Blake Potter

Imagine how hard & weird Mike Pence is frowning tonight with his fucked up microwaved apple face.

Nails are just your finger teeth. Next question.

me: i wish for good health, to be rich, and finally....for your freedom therapist: once again i am not a genie but you being here is starting to make more sense

@sug_knight As a man, the thing I want most, from my wife, the mother of my child is for her to stop, rinsing out ziplock bags, for reuse. We’re a dual-income household, babe, we can buy more bags.

Wolverine was named that because he was a combination of a wolf and a nectarine I will not be taking questions at this time.

boys always griping about how "makeup is a lie!!!" meanwhile they're out there chugging Polyjuice Potion to hide the fact they're tryin to kill Harry Potter.

Open it for a beautiful surprise!

My sister lives in the Piedmont area of NC and sent me this today

I have had a very long and not good day. Here is me and the most important man in my life. Please show me all of your animals right now.

I’d do laundry more often, but my closet space depends on half of my clothes being in the hamper. It’s really not up to me anymore.

i love the first couple of months after living in a new city when you learn where the cheap coffee is and how to get to the grocery store and that you will probably never experience true fulfillment

If I were stuck in traffic I would simply honk my horn ceaselessly, thereby giving those in front of me the incentive to start moving

@tiny_lantern @TuckerThaTruckr @righteousbooby Oh, oops! Thanks for clearing that up. Still think we need to acknowledge that Ben and I have basically the same avatar

@TuckerThaTruckr @fakeblakepotter @righteousbooby synonyms are words that mean the same thing. homonyms are words that are spelled the same but mean different things. ball and bawl are homophones, different words with the same pronunciation.

@HaleyMancini @ARTBlTCH666 Better yet, when they shave the thing they are whining about wanting others to shave. Want her to shave her arms? You first, buddy! Lol

@VirGiL_DD4 @ARTBlTCH666 Shave your own arms, then.

@Chumpstring So that’s crackers for the quacker

@dontlosethekids @PetrickSara The real gift was saving you from granola crumbs in your bed.

For Mother’s Day my daughter gave me a “breakfast in bed” gift from her school with a cute little poem. It was a granola bar. Then, she ate it.