A Kerr

@364690 like eating soap

One for purists and cognoscenti among us. Fry's Turkish Delight. Perfumed goodness.

@HackBlackburn @TimesDiary "what about Trump, your Majesty?" "Make it look like an accident, 007"

A lovely story about filming with the Queen and James Bond for the Olympics in today’s @TimesDiary She had strong opinions on the sketch

@StrudwickEmily @reformparty_uk have you always been a bit racist or is it a new thing for you?

You know it’s a good day when it’s a Reform UK campaign day! Who’s voting @reformparty_uk on May 7th? 👋👋🩵🇬🇧

@OnDisasters last time we landed there with Jet2 the pilot was so good he only used half the runway and turned straight in to the terminal

No, not in the Dutch Caribbean. These are some crazy (to put it mildly) people too at Skiathos (Greek islands) feeling the full power of a Tui 737

@LoveBallymena We shouldn't be helping these psychos.

USAF Lockheed C-5M Super Galaxy departing on Saturday from Belfast International Airport, bound for for Dover AFB (KDOV), Delaware. 📸 Dimitri Kuznecovas

@davidliv25 Port Ellen

The Isle of Islay leaving Port Askaig for Kennacraig this morning.

@pipterino @our_jesse She performed the official opening of relocated Bellarena Railway Station which I'd designed, but I wasn't invited.

I remember when she gave her paedo son £12 million so he could avoid trial

@MitchBenn Then Not the nine o'clock news did a spoof on The Life of Python.

They LITERALLY DID.

@CourtNewsUK Avoiding prison time due to paleness and poshness.

Here's ex justice minister Crispin Blunt after he admitted having a variety of drugs for his chem sex parties courtnewsuk.co.uk/ex-tory-mp-cri…

@DYSONlife4real I tried to make my racing snails go faster by taking their shells off, but it just made them more sluggish. Where do you take your old bike gor refurbishment? The recycling centre

Tell me your favourite joke I need cheering up……

@mariejane2020 @kerrand The thing on the shampoo bottle about "no more tears" didn't in fact mean that it wouldn't really irritate your eyes; it meant it wouldn't cause ripping if your hair was tangled. Tears, not tears obv.

@MrJamesMay only the colour identifies which is the ham and which the cellophane wrapping

Debate raging among guests at the May household. Who else has a clear picture of what I mean if I say ‘plastic ham’?

@JamesAHogg2 he should have had a boy's name opposite each girl's name on the dial, and a double - ended pointer. I've been taking this much too literally.

Good afternoon from sunny Bangkok, where I am experiencing my first Thai hangover. Before I choose which establishment I’m having a hair of the dog in, I thought I’d treat you all to one of my favourite Dave Allen sketches. Remember this one? It’s an absolute banger, IMVHO. Although he worked with other writers, I’m led to believe that the majority of the religion based sketches were written by the man himself. Clever chap, wasn’t he? And a good egg too, by all accounts. Toodlepip.

@eoinyk @TipperaryCoCo Obviously to discourage pavement parking- look at the yellow lines and the corner

No one knows why Thurles Town Council or @TipperaryCoCo put these concrete flower pots on the footpath, forcing pedestrians onto the road into the face of oncoming traffic. It's a mystery like many Irish urban design decisions.

@theiaincameron It conflicts with the advice to pedestrians to wait for a gap in traffic and then cross. And confusion => accidents.

Absolutely loving the ‘you can’t expect cars to stop on a busy main road’ comments on my timeline. Incredible stuff.

Once again on this morning's run I found out that the level of ignorance on rule 170 (H2) of the Highway Code is widespread. Despite the HC changing in 2022, many drivers in the UK remain unaware that they should yield when pedestrians are either waiting to cross or have 1/2

@bunothanboy The other one!

Port Ellen?

@Badgeraz @UndisScot Jura ferry is tiny. That's the Calmac to/from Kennacraig.

@UndisScot Islay, ferry from Jura arriving at Port Askaig

WHERE IN SCOTLAND? Where is this? This is part of an image that appears somewhere on Undiscovered Scotland. Please reply with your answers. We'll award kudos to the first correct response before posting the next in the series tomorrow.

@kokeshimum @leodolan69420 Reform, then Restore . Hopefully they'll split again and have Revile who don't like non- white people, and Revoke who want to deport people with settled status. And they can fight among themselves.

@leodolan69420 He’s even worse.

My 15 year old has a mate who dumped her boyfriend cos he said he’d vote for Reform. 🥺

@Dr_TheHistories Their picture in our school history book was captioned "Match Girls on Strike"

In July 1888, in the choking heat of London’s East End, around 1,400 women and teenage girls walked out of the Bryant & May match factory and into history. They were poor. Many were Irish. Most were teenagers supporting entire families on wages so low that a single fine—for talking, for dropping a match, for being a minute late—could mean going hungry. Inside the factory, they worked with white phosphorus, a chemical that slowly poisoned them. It ate away at their jaws, caused abscesses that glowed faintly in the dark, and left some disfigured or dead. They called it “phossy jaw.” Management denied responsibility. The girls were told they were lucky to have work at all. When activist Annie Besant published an exposé condemning the conditions, the company tried to intimidate workers into signing statements against her. Instead, the girls did something no one expected: they organized. Led by women like Sarah Chapman—literate, strategic, and fearless—they marched out together. They had no formal union. No wealth. No political power. What they had was collective anger and courage. Public sympathy surged. Donations came in. Meetings were held. Within weeks, management was forced to negotiate. Fines were abolished. Conditions improved. The women formed one of Britain’s first unions for unskilled workers. #drthehistories

@PaulSchleifer I designed a new railway station. The Queen came to open it; I wasn't invited but all the chairmen and chief execs were.

TWO ARMS, TWO LEGS When I was young my grandmother Took me to see the Queen. ‘It’s going to be a special day. Best thing you’ve ever seen.’ I stood there in a great big crowd Who’d waited half the day. Small woman in a big black car. She waved. It drove away. I didn’t understand why they Were making all that fuss. ‘She lives a royal life’ said Nan. ‘Not for the likes of us’. ‘But Nan, she looks like you and me!’ She called me a disgrace. And since that day my family knew I’d never ‘know my place’. Attila the Stockbroker