Louise Allen

@horton_official Yes if asparagus doesnt live in the UK! What if it's home is somewhere else?

Would it be weird to take asparagus home on the Eurostar

@Kailung2040 It's a cut and shut! Did you check the reg? Bet it's running on dodgy plates lol

Have never seen a stranger - looking Squirrel than this. (Hyde Park, London).

@history99917180 Maybe Dave is a better ride?

We have a day off together. Guess what we’re doing? Sometimes I think Sam likes Dave more than me.

@SarahjevsEvans My heart is still breaking for you. I didnt know him but I loved him

Collecting Boycee Bach’s ashes today 😰

@RachyCatMum @Sleepin36047194 I have it on good authority- ie Mum - that it was defo chocolate Angel Delight lol

@Sleepin36047194 @darciebean An amazing photo, such innocent times....are you sure it isn't Instant Whip though? 😋😊

Childhood memories your sunday dessert Angel Delight

Morning all. Especially to my English friends, how we doing today? On the bright side, Wales won a game. Sadly, they lost the other four. Oh, look, the exact same results as England. Well, there we go. xx

@DeputyGrocott Make a Bakewell mess out of it

Dropped the bloody Bakewell didn’t I?!

@softboywin Paint roller.

how do y’all put lotion on yall back ?😭

@WillieHandler I know the one. It also had thingy in it who was in that other thing with whatchamacall

My wife has a great movie recommendation but she doesn’t remember the title. She says it stars the same person who was in the other movie but she can't remember that title either.

Are we really supposed to believe that Jim McDonald doinked Mrs Doyle 40 odd years ago? #Corrie

@GrandpaHarris65 What type of spoons?

If a candy box has 36 chocolates, and your platypus re-shingles your tennis shoes before you wash your tree in the middle of October, how many spoons will it take to massage your ironing board?

@Matt_Pinner Without hesitation

Please be honest, I’m trying to prove a point! Would you report your neighbor if you knew they were mistreating their dog? 🐶 🐕

What’s a great song where the title is just a person’s name?

@itsme_urstruly Awwww

I need everyone to stop what you’re doing and google up what a group of ladybugs is called.

@joshscorcher Welcome to the dark side

I have sinned. I tried pineapple on pizza. .... I liked it.

@history99917180 You mean you're not? Dammit. *unfollows*

Picked up a few new followers over the weekend. I often wonder what they must think when I post a tweet to say my wife is spending all day with ‘Big Dave’. They must think we’re swingers!

@Dearme2_ Me. I saved me.

WHO SAVED YOU WHEN YOU WERE AT YOUR LOWEST?

@SarahjevsEvans Awww that's great. Take your time and the right one will choose you

I’ll be looking at the rescue centres this week to find Siss a new little friend 💖

@PathOfMen_ Quit a toxic job

During a very dark period, what was the best thing you ever did for your mental health?