LukeDeco

@liamgallagher Glad ya did that Wonderwall tune

@ProfBrianCox @MrJamesMay Hi Brian, have you assumed for ease, a 1:1 bitter to urine ratio, or did you allow for any absorption and filtration in those numbers

@MrJamesMay I make that around 30,000 pints. So it’s a small fraction. Back of the envelope - you’ve drunk around 70 thousand cubic light seconds worth of the Universe.

Dear Prof. Cox, If I have drunk, on average, 12 pints of bitter per week since 1980, what percentage of the observable universe’s total mass has passed through my penis?

@Skint_Eastwood1 His excuse was, its her birthday tomorrow - saved you a click

🚔 UK Police Officer Left Gobsmacked by Driver’s Excuse for Speeding at 104mph 😳 A police officer pulls over a driver for speeding, and gets an excuse he’s never heard before. Officer: “Do you know why I’ve stopped you?” Driver: “Speeding?” Officer: “Correct. What speed do you think you were doing?” Driver: “I think around 80–85mph.” Officer: “No… 104mph.” The officer then asks why he was speeding. The driver’s reply leaves him stunned: Officer: “To be honest with you, I’ve never heard that as an excuse for speeding.” Unfortunately for the driver, the excuse didn’t work. He was reported for exceeding the speed limit.

@seyirnotlari 10.5kg

Sadece pratik zekaya sahip olanlar yapabilecek! Sünger bob'un kilosu nedir?

@ecidhani @utdshows Happy with the points? We are happy after 38 games

@utdshows The fact that Cunha’s celebration still lives rent free in Arsenal fans’ heads is sending me😂😂

🚨🎙️ Zlatan Ibrahimovic teasing Thierry Henry about Matheus Cunha’s celebration: 🗣️ Zlatan: "I love this Cunha surfing celebration. And I think you love it too, right Henry?" 😄 🗣️ Henry: "Nah, I don't." 🗣️ Zlatan: "Why? Because it brings back certain memories every time you see it?" 😂 🗣️ Henry: "There’s nothing special about the celebration." 🗣️ Zlatan: "Admit it... You just don’t want to say it out loud — typical Arsenal fan behaviour. 😅 The celebration is everywhere now. It started in the Premier League, now it’s at the World Cup, and I can’t wait to see it in the Champions League next season… maybe against Arsenal.” 😭😂

@JFV92 @Josema272004 So do Wales , Scotland and NI

@Josema272004 No, es de Reino Unido y Gibraltar tiene su propia selección de fútbol

Inglaterra y España no comparten frontera

@MsAnya26 @MorganBarrettX Jc does say he’s still new to farming and doesn’t understand the test, he just needs educating

@MorganBarrettX Wow tell me you don't understand a Veterinary test without telling me you don't understand a Veterinary test. That testing regime we do it in Ireland aswell, it's to try to eradicate it! If you vaccinate, all the Cows will present with Antibodies and you can't tell-

Jeremy Clarkson’s Farm show on Amazon is the most radicalizing piece of mainstream media I’ve ever seen Just one example (bear with me): Badgers became a protected species in Britain 40+ years ago. The population has exploded and now frequently transmits tuberculosis to cows But farmers can’t cull the badger population to protect their cattle because the government still considers them to be endangered Instead of addressing the root cause, the UK has the most batshit testing regime for cattle There’s no TB vaccine. So the cattle have to get tested. The vets administering the test have to measure welts on the cows neck. Whether a cow lives or dies comes down to a vet trying to discern 1mm on a caliper (reactive vs non reactive). If a cow tests positive, the farm (already running on super thin margins) is quarantined and starts hemorrhaging money. Jeremy Clarkson’s cow (pregnant with twins) has an inconclusive test so it’s separated from the herd. It receives a second inconclusive test so they have to kill it (before it can give birth to the twins). Now here’s the kicker: the autopsy reveals no sign of TB. It was a healthy cow needlessly killed So - silver lining the farm should be removed from quarantine, right? WRONG - it’s still under quarantine and has to keep testing and can’t sell its beef Kafkaesque doesn’t even begin to describe how f’d up it is for British farmers

Just drink it in!!!! Enjoy it dont live in spite

@curtiswoodhous8 Mf aint fully fit

Remember when Saka was a generational talent and if you didn’t agree you was a hater. Now he’s sat on the bench for Noni Madueke. Good player, was never any more than that.

Boozer for 6pm tonate ready for Inglund means only 1 thing

@BasilTheGreat You think the government dont know exactly what you’re doing anyway is hilarious btw

🚨NEWS: Keir Starmer has announced that due to the under 16’s social media ban he is about to make law. Every adult in the UK will have to prove who they are to use social media. Anonymity online is now officially dead

I dunno, maybe better themselves and stop getting polluted like the younger millennials and gen z’s

Mood

@FrancisChipp Any champions are only champions because teams below them dropped points, what a stupid tweet

Arsenal are only champions because Manchester City dropped points in games they wouldn’t normally, to carry on like this is extremely embarrassing.

“Been given a time frame”, poor dads on death bed and you’re like, ite, call you in 2 hour, yeah you’re a pos

Valid

@desertpenguin68 @mustbedriver Or Brain science

@mustbedriver Hold the wheel at the bottom. It isn't rocket surgery.

🧑‍🌾Kaleb: who is he? Clarckson: He's a F1 driver... 🧑‍🌾Kaleb: So he should piss this Clarckson: ...he can go through Eau Rouge flat out, which is incredibly difficult and a brave thing to do (Struggling to reverse a tractor...) But he is from the city... 😂😂

@DjedSpence Have some shame

👀🔓

أكثر ما يميز ديكلان رايس هو عقليته وطريقة تعامله مع اللحظات الصعبة. بعد خسارة النهائي بركلات الترجيح، التقطته الكاميرات وهو يشاهد احتفالات لاعبي باريس سان جيرمان مبتسمًا، ثم أوضح لاحقًا أنه كان يفكر في أن ما يعيشه باريس اليوم بعد سنوات من الإخفاقات قد يعيشه فريقه في المستقبل أيضًا. وهذا ينسجم مع شخصيته؛ فبعد خسارة فريقه أمام مانشستر سيتي خلال صراع الدوري، ظهر وهو يقول: "لم ينتهِ الأمر بعد"، قبل أن ينجح فريقه لاحقًا في تحقيق اللقب. هذه العقلية القائمة على الإيمان والعمل والاستمرار هي من أبرز نقاط قوة رايس.

@PartycowVelo @Tesco Private land, free toilet paper

£70 fine for parking in @Tesco car park for 96 minutes doing my weekly shop in the store. Absolutely disgusting.