slim

it was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Funny how we complain about a movie being too long but then sit and binge 6 hour long episodes of a netflix show in one sitting

I sleep with a baseball bat under my bed in case my soulmate breaks in

If it’s not “dishwasher safe” it’s not welcome in my home.

Shout out to the people who never make you question where you stand with them.

Occasionally I like to disappear and leave people guessing; did she die, was she abducted or is she happy?

You call it intermittent fasting. I do that naturally with depression.

There’s just something about a crazy woman that makes men both more alert and less alert at the same time.

Don’t look back. That’s where your ex lives.

Thank your brain for the amount of work it does every day!

When it’s time to put my winter coats away for the year, I always put a few chicken nuggets in all my pockets. That way when I get the coats back out, I got a nice little surprise.

Twitter is the dive bar of social media

I wish I was rich enough to say “I’ll send for the rest of my things” as I make a dramatic exit out the door.

I can't deal with this increasing of entertaining nonsense out there. Nonsense used to be in the backroom, now it's in the living room

Golf was invented so people would know how big hail was

I guess the world is pretty hostile to the tired.

no one posts with the intention of being ignored

just watched Free Solo. I gotta say, this is the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen. absolutely astounding.

I miss the part of my brain that remembers if I took a pill or not

I wish more dumb people were shy

If you are attracted to both men and women but neither are attracted to you, you're bi-yourself.