The Giraffe Whisperer🦒(parody)

"Livin' on a Prairie" - Jon Boy Jovi

@KonstantinKisin @tedcruz I wouldn't ask Ted how to boil a kettle! I've had more intelligent yogurt.

In a first of a series of interviews on the Iran war we spoke to Senator @tedcruz and asked him: - Why did you advise President Trump to attack Iran? - What is the end goal? - How do you respond to critics like Tucker Carlson, Joe Kent and others who say America was dragged into this by Israel? Our job is not cheerleading or fear-mongering: it's sense-making. As you will see from our upcoming interviews with @ProfessorPape (Wednesday) and @mehdirhasan (Friday), we will be covering this conflict from all perspectives.

@SandyofSuffolk Hydrology, macro economics, energy production & delivery - there is really no end to your areas of expertise. Truly a leading polymath of our time 🙏

A 50 year old oak tree consumes 50 - 100 gallons of water a day. So when trees are felled for new housing developments or energy projects and there's flooding on the land, there's a simple reason why isn't there. It's not climate change. It's decimation of our countryside. It's destroying nature. It's stupidity. It's greed. It's dreadful government policy.

@rebekkarnold You know what I loved about him? Always played with a smile on his face, like he loved playing for the sake of it. I'm sure the money helped but part of me wants to believe he would have done it for free, like mucking around with mates in the park !

Really looking forward to this documentary, absolute icon and legend of the game. ❤️

@HahaBroMos @JamesMelville You : a grown ass man pretending to be a cat on the internet. Opinion value - less than zero.

Pete Hegseth is becoming the face of the Iran war. And not in a good way. His delivery style is a cross between a fired candidate from The Apprentice and a high school Jock. The fact that he’s the Secretary of State for War is absolutely mind blowing.

@Alex_Niven I often think about this - songs so peculiar that seem to exist in space occupied by nothing else. Certain artists seem to do this effortlessly & often - Kate Bush is a prime example. How would you describe Kate Bush without actually playing the music? Peter Gabriel also.

Golden Brown is a Song from God (a song you hear even today and think wtf did that even come from?). Other examples: Strawberry Fields, Wuthering Heights, Kiss from a Rose & [choose your fighter]

@AllisonPearson That twat lives rent in your head. Let it go.

The British people hate you. They know you are a soulless Socialist obsessed with “process” who only became PM because the Tories failed so horribly. Wait until 7 May and see what the people think of you Starmer.

@buttercucky @NutritionMadeS3 Thrice -No

@NutritionMadeS3 So? They may believe it. But is it true?

37% of Americans believe humans were created in their present form 10,000 years ago These are arguments in favor of better education not fewer vaccines

@DeborahMeaden Am I missing something? I just applied for an ESTA & whilst I seen the question re social media, it was not mandatory. Left it blank ....and the ESTA has been approved?!

That’s me done then!!! Freedom of speech and all that!!

@JacobTamme 😂😂 I just caught myself criticising a shot....after watching about 10 mins total!

My favorite part of the Winter Olympics is when I’ve watched five minutes of curling and say to my wife “we aren’t playing well, but we are gonna get a point here” and she, having watched 10 minutes of curling, says “yeah but we should’ve scored more WE HAVE THE HAMMER” #Olympics2026

@ceraliza Frozen

Please recommend a good movie for someone who reaaaally loves sex scenes 🫠

@MrsP32233725 @hookscnut So what if they don't take responsibility? Social services? Removal of children because they've got "bad" irresponsible parents? I've yet to see a credible plan from the people who are complaining about this if it is indeed to deal with irresponsible parents. I'm all ears here

@hookscnut How do you think all coped over the years. As a working parent for when I took my son to school from age 4 to 18, I got up early and fed him. This current generation of parents are more and more relying on the state instead of taking responsibility themselves.

Michelle…you fucking auld hag, it’s called breakfast club as its morning time, it’s not about feeding the fucking kids, it’s about getting them in school early so parents can go to work, they don’t all sit round, have a bowl of ready brek then bat on with the lessons

@KonstantinKisin No I won't.

You'll want to watch this: Jeremy Boering speaks out for the first time since leaving the Daily Wire about the civil war on the American Right.

@mikegardner_wb You use a gas boiler to power your lights??? You a Victorian?

I don't need solar panels. I have a perfectly good gas boiler thanks. My energy bills would come down if Miliband stopped wasting vast sums subsidising intermittent energy sources and stopped the self-harm the UK is doing to itself courtesy of its net zero policies.

@Pat_Stedman Who the fuck are you?

I am one of the most staunch Trump supporters out there - I literally went to prison for Trump. And I love Europe. I spent most of my childhood traveling to Europe and learning about Europe. I married a European. I even live in Europe. And it is this love that makes me so happy that Europeans are getting angry that the United States is humiliating them. Because Europe deserves to be humiliated. It deserves to be humiliated like your pro-athlete friend does when he decides to retire early, stop working out, and becomes morbidly obese and diabetic. Europe is the continent that birthed the West, and no matter how much I love America, and believe America created the perfect incubator for the spirit of the European — the reality is Europe is where it all started. I can walk down the street here and see buildings that are more than twice as old as my country. The most historic structures and exploits America has to offer are dwarfed by the local lore of your random European town. But the truth is that this is all in the past. Europe is nothing now. It has chosen to be nothing at least since the end of the Cold War, and arguably decades earlier. It is a continent of vassals who convinced themselves that they weren't because America had enough respect for their prior contributions to never rub it in their face. But Europeans got lazier and weaker over time, addicted to the increasingly undeserved status we offered them globally, and with their degradation gradually convinced themselves, like all self-hating people, that they were in fact better. At some point their weakness stopped being a flaw; indeed, it was what made them superior. And the strength of the country who protected them was eventually framed as its biggest moral failing. Europeans may protest at this accusation of self-hatred — surely their indignation as we take Greenland from them means they don't disrespect themselves, quite the opposite. But what else can you say about nations who systematically destroy their own industrial base and grid, replace their own people and culture with parasitic foreigners, and castrate their own militaries and economies? You are weak, entirely by your own choices, but that's not what is truly embarrassing; what's pathetic is you don't seem to grasp reality. You actually aren't better than us, and that's provable because you can't compete with us. Indeed it is worse than that: you can't even hurt us. You are so far behind at this point you can't do anything. Yet Trump - the first American President in 70 years - is finally making you face all of this. Trump is shaking you down, and revealing the bloated, sagging husk of a people and polity you've become. And his assertiveness is making you decide either to own your increasingly irrelevant existence or to hit the gym and become respectable again. He's making you angry — and this is good. You should be angry: you are an insult to your ancestors and your bloodlines. Whether you want to blame us doesn't matter... so long as you do the work to change. You need to get motivated, to start competing in the real world of geopolitics which you formed, rather than in your imaginary world of "good and bad" where since you are obviously good, you always win, and there are never any consequences for terrible decisions. But to compete in this real world you will have to start slaughtering the sacred cows you've based your recent identity on. A continent filled with migrants who hate you and are draining your coffers, a continent with impossible-to-do-business regulations and without resources can never project power on a global scale. To the extent you can still fix this, you will have to not only band together as nations, but start doing what America is doing: remigration, reindustrialization, and realpolitiking. No more lectures or PR stunts; you need to actually run things competently. You have to throw out the genocidal clowns who want you dead, reclaim your countries, and get serious about governance. This change of Europe's fortune is important to me — in some ways, strangely, even more important than it happening to America. Losing America means losing my home, but losing Europe means losing THE home. I do not think the world without Europe would be a good world; it certainly would not be a beautiful one. But if Europe becoming great again requires Europeans to hate America, that is a cost worth paying. I would rather Europe be a rival and have it live, than let it be a vassal and die. So may you all be galvanized enough to remember your potential and intrinsic capabilities. May you recall your roots - and prove us wrong.

@ClimateWarrior7 Stung/Stingy/Stinging?

So, the whole of Tuscany is in shock this morning. People are walking about with blank, uncertain gazes. No-one knows what the future holds now, or how we should act. Many of us are asking what we ought to do and what the news means for us. There is fear, but also hope. (For those who haven't heard yet, Sting's daughter has announced new pronouns).

@HansMahncke You sir are a prime idiot. The holes in your argument are wider than the empty gap between your ears.

First off, everyone losing their minds over President Trump’s message to the prime minister of Norway is leaving out a key detail: the prime minister contacted Trump first with a string of empty, feel good bromides about “standing together.” Trump’s response did not appear out of nowhere. It was a direct reply. Second, there is absolutely nothing wrong with Trump’s response. He correctly notes that Norway does not want him to get a Nobel Prize, then plainly explains a strategic reality: if Europe wants peace, it cannot allow China and Russia to gain a foothold in Greenland, and the only country capable of preventing that is the United States. That is entirely correct and reasonable. It’s ridiculous that Europe was more than happy to accept 81 years of free-of-charge American security guarantees, but the moment the United States needs land to maintain that protection, the answer suddenly becomes no.

@Neorio12321 @Owlserviced @potatoslav How asses do you have? Three tweets & you've laughed your ass off all 3! Amazing 3 assed man - you should be in the circus.

i always put the baby in the bouncer while i shower to keep him Contained. he has recently gotten very good at bouncing himself. today he figured out if he bounces hard enough he can move himself across the floor. opened the shower every minute or so and he was getting closer like when the lights flicker in a horror movie except the horror is my child eventually banging on the shower door.

@kelvmackenzie Kelvin Mackenzie - the most needy & desperate attention seeking person on the internet......and that takes some doing!

Trump’s greenmail will cost us £6billion this year alone and since we have never given a damn about Greenland and we don’t possess 6p we should hand it over and throw Wales in as well.

@JamesMelville What's that sound? Oh must be the band waggon getting jumped on.

Shame you didn’t do the same thing for Chagossians on the Chagos Islands.

@JOBhakdi "...hit three worst tyrannies in Europe - Germany, UK and France" - if you think these countries are tyrannical, its abundantly clear you haven't experienced tyranny. And hugely disrespectful to those who have.

Maybe I am somehow biased , but every move of Trump seems to accelerate us in the right direction. I am not sure if this is all 6D chess or just randomness. Greenland is a total win: 1) peace in Ukraine incoming 2) Denmark won’t back down , Trump will likely follow through with tariffs, who don’t harm Scandinavia at all 3) Trump tariffs hit three worst tyrannies in Europe - Germany, UK and France 4) Germany is the key to turning Europe around. The economy is going down hard after self-inflicted destruction (energy, green scams, immigration madness). With enough tariff pressure the Germans could get lucky and accelerate an economic crisis, destabilizing the left wing government, boosting AfD and maybe leading to new elections in 2027. Merz resigns, Weidel becomes chancellor with CDU as junior coalition partner, CDU finally cleanses itself form left wing extremism and Germany could be turned around. That would then lead to widespread reforms in Europe. All we need is maximum US pressure (economically and ideally also politically by enforcing freedom of speech and prohibiting German institutions to take anti-democratic actions against opposition parties and dissidents). I doubt that this is Trump’s plan with Greenland , but it could be the effect. And then he looks like a stable genius.