Corny Waifu

So yesterday @waywardcross and I had a baby. He's perfect in every way. Our little Simon is just the entire world to us.

Who among us has not both fucked around and found out?

It’s Halloween weekend and that means it’s time for everyone’s favorite Japanese festival Jimi Halloween, where people dress up in costumes so mundane they have to be explained. Let’s dive in 🧵

Ok real quick, because @elonmusk is such a huge "Twitter is all about freedom of speech" guy, does that mean we can tell him that we hope he gets hit walking in a crosswalk by a normally functioning Tesla?

outlook: I'm the most powerful office tool ever made. I can search every email you've ever received and keep track of the meetings you have six months from now me: I would like to still view an attachment after someone replies to the email outlook: [confused hissing]

I have been looking at this picture for 6-7 minutes.

[gaston watching the hero in literally any other Disney movie] that is—okay—that’s fucking EXACTLY what I did and everyone got pissed at me

New Stardew Valley Mod Lets You Know What Everyone in Town Says Behind Your Back hard-drive.net/stardew-valley…

Oh this hit me where I LIVE.

The DMV employee looking at me after I forgot to bring my 2nd grade report card

If TikTok awarded oscars for the best line reading, the final three words in this one would win

guy behind me at citifield says he’s “done with baseball” and “might try like, books”

@cute_loot 1) it's crochet 2) I AM MAKING THIS FOR THE BOY

ai art has perfected the female form

The thing about the “it wasn’t about slavery chuds” is if you just keep asking them questions they eventually will have to admit it was about slavery

Chris sounds like Linda from Bob's Burgers, so as an animator: this had to be done.

LIVE WIRE (1992) has a scene where Pierce Brosnan has to get rid of an exploding clown at a kid's party and it's amazing.

(Doing crowdwork to an audience of toddlers) You just know THIS motherfucker wants uppy