OhThatGregPorter

My sandwich has seen things.

@DocAtCDI That's OK. I'm OK with it.

I have a social work joke, but I haven't had time to document it yet.

Now that Zack Short has his first hit, we can all relax and the Tigers will start a long winning streak. @DetroitTigersPR

Hoveringbirds would have been a better name. Hummingbirds don't hum. They make a noise similar to a plane. And they know the words to all the songs I play out my windows.

@WillieHandler Good thing it’s not Seven Dwarves Syndrome.

Been feeling a little grumpy , achy and run down lately, so I Googled my symptoms to see what I might have. It's old age. I've got old age!

I eat my peas with honey, I’ve done it my whole life It makes the peas taste, funny, But it keeps them on the knife

There were never any vampires in American Jazz. Unless you Count Basie.

@scru2luse Now conjugate: Igrained Yougrained Wegrained

Migraine Yourgraine Ourgraine

@Sheepheadsez The comfy chair?

I'm gonna find you and hit you with a chair

@schumoo Lift? I use cursive to make little hearts over each i after I finish the last m.

Prove you're not a robot by writing the word minimum in cursive, not lifting the writing utensil to dot the "i"s until the end.

Before candy bars were invented, candy had to drink at home.

The difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist is - a rock guitarist will play 4 notes in front of 1,000 people. A jazz guitaris will play 1,000 notes in front of 4 people.

The work van in front of me had chosen a bad font for the word "comfort". Cursive is bad enough these days, with the youth being unable to read OR write it. As I sat there at the light, I kept pronouncing it the way I saw it Comfont Comfont Comfont

@MisterD78UK And I always think, alphabetical or numerical?

When someone says "they should get their affairs in order" I always think "damn how many affairs are they having, ffs?"

@thrluv Taken out of context, a margarita pool sounds cool. Watch out for the salt around the rim.

a margarita pool side would fix me right now

@DocAtCDI Monday is always tight and hot. So. Natch!

PSA: Monday Must be a man.... It comes too quickly, #DocAfterDark

Just so you know... the botanical garden in Brussels sprouts every day.

Why is it called a gas station restroom, and not an IP address?

I had a drilling joke but won't tell it. Too boring.

Stroh's spelled backwards explains how they strain the beer before putting it into cans.

@7why__ydm Yep. Missed you at last week's meeting. Wanna tell me why?

if someone tells you, "you're weird," what would you reply with ??