Rock Foster

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Rock Foster

Rock Foster

@rock_foster

Writer of #mentalhealth comedies with 5* ratings Nine Doors and Eight Doors, and emotional novella A Christmas Carl.

Sunderland Katılım Şubat 2009
2K Takip Edilen266 Takipçiler
Fesshole🧻
Fesshole🧻@fesshole·
I took someone to a supermarket as part of a first date because of the lyrics to Common People by Pulp.
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Fesshole🧻
Fesshole🧻@fesshole·
I'm on a Facebook group for Caravan Owners who've been ripped off by the Park Site Management. I often post stories about my various caravans that I pay exorbitant fees for and the money I've lost; never owned a caravan in my life but it's nice to feel part of a community.
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Fesshole🧻
Fesshole🧻@fesshole·
I'm really annoyed that the 3 digit code on my new debit card is 666 but I obviously can't tell anyone.
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Rock Foster
Rock Foster@rock_foster·
@ChelseaFC just want to put a word in for my mate Carney. He supports Chelsea and reckons he'd be a good manager. He once came 4th in our fantasy league which probably seems like a giddy height right now for you. He's also a PE teacher so has his own whistle and sports socks.
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Rock Foster
Rock Foster@rock_foster·
@ubereats_uk driver accepted mcdelivery order then waited over an hour before going to collect. Sat for 30 mins in another town. Watched on map then went to restaurant same time as him to find my order. McDonald's say complaint is for #ubereats and not them. Have screenshots.
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Rock Foster
Rock Foster@rock_foster·
@McDonaldsUK I have experienced the worst McDonald's order I have ever had. It was stone cold and missing BOTH the double quarter cheese and the double cheeseburger, as well as all of the sauces. My order number was 59B8D. No reply from Ryhope Road store, Sunderland. #mcdonalds
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Rock Foster
Rock Foster@rock_foster·
When you realise how much you have in common with the current best MMA fighters in the world. Same height as 3rd from left, same weight as second from right 🙈 @ufc #ufc #mma #MMATwitter
Rock Foster tweet media
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Fesshole🧻
Fesshole🧻@fesshole·
I stole my stepdad's wedding ring, pawned it to buy Be Here Now on cassette and an ounce of resin and had the best couple of days. Unrelated, my Mam accused him of losing his ring while away on work and taking it off for affairs, so they split. Banging album though.
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Rock Foster
Rock Foster@rock_foster·
@StephenMulhern the show was absolutely amazing and I’m so excited to read Max Magic and practise your other tricks! Watch you all the time, love Eva-Lauren x @Butlins (p.s. you’re my fave, not Ant & Dec)
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Rock Foster
Rock Foster@rock_foster·
@StephenMulhern I loved your show today it was out of this world! You’ve made me want to do some of my own magic! @Butlins
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Rock Foster
Rock Foster@rock_foster·
@GMU12PHY @fesshole They’ve said Head Teacher of English. Casts doubt to the efficacy of their post.
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Fesshole🧻
Fesshole🧻@fesshole·
I am a head teacher of English and though I love books and reading I absolutely despise the syllabus I am forced to teach but have to pretend that I agree with it. It's utter, utter bollocks; no wonder so many young people hate reading.
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Fesshole🧻
Fesshole🧻@fesshole·
To delay orgasm during coitus I simply imagine eating someone else's bogeys. Utterly, utterly repellent. Not my bogeys obviously. Those are delicious.
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Fesshole🧻
Fesshole🧻@fesshole·
I love alone which has many perks, including eating dinner with my hands if possible. Yesterday was sausages, jacket potato and corn on the cob. Why use cutlery that you gotta wash up if no one is watching?
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Fesshole🧻
Fesshole🧻@fesshole·
Not overweight, but noticed that my wife is now regularly giving me the smallest potion when we have our family 'treat" meals. It's that, more than our complete lack of physical intimacy for 20 years, that makes me think it's all coming to an end.
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Rock Foster
Rock Foster@rock_foster·
@fesshole What if the next man/woman was an alcoholic?
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Fesshole🧻
Fesshole🧻@fesshole·
Not alcoholic, just like beer as much as the next man/woman. However, have developed an inordinate fondness for having a beer on the dog walk. Think it's partly managing to sneak a can out the house but there's nothing so grand as walking the golf course at dusk enjoying a beer.
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