Low T Guy

Just gonna flex on the TL today that my FUCKIN STUDENT LOANS ARE PAID OFF!!!

@nmjcu Crossing my fingers for you 🍻

@pisshamster thank youuuu I’m so excited I hope I win

the bar I drink at is doing awards and I’m nominated :~)

Dont get the hype around this now my floor is gross

Im gonna crack an egg with my bicep later if anyone wants to see that lemme know

Condoms dont really guarantee full protection during sex. A friend of mine was wearing one and he got shot by the girls boyfriend.

Could only name 4 of the 7 oceans earlier. Felt kinda bad about how dumb I'm getting but then I looked it up to see what I was missing and it turns out there's only 5. Still sharp as a tack motha fucka 😎

i faked a nut before and the bitch started lookin for it. 😂

@toebr0gan I always related more to Bender so basically about the same

@pisshamster I’d say my intellect is on par with Fry’s so that checks out.

The early bird gets the worm but the worm was up grinding too and got ate so what does that mean

(on a first date) if i sink my teeth into your neck are you more of a play dead prey or futile struggle prey

Saw a license plate that read "131BULL" Today. So if you're a cuck or a hotwife on the lookout in the 131 i got you i guess

really good image I saved for some reason

@chribdotnet My dad hipped me to this recipe called "Crapola" basically a pound of ground beef and as many potatoes you want and once that's all cooked you add a can of cream of mushroom and season it with whatever the hell you want. Goated struggle meal tbh

please, i’m begging you to interact: what are meals that are easy to make, cheap to make, good AND nutritious? like REAL MEALS. i have been subsisting off protein bars and electrolyte water and my body is begging for more lmfao

Its a good thing im not on regular bar patron hours y'all would be sick of hearing Linger by The Cranberries on the touchtunes 3 hours a day

Twink Kurt Cobain be like:

We have a double date today with a new mom friend and I've never met her husband before and my husband asked me what if he thinks the pyramids were built to generate electricity or something. How is that your worst case scenario

@m4dder4ll Honestly just the hates me part

I got asked what my type is and we’ve narrowed it down to tattoos, makes less money than me, and actively hates me

"im in your city" cool have fun

@_toesocks I mean im gonna go out on a limb here and say realizing you are going to get divorced

Is there any mortification greater than talking to a drunk person while sober