Derek Goodridge

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Derek Goodridge

Derek Goodridge

@derekgwt

UK based Business Intelligence and Information Worker Solutions Specialist. Also on Bluesky.

UK Katılım Şubat 2009
477 Takip Edilen581 Takipçiler
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Isadora Drunken
Isadora Drunken@Isadora_Drunken·
My local coffee shop.
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Derek Goodridge
Derek Goodridge@derekgwt·
I enjoyed this
Peter Girnus 🦅@gothburz

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees. $30 per seat per month. $1.4 million annually. I called it "digital transformation." The board loved that phrase. They approved it in eleven minutes. No one asked what it would actually do. Including me. I told everyone it would "10x productivity." That's not a real number. But it sounds like one. HR asked how we'd measure the 10x. I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards." They stopped asking. Three months later I checked the usage reports. 47 people had opened it. 12 had used it more than once. One of them was me. I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds. It took 45 seconds. Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations. But I called it a "pilot success." Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail. The CFO asked about ROI. I showed him a graph. The graph went up and to the right. It measured "AI enablement." I made that metric up. He nodded approvingly. We're "AI-enabled" now. I don't know what that means. But it's in our investor deck. A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT. I said we needed "enterprise-grade security." He asked what that meant. I said "compliance." He asked which compliance. I said "all of them." He looked skeptical. I scheduled him for a "career development conversation." He stopped asking questions. Microsoft sent a case study team. They wanted to feature us as a success story. I told them we "saved 40,000 hours." I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up. They didn't verify it. They never do. Now we're on Microsoft's website. "Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot." The CEO shared it on LinkedIn. He got 3,000 likes. He's never used Copilot. None of the executives have. We have an exemption. "Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction." I wrote that policy. The licenses renew next month. I'm requesting an expansion. 5,000 more seats. We haven't used the first 4,000. But this time we'll "drive adoption." Adoption means mandatory training. Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches. But completion will be tracked. Completion is a metric. Metrics go in dashboards. Dashboards go in board presentations. Board presentations get me promoted. I'll be SVP by Q3. I still don't know what Copilot does. But I know what it's for. It's for showing we're "investing in AI." Investment means spending. Spending means commitment. Commitment means we're serious about the future. The future is whatever I say it is. As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

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Julian 🌈🦇
Julian 🌈🦇@LionelTwigg·
After the extraordinary Nights in Cabiria TPTP goes where all other Terrestrial telly dare not go! Seriously classic Art house cinema from Jean Luc Goddard with Breathless. Can we have some Luis Bunuel and perhaps Last Year In Marienbad please 😉
Talking Pictures TV@TalkingPicsTV

This week! Premiere: Saturday 29th November, 9pm. 📽️ Directed by #JeanLucGodard BREATHLESS (1960) starring #JeanPaulBelmondo #JeanSeberg New-wave crime drama in French with English #TPTVsubtitles

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Derek Goodridge retweetledi
Royal Berkshire Archives
Royal Berkshire Archives@BerksArchives·
Today is World Tripe Day! Who knew there was such a day? Here is a sale catalogue for 28 St Mary's Butts, Reading, business premises, 'including the Goodwill of the Business, established over 100 years, of W. Fossett, Tripe Dresser etc.', dated 1950.
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Zack Korman
Zack Korman@ZackKorman·
Copilot in Excel is a global financial crisis waiting to happen.
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Mark Steel
Mark Steel@mrmarksteel·
If it turns out Mandelson went to Epstein’s island to buy a house but paid the wrong stamp duty he’ll be in REAL trouble.
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CityFibre
CityFibre@CityFibre·
@derekgwt Hello, Derek. Thanks for bringing this to our attention. Could you please send us a DM providing the full address where this is located? Thank you.
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Private Eye Magazine
Private Eye Magazine@PrivateEyeNews·
A small number of ChatGPT employees jumped delightedly in the air as all their hard work was rewarded with top grades all over the country. From the new Private Eye, out now.
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Reading Borough Council
Reading Borough Council@ReadingCouncil·
📣 Just a few days left 📣 There are lots of ideas about what our library services can provide. Tell us what you think how important they are to you rdguk.info/b1SrS
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Derek Goodridge retweetledi
Derek Goodridge retweetledi
Ros Atkins
Ros Atkins@BBCRosAtkins·
On Tuesday, White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt made a series of claims about the BBC's coverage of events in Gaza on Sunday. We've looked at the claims - and the number of misrepresentations and untruths that they contained.
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Openreach
Openreach@WeAreOpenreach·
@derekgwt Hi Derek. I hope you are well. We don't carry out a pre-visit survey. Our engineers will carry out an assessment on the day of the visit. ^Antony
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Derek Goodridge
Derek Goodridge@derekgwt·
@WeAreOpenreach Hi, I have an appointment for Openreach to come and install BT full fibre in 2 weeks time. Do your guys do any pre installation surveying?
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