Michael Simon

@KILLTOPARTY 50 eggs each wtf

Some kids are just assholes

@MattMcCarthy985 At the very least Duran and Anthony need to swap

This lineup just doesn't work. Their best two hitters are Anthony and Abreu, and there are 3 hitters in between them to kill rallies. Duran isn't an RBI guy, and he's batting third. Durbin is 0-for-2026 and is protecting Abreu. I'm down on the job Cora is doing right now.

@elonmusk Right I’m sure it has nothing to do with Covid, streaming, and inflation

Inevitable

@mnkuchka @ClappedCollins 1000% accurate about Poole and Wiggins. Steph got exactly what he needed from them

@ClappedCollins Steph magic, Wiggins and Poole stepping up, and lights being too bright for Tatum/ brown

How on Earth did the Golden State Warriors win the championship in 2022 dude Klay was washed, Draymond ass, that roster was mid, the Celtics don’t get enough slander for losing to that crap

@BillSimmons MLB used to do this but they stopped this year

My new passion project — fixing the NBA League Pass timeout content crisis

@ELMAGAIN @Daisy12735 I can’t imagine that this line of thinking—that your children are mind-controlled and don’t have their own thoughts—aren’t the main reason for the distance. Why aren’t his opinions as valid as yours

@Daisy12735 I'm praying they come back to you! It's so hard watching the amount of mind control over this generation.

Either hell has frozen over or we had a major shift. My oldest son, who wrote me off 5 years ago, texted me today. He changed numbers, so I have not been able to contact him. Please let this be a good shift. I miss my kid

@irateconsumer69 @ELMAGAIN @AmandaCiavola Woke up from what

@ELMAGAIN @AmandaCiavola Oh. Go back to not contacting him then. He gave up on thousands of years of ancestry to chase boy butt. You can’t forgive that. It is a choice, and he deprived you of grandchildren. Do not welcome his surrogate children he deprives from their mother into your family

@SleeperWarriors Are you sure he didn’t just miss the pass

Look at this Brandin Podziemski pass👀

@RollingStone The wait’s not over, we just now know when it will be over

It’s been four long years since Olivia Rodrigo released a new album, but the wait for OR3 is over. 'You Seem Pretty Sad For a Girl So in Love,' her third LP, will arrive on June 12. More details: rollingstone.com/music/music-ne…

@OwenSparks Ah good call, thank you!

@morlium Most likely velcro so it can stick to their clothing and other points throughout Orion

New iPhones are being packed into the suits of the Artemis II Crew! There is something very familiar about the iPhone look that will make the Moon feel accessible, we are literally going to see the lunar surface through the same lens we use to capture our own lives every day.

@OwenSparks Hey Owen, I'm from Macworld and wondering if you know what this black circle under the camera is?

😂

@realjoeymUS @MarioNawfal Even if this were true, this shouldn’t be one of the things a leader of a nation does each day

@MarioNawfal Stop the pearl clutching. I know you and many others are used to politicians that can only manage to do 1 or 2 things a day, but it is normal for leaders of nations to be able to handle several tasks a day sometimes at the same time. This is why Trump runs circles are them.

🚨🇺🇸 The President of the United States woke up this morning and posted a 150-word personal attack on Bruce Springsteen. Called him a dried up prune. Insulted his plastic surgeon. Told his supporters to boycott concerts that "suck." Somewhere a CENTCOM briefing is waiting. Somewhere four astronauts are floating toward the Moon. Somewhere oil traders are checking $108 on their screens. And Trump had the nerves.

@TheTSD_updates bc she makes the rules and doesn’t need to do anything she doesn’t want to

Dumb question but… what’s really stopping Taylor Swift from performing at award shows this era? 😭 She’s in demand, she could perform anytime, so why isn’t she? I’m not even thinking about how a performance could boost her Spotify streams, I just want to hear her live vocals again and see what stunning costumes she’d wear on stage. I really miss seeing her perform 😭

@HighyieldHarry lol isn’t the whole premise for maga bringing back the r word is that isn’t an insult for libs and isn’t actually describing people with downs

Look I think a lot of ppl slip up and say words they normally don’t say when they’re angry, but how embarrassing is it seeing a large VC lean into trying to professionalize the R-Word?

@Ike_Saul But he was swatted by the libs at least twice

This massive account, constantly boosted on X, Matt Van Swol, is a total grift. He claims to be a Democrat turned Republican, "radicalized" (originally) by all manner of events from 2022-2025, but has been a Trump guy since at least 2015. It's all just totally made up.

@EODHappyCaptain Kid’s never gonna want a regular grilled cheese again

My wife made my kid dinner for April Fools day: a grilled cheese. Only, it was pound cake with vanilla frosting. He was presently surprised. It even fooled me. What do you think? Does it look like a real grilled cheese?

@floppatakes I’m confused is this not a commentary about manners

standing in line at chipotle and this dude in front of me says "hi can i have a burrito please" lmfao ☠️☠️☠️☠️

@Trecee82728 @Raindropsmedia1

@Raindropsmedia1 OK, looking like Candace Owens🤭✨

They turned the NBA player into a female for an April Fools’ prank using AI. Which one stands out? 👀🤔😭

@gregkellyusa Me checking the account that posted this

So what if those “fly boys” flew by Madonna’s house and Took a Bow? Or Robert DeNiro. That would Not be cool, right? But it’s just fine for Kid Rockhead? What an amateur move, posting it on Social Media. Meanwhile HEGSETH runs the Pentagon like he ran his phony “non-profits” —RECKLESSLY. He has No business Micro-Managing Army Units. They MUST Discipline Hot Dog Pilots performing Unauthorized Stunts. Because Next Time something could go Very Very Bad.