Michael Greenfield

@TheDunkCentral @JCowleyHoops @Bullsfans Unfortunately, he still weighs 165 pounds

Noa Essengue reportedly grew over the season and is now nearly 7 feet tall, per @JCowleyHoops Scary hours 😳 (h/t @Bullsfans )

@Bennieeexyz Saved him a visit from this guy:

My English Professor last semester was complaining to us about how the school library was charging him for losing a book he'd returned. I work in the library, so after class I did some poking around and found the book on the shelf and took it to the head librarian. It turned out it just hadn't been checked in, which was an easy enough fix. I wrote an email to the Professor letting him know that I'd "taken care of the problem" and it "shouldn't bother him anymore," signed it with my full name, and sent it. Now might be a good time to mention that I have a very Italian name. For the rest of the semester, my roommate and classmates referred to me as the leader of the Librarian Mafia.

@FBGreatMoments Knuckles O'Shaughnessy, played for the Decatur Staleys in 1920. Promising player until he violated his parole and was sent back to Stateville.

Name a fullback you actually remember by name.

@Super70sSports Love Seger, but as someone once pointed out, there are fundamentally only two Seger songs: slow (ballad) and fast (everything else).

Bob Seger is better than Bruce Springsteen. I don’t know how many of you are joining me on this island but I feel like it will be 50% geniuses and 50% guys who make women instinctively lock their car doors.

Went for a run today. Big mistake. Now my balls smell like a two month old Cobb salad

@Super70sSports No one sat down when Saddam was running the board - or else…

After expertly running Cotton Eye Joe into the Macarena into Uptown Funk, Saddam Hussein scanned the wedding reception and knew it was time to slow things down with Wonderful Tonight.

@timecaptales His Katherine Hepburn is legendary.

Martin Short does a spot-on impression of Bette Davis while she sits right beside him on Johnny Carson in 1988

@beachmamax2 @TheCinesthetic "Uh, I wish you would..."

What’s the best example of an actor showing up for one small scene and completely stealing the entire movie?

@Reggie2611 @CourtneyRCronin Take it easy there Coach Vrabel

@CourtneyRCronin Next time it does, I’ll buy you a drink at Stony Point

How come my plane always has to land in Mokena every time I fly into O’Hare?

@CourtneyRCronin Nothing like when the taxiing takes longer than the flight itself.

@TheRickWilson She'd better get used to this. And by the way, it's probably more like 70%

It's true, though.

I asked an AFC front office executive how bad this year’s draft class was He texted back: “The worst in decades. If he was in this year’s draft, Shedeur Sanders might have even gone in Round 4”

James Comey is likely to face a Trump voting jury in North Carolina. He picked the wrong seashore to make a seashell message. Smart prosecution here. Great venue and a simple case. Comey is a moron to put himself in this legal peril over an Instagram picture.

@KBAndersen He sounds like f**king Borat

When he briefly went off script at the state dinner, it was really like the bungled English of a non-native speaker, the visiting ruler of Trumpistan. “The beaches of Normandy, the frozen hills of Korea to the scorching sands of North Africa and the Middle East—” then his ad lib:

@td_nash Kawaii, in a second.

Out of these 3, who would you cut?🧐

@TomBradyEgo Richard Dent, HOF defensive end, Top 10 all time sacks, drafted 8th round 1983.

Biggest NFL Draft steals of all time

@GeraldoRivera LOL you goddamn chump, you mark, you dummy, you credulous bumpkin. Really? "As promised"? By Trump? What a dope, what a loser, what a naive child you are.

As public sentiment turns in favor of the golden Ballroom in the wake of the assassination attempt, care must be exercised to ensure that-as the President promised-the ballroom will be funded privately by donations.

@uscfan981 LOL the Wisconsin "Beavers"?

Y’all agree?

@BarroomNetwork I would have taken the EDGE from Penn State. Poles (Johnson) would have taken one of the WR's 😂

I apologize if I trigger any #Bears fans with this post. If the #Bears had, rightly, been allocated a comp pick they would have chosen at #101. Therefore, they'd have a choice of these players who were selected before Malik Muhammad (#124). Who would have you picked?

@ScottBarrettDFB I’m a Bears fan. I’ll pay you a million bucks to tell Ryan Poles “don’t do that” for every 3rd round draft pick he suggests making until he gives up and trades the pick. Literally every year he loses his mind in the 3rd and then somehow recovers his sanity. It’s uncanny.

Any nfl team could hire me for a million bucks a year; I would do nothing but say 'don't do that' 2-3 times a year, and I'd be worth it.