Forward March

Lady was pissy when I insisted on walking with her to the parking lot, but it was raining and she had an umbrella.

Stores have their names above them, right? We also have the name on the double doors. Guy walks in: is this *store name* Me: yes sir Him: ok, just checking

𝓔𝓲𝓭 𝓜𝓾𝓫𝓪𝓻𝓪𝓴 ✨🌙✨

If there was a little laughing emoji react button here, I’d probably use it on people’s rage Tweets.

Good night …. Taken in Utah

Just sat in the passenger seat while my 15yo drove to his drivers ed class, how long til the color returns to my knuckles?

Us moaning… Getting all of the clothes out of the dryer in one armload without dropping anything on the floor…

What this place needs is a giant monster invasion

Off to get waxed and professionally stretched, none of which is near as fun as one would hope

No one says "Heavens to Murgtroyd" anymore.

It's always weird when something over the top looks delicious but then gets super gross quickly.

one of the kittens figured out how to open cabinets so off to buy childproof locks tomorrow

It’s all fun and games until consequences come a-knockin’.

Me im just the odd one that keeps to himself every village needs

I'm so looking forward to the weekend. Heading to a friend's place, and our plans are to just live in the moment.

To do the right thing and to do things in the right manner are two very different things.

When life gives her lemons she makes lemon loaf and cookies for everyone.

Me: *tries to change the narrative Life: Bitch, you thought!

Today I will live in the moment. Unless it's unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.

I want to be menaced by a princess

what do you say we turn this house of horrors into a home of horrors