the Real Clem Shady

You've heard of Elf on a Shelf, but how about...

If you leave it too long to provide your child with gender affirming care, there is a very serious danger that being Trans will go out of fashion before the process is complete.

🥣..🐻🍕😂

I can't be the only one.

Instead of going to Starbucks today, I'm making my own, yelling out the wrong name in my kitchen and setting a 5 dollar bill on fire.

😂😂

I was eating chips and my fingers were orange so I couldn't pick up my phone as the action was happening.

All the #MarchMadness basketball announcers have cool porn names; Dick Vitale Billy Packer Johnny Fuck Dick Gosinya Barry McCockiner

@MoMohler Don’t forget Phil McCraken

"Hey, did you pay your annual fee to walk the city streets?" - NYC in 3 years

@Hplays_piano @GreatWhiteHun9 @CaptainFlint321 My bad. NordVPN once told the NY unemployment office that I was in Hungary during the travel-restricted pandemic and they denied my claim.

@cpsemple @GreatWhiteHun9 @CaptainFlint321 I've never been to Africa and haven't even left the UK since 2012 😂

I just saw a milkman, for a moment it felt like 1985 again

Eldon was known for two things in the preserve. An impressive rack, and his legendary bong rips.

I grew up knowing one day when I ordered my first pizza I’d have to demand they hold the anchovies because they apparently were standard on every pie.

REMATCH! RIP, Chuck Norris.

@elonmusk RIP Chuck Norris

@JoshMarino420 WHAT?! NO WAY! The grim reaper should be a pile of bones by now! One roundhouse! I'm too sad to even attempt to verify this...

I thought Chuck Norris would never die. This is crazy.

@AuntCunt @CaptainFlint321 Little-known fact: when you burn plants in front of other plants, it actually scares them into growing faster.

@CaptainFlint321 @cpsemple Just smoke a cigarette

I accidentally ate the apple pips and now I'm worried a tree will grow inside my stomach

@Hplays_piano @GreatWhiteHun9 @CaptainFlint321 Maybe you were when you downloaded the Twitter? VPN? What do I know? Elon, help!

@cpsemple @GreatWhiteHun9 @CaptainFlint321 Lol you think I'm in Nigeria?