you don't know me

Do I DM? No, well maybe, if I’ve interacted with you in some way other than following you back then maybe. But for the most part I’m fucking married what the hell do you want? I’m not folding your underwear or making you dinner.

Question @TheCookingGuild so if you purchase something from a company and they take your money and never deliver the product is that theft or fraud or both? #askingforafriend #scam #BadService

I reserve the right to change my mind at anytime without owing anyone an explanation

Do I text my mother? Yes…do I say random stuff? Also yes…,

Who would like to see my husbands toes? All feet all the time.

I expect every Republican who was outraged at people for celebrating Charlie Kirk’s death to immediately condemn Trump for saying “I’m glad he’s dead” about Robert Mueller. This is disgusting.

Fuck health insurance companies.

Jeff Bezos paid $50M for a wedding. He just got a $16B tax break. He laid off 60k people. And you’re furious about a kid getting a free school lunch.

Once upon a time I drank Gin and Juice. Now I drink a calming chamomile tea. We are not the same.

Just me and my unhealthy coping mechanisms against the world

I have Fomofo, Fear of Motherfuckers.

How am I? Fuck you winter.

If you think I’m crazy you should hear the voice in my head. That bitch is unhinged.

In my world “dry clean only” translates to “throw it in the washer and hope for the best”

I’m one traumatic event away from walking into the woods, befriending a raccoon, and letting it make all my future decisions

Are you guys all watching the season finale of “football” tonight?

After seven long months, we’ve finally reached the end of January.

I’m finally starting to lose the “baby weight.” Now my “baby” is 276 months old but who’s counting?

Me: “My brain is full of feral squirrels.” My son: “Valid” —When your son really knows you

Is anyone really surprised that Donald Trump is trying to force himself on Greenland after it said no? Doing things without consent is kinda his thing