David Heafield

@SleeperFooty @SaintsExtra @sfcawaynumbers ....and the Middlesbrough ticket office!

@SaintsExtra @sfcawaynumbers The Southampton ticket office rn

🚨🎟️ Southampton’s 37,604 ticket allocation for Saturday’s Championship play-off final at Wembley is now SOLD OUT #saintsfc @sfcawaynumbers

@SarahForRuncorn Just like the honourable member for Clacton.

Andy Burnham cannot be trusted. He is not interested in the people of Makerfield, he is simply using the area as a political stepping stone.

@realninawysocka As thick as a Submarine door!

A 22 yr old model, Sherri Vandersloot, has had a nose job so her future children will inherit her new nose rather than the one she was born with 🤨 “I don’t want my kids to grow up being teased like I was for my ugly nose. I want to pass down a more natural-looking nose to them.” We’re actually cooked.

@DailyMail Definitely overmarked.

Eurovision fans say UK entry is 'worst song I've ever heard' and exclaim electronics performer Look Mum No Computer 'deserves 0 points' in final trib.al/TJ3amyz

@chatswithem I think he was overmarked!

The U.K. entry is a major act of demoralisation An idiot ... singing terribly No actual song and the chorus in German Australia has glamorous amazing Delta Goodrem singing like a song bird And we just have some clown shouting Ein, Zwei Drei over and over again. I mean is THAT the best we've got

@juneslater17 Just like the honourable member for Clacton.

@dailybritainonx No.

What do you think?

@Telegraph Lord Buckethead.

❓Who would you rather have as prime minister?

@PolitlcsUK Did he pay tax on it?

🚨 WATCH: Nigel Farage says the £5m gift he received from Christopher Harborne was a "reward for campaigning for Brexit for 27 years"

@justdavenow89 Shirt Front!

What's your first thought when you see this man

🚨 President Trump’s mother in a rare interview talking about her family, including the son she tragically lost. At the time, Trump was filming his Home Alone 2 cameo. She also talks about the thrill of flying on her son’s helicopter. Trump was raised by a First Class Mom.

@SkyFootball It's nearly time for El Pastico!

@TNLUK I have tried to buy my ticket on the app but a message tells me that I cannot complete the purchase as I have exceeded my spending limit. This is not the case so is there a problem?

@MyArrse If only wishing made it so!

Wayne Couzens ‘petrified to leave cell’ saying he will be next after Ian Huntley dies. mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/b…

@ReporterMcCabe @afneil @calxandr That's an extremely stupid and cuntish thing to say.

@afneil @calxandr Here we go. Is everyone in England going to drag the coffins around?

Not sure if the typically myopic US media has quite clocked what an angry shitstorm President Trump has stirred up abroad with his callous, ungrateful, inaccurate gibe about America’s NATO allies staying away from the Afghan frontline. He’s managed to unite pretty much everybody against him, even his hitherto supporters on the populist right. Even Keir Starmer!

@MichaelTakeMP NURSE, SHE'S GOT OUT AGAIN!

Pity poor Jacob Rees-Mogg.😔 He turns up at a TV studio with an almighty bad hangover to find a somewhat disturbed & deranged elderly woman preaching at him. 😱

@Parody_PM Big Cuntry.

If Lee Anderson was in a band, what would it be called?

Today’s Budget was a total humiliation for Rachel Reeves. She will go down as the worst Chancellor this country has ever had. Her position is now untenable and she knows it👇

@Neccccy She did enough damage in the 5 mins she was there.

Do you think Liz Truss would have been a good PM if she had been given more time? Yes or No?

@implausibleblog NURSE, SHE'S GOT OUT AGAIN!

Liz Truss on Fox News supporting Trump suing the BBC "There are lots of people in Britain who are cheering President Trump on and want him to sue the BBC" "Because they're a huge problem: they've lied, they've cheated, they've fiddled with footage" "Both in the case of President Trump but also covering up what's happening in Britain, whether it's mass migration, our economic problems, they are always bias towards the left" "And the British taxpayer has to pay for all of this fake news" "There is a lot of excitement against Conservatives in Britain that President Trump is actually taking the BBC on" Fox News, "Do you think an apology from the BBC is enough?" Liz Truss, "No I don't because they ke"ep doing it again and again" "They have painted a completely false picture of President Trump in Britain over a number of years" "They've done the same thing about Conservatives in our country" "And I believe the organisation needs to be defunded" "And as well as suing the BBC, I think it would be fantastic is President Trump were to encourage stopping the British taxpayer funding" "Fake news is damaging the countries reputation" "I mean the BBC used to be the paragon of journalism across the world, it was respected. It's now become a laughing stock and it needs to be put out of it's misery"