Johnny Testicles

Caterpillars are like hotdogs for birds

@Luigis_Breloom @polypocketknife Deplunks more like

@polypocketknife Kerplunk debunks this with songs like Christie Road. Not a typical Green Day song yet it still fucks.

there’s some bands like ac/dc where if you’ve heard one song you’ve heard them all and you either like it or don’t, and there’s some bands like fall out boy who have taken big swings reinventing their sound to varying degrees of success. the thing about green day is they’re both.

@WardenMcKay @TheIACRL Warden McGay more like

@TheIACRL He does not deserve a single day in prison

The Italian American Civil Rights League REJECTS Anthony Fauci and hereby deems him a disgrace to our people. This vile man forgot EVERYTHING it means to be an Italian American and now represents everything our heritage stands against. He deserves a long prison sentence.

No wait. Bowels-Moving Castle

Howl’s Pooping Castle

Overheard at a party: it’s not about how much cheddar you make, it’s about how you spread it over the cheese

@SlackingLotus Sure but for most people, traveling means being away from home, putting your life on hold for a bit, having to learn how to navigate in a new place, spending money, etc. For many, those are unavoidable parts of the experience. That’s what people mean by not liking it

I can see lots of good reasons to dislike specific patterns of traveling behavior. I don’t think these should be confused with the fundamental concept of going to and being in a place

wtf do people mean when they say they “don’t like traveling”? They don’t like…going? There is not anywhere they want to go? I feel like a lot of these people just don’t like the travel approach their parents took growing up or something

@someotherdude99 @JTAlexander @headinajaro Make an actual statement toward my dick n nuts

@fart_cigar @JTAlexander @headinajaro Make an actual statement towards the argument if you aren't a pussy.

The DMV was where I suddenly became aware of how stark the IQ gap actually is in practice. I went to ask a simple question. My first iteration was this, verbatim: “The roads are covered in ice, so I know it’s not happening right now, but I wanted to ask about motorcycle road tests. You have to have a motorcycle to do the test, but you can’t buy one in this state without the motorcycle endorsement on your license. So, how does that work?” First answer, verbatim: “Well… we can’t do them in winter.” It took five increasingly condescending rephrasings to get an answer and I was so stunned by the experience that I can’t even recall the answer. This incredibly ugly interface is specifically designed to cope with the fact that the DMV is a jobs program for the medically retarded.

@AR_Actual @Cross_Malaki @JTAlexander Does AR stand for Anal Receiver?

@Cross_Malaki @JTAlexander So you didn't take your meds. I gave you an opportunity to not be crazy and you dropped the ball. We're done here.

@bwj43497 @Spectromachina @JTAlexander What about the literary technique of spelling “metaphors”

@Spectromachina @JTAlexander Seriously. Metaphores and every other literary technique...ZOOM! Right over their head.

@someotherdude99 @JTAlexander @headinajaro I’ve seen tweets of people named SomeOtherDude999 being absolute morons.

@JTAlexander @headinajaro Yeah....I've seen videos of "election judges" being absolute morons. I'm sure you could find a few smart DMV employees too.

@BarneyBraintree Barney Stainpee more like

Leftists are like: I’m unemployed

@chrismartenson @kator1313 @Timcast What about Piss Fartenson

@kator1313 @Timcast Oh, but we can. And we can also tell when someone is trying to be cute while also appeasing the powers that be. It's insincere and a flagrant abuse of their power and this medium. That you can't understand subtleties simply means you are not yet a fully formed human.

Ukraine has been fighting for their very existence against an evil dictator I see now the importance of the Ukrainian victory against Russia I hope Trump and the people of the United States will lend their support

@pixiestixsmiff1 @bronzebust Yeah they should’ve just googled a map of the area beforehand

@bronzebust Bit of a skill issue for not picking a meetup point beforehand in case of accidental separation tbh, rip tho

My Italian great-grandma lost her grip on her older brother's hand at Ellis Island, and they literally never saw each other again. Lost in the crowd, gone. No phone numbers, didnt speak much English, poor records. Stuff like that just...happened.

@refurbifernsibe @Sebastian_Hols @EOpsych Furnished Gay

On the whole "viewpoint diversity" issue, I think it's noteworthy that there are plenty of academics who openly state that women and Black people are intellectually and/or morally inferior, but virtually none who say that about men or white people

@NateB_Panic Where’d you put the goalposts?? they were just here

War of 1812? Lol. Brits fighting Brits. Pearl Harbour? A bombing raid, zero invasion threat. The equivalent of September 11th

Little reminder that not a single American soldier ever has died defending their country. Not one. They always die, without exception, thousands of miles from home to advance the goals and interests of empire and capital. The brainwashing has been extraordinary

I wonder why all the commercials I get seem to be aimed at morons *unpauses beavis and butthead*

@PipBowie55 @arnor_knight @crushmarxismnow Can you hit a median at 80 miles an hour

@arnor_knight @crushmarxismnow But can you hit the quan, tho?

Reminder when Ricky Gerais was calling Hollywood a den of amoral hypocritical pedophiles, Driver was one of the only ones laughing

@vizience @crushmarxismnow What category of people is he a part of??

@crushmarxismnow LOL the basis of your tweet is that he denied Marvel (albeit considering them enough to get on phone calls) and the thumbnail of the quote tweet is him in Star Wars… which is *checks notes* owned by Disney, who also owns Marvel. You people are unserious and lack depth of thought

@robertlasagna1 sobbert lasagna

I had to leave for work when she left and she was very sad, and even though it's been troublesome and stressful, the fact that she was so sad made me realise that I am jake gyllenhall in enemy and the spider is afraid of me, and I was on the verge on tears all through work, not because I miss her, it's very hard spending a lot of time together, but because I remember who I am and I feel all the wounds again. So I listened to music and podcasts trying to postpone thinking, because I wanted to write-think when I got home, but then I just did neither and repressed my emotions

@Britonomist @pissvortex If your response to this is to start believing maga influencers, credibility is not something you ever cared about

@pissvortex You guys creating a monstrosity of a monoculture in academia completely nullifying your credibility is one of the reasons MAGA chud influencers gain traction in the first place; you destroyed your epistemic authority to challenge anyone else.

It’s a total mystery why these people aren’t thriving in an intellectual setting!