danveti

@itsluckypurr More like Mother of the Year, as far as they are concerned

I feel like a bad mom because my kids have a teacher work day tomorrow, but I misunderstood and thought they had today and tomorrow off bc it didn't make sense in my head to just have Tuesday Anyway they're getting a free day off bc I'm an idiot 😵‍💫 ugh

@itsluckypurr That would be so amazing! I would love to meet you in person ❤️

@danveti This is why I needed to find you again Dan 🥺 I appreciate you so much, truly. You have always been so kind and uplifting to me. Thank you 🫂 one day i will make it to Australia because I have so many pals there to meet and I will find you lol

Also very sad cause it's pretty much the critical wound in my dating life if it is MS 😐 i can't think of a situation where any of Today's Men would choose a hot but sick woman over a hot but not sick woman Also trauma, also kids, like, I'm gonna die alone aren't I hahaha

@itsluckypurr I need to try a shower beer, that sounds amazing

Spent all day reminding myself to get a new battery for my carts because I had to buy the stupid screw on carts this time, then forgot to buy one, then walked to the store, got harassed by some weirdo, walked home Anyway im gonna get very stoned and have a shower beer

@itsluckypurr You showed up in my notifications when you came back luckily!

@danveti I cannot put into words how happy I am to have found you again Dan 🥺

My son farts in the car because he likes the windows down and I'm fucking sick of it JUST ASK DAMMIT

@AuntCunt Rain is the universes way of saying "fuck the world, hanging at home and get weekday drunk, you've earned it"

Right I’ve already walked the dr and now it’s pouring with rain I think that’s a huge sign to just get cozy for a bit

Still not feeling great mainly because I won’t allow myself to just sit doon and feel better but today I’m going to

@RonFilipkowski Incoming replies "DJT stock is doing great!"

I’m not a big stock guy, but is a red line straight down bad?

@theliamnissan Has Liam Neeson ever replied to any of your tweets? I feel like this is the crossover we need.

Very

@rustyrockets @TuckerCarlson Well done, you are double f**ked now.

My life has changed. Praise Jesus.

@adsk4 This opening is iconic to me. The idea that that "real world" could change like that, outside of silent hill, increased the dread and suspense. I can't pick a favourite as all three originals are brilliant for different reasons but SH3 has the most impact full moments to me

Now it's very evil orange outside like the opening of SH3.

Let's see it!

I just finished Nuclear War: A Scenario by @AnnieJacobsen. It is an absolutely fascinating, terrifying read. I'd recommend it to everyone, especially those people who suffer from carefree, sleep-filled nights every night...

@ThePeoplesMMA @NanniSuze @HumanityChad I'm thinking it very loudly, though.

@NanniSuze @HumanityChad I'm not saying it.

She is an Angel❤️

@FinishMyJoke @MarmiteJunction @fesshole I've got nothing else on, it'll still be worth the journey

@danveti @MarmiteJunction @fesshole Probably nowhere 🤷‍♂️

I have been carrying around the first part of a joke in my head for over a decade. It's so perfect but I just can't think of a punchline. So now I'm cursing you, too, with the set up: what's the difference between a raffia mat and a mafia rat?

@fesshole Good way to clear the cleaners headache up at least I guess

I am 60 and have to take half an Asprin daily for heart disease. When I stay in hotels I like to leave the residue from cutting the asprin tablets behind and hope the cleaner will think I've been snorting coke

@FinishMyJoke @MarmiteJunction @fesshole Fuck it, I want to see where this goes...

@MarmiteJunction @fesshole Somebody kinda, sorta made it, but hasn't made it yet. I'll do something with this account when I get time.

@UberEats the worst part is the restaurant did their part bit your driver drive over 5p miles in the opposite direction after accepting the job. I'm sure macdonalds is just shit at their job right? And not the guy I have gps proof confirmation he lied?

@UberEats thank you for delivering the absolute worst service I have ever had by someone that blamed a major international restaurant for taking "2 hours to make a cheese burger" even though I watched them on gps traverse the entire city.

@Uber_Support apparently my driver says that it takes Macdonalds 2 hours to make a cheese burger fries. It's definitely not because gps tracking showed them driving halfway across the planet before picking up the order (from the place they were next to when the order was placed