Hoss

Not my circus but the monkey looks familiar.

Fire the president, now.

My type: someone supportive and warm who I can curl up and relax with. Wait, that's my bed.

I have faith in aliens, humanity can go fuck itself.

Eye contact with the right person is a spiritual experience

Welp, it's time to set my alarm for 6 am knowing full well I'll just snooze 84 times.

You can claim that Twitter is like Therapy, however Therapy implies that people get better.

It's true, the freaks really do come out at night.

Real power is quiet: thriving softly after everything you’ve been through.

Dont ever ask me what my thought process was. I cant tell you.

You’re not stupid! You just have bad luck when you’re thinking.

I was just thinking, I've had quite a few jobs in my life, but I have never been a wrecking ball operator. That would be fun to do.

Making her laugh and feeding her mozzarella cheese sticks is top tier foreplay.

When one door closes…it’s hitting me on the ass on the way out

please don't waste your time leaving a paragraph in response to my stupid tweets I'm not reading that shit

Hear me out - dislike the like button

She’s not ignoring you… she’s just replying in her head.

I have a junk food problem... in that I don't have any . . .

Question of the day: If you could create a new planet, what would you call it?

It used to be that if you were crazy, they would force you into an asylum.  Nowadays if you're crazy, they let you open a social media account and even run for president.

Condoms aren’t going to protect you when you’re a cunt on the inside.