?

Woken from a deep sleep by a small child standing over me clutching a pillow 😩

@bluelightcard is there a problem with the website and app? It won’t let me log on. Just keep getting an error message

Who doesn’t love a midnight dash to the 24hr petrol station for Calpol 😩

This dog's name was Gunner. My uncle brought him back from WW2. He was raised and slept under my uncle's anti- aircraft gun. The gun crew shared their rations to feed him. By the time he was 18 months old, my uncle said he would stand up and look at the sky. If he laid back down they knew all was ok. If he growled and put his hackles up they got at the ready. He knew the sound of the German aircraft and my uncle said he never got it wrong. He said Gunner was better than any early warning system. I'm probably the only one left in the family that knows that story now, so I thought I'd tell it before it's lost forever, like many stories must be from that time. Thanks for reading it.

@IWoM85 answermethispodcast.com

Help needed. I’ve been tasked with organising the entertainment as 4 of us travel from NE England to SW France in the car. I need recommendations for podcasts & audiobooks please. The only podcast I’ve ever listened to is No Such Thing As A Fish… All ideas appreciated 🙏

@MumbrianSpinner Can 100% guarantee the 3 days I have off during the Easter holidays will being gale force winds and torrential rain …. Every other day will be 20c glorious sunshine whilst I sit in my windowless office

Wasn't feeling it this morning. We live in England. We should all fuck off work on the rare warm days 😂

Sometimes we deal with mastermind criminals Sometimes we don’t