Herdsman of the Anus

If this happens to me on the way to polls Nov. 3, I will RISE FROM THE DEAD and KEEP WALKING to vote for DONALD JOHN TRUMP

@RonDeSantis FEARSOME ON THE MOUND

True. No doubt about it.

@JackArcherBrand Do these pants give ample room for one’s sac?

Packed light. Landed sharp.

@kingofalldicks1 @iqrafatma1278 I would ‘draw wood’ if somebody gave me a roll of quarters…cool as hell

@iqrafatma1278 Unreal how plain ungrateful people can be.

Some guy tipped me ten dollars in quarters, and I’m still trying to figure out what kind of person thinks that’s acceptable. I just finished a DoorDash order, and he casually mentions he forgot to tip in the app—which, fine, not ideal, whatever. Then he dramatically pulls out a literal roll of quarters like he’s handing me the crown jewels. He looks me dead in the eye and says, “Sorry man, I didn’t tip on the app, this is all I’ve got.” Yeah, thanks. I love holding a handful of coins like it’s 1998. I don’t use change. I’m not a parking meter. I’m not walking around with rolls of quarters or dumping them into a Coinstar just to get the money I already earned. I took it because arguing over coins isn’t how I planned to spend my day, but that doesn’t make it okay. Tipping in quarters is peak absurdity. Tip in the app, tip in bills, tip digitally—literally anything that doesn’t involve me schlepping around loose metal. Acting like this is normal? Pure comedy. And yes, no one should ever think a pocketful of coins counts as a tip.

@JacobKinge @PollsTesla I almost could see an investor buying into his ideas… But once you actually hear his goofy voice, how can you still invest?

JUST IN: Michael Saylor’s Bitcoin-backed preferred stock, STRC, has just plunged to $85.32, its lowest level in history. The company is expected to be forced to sell several million more in Bitcoin in the coming days to avoid margin calls.

Markets are closed today. Volatility is never easy. Bitcoin keeps working. So do we. Thank you for your support.

@SenRandPaul Well done! Comey is a vile SCUMBAG

#throwbackthursday Only one senator opposed the confirmation of James Comey as FBI director. It was me.

@kingofalldicks1 She doesn’t seem scared enough…

Insane.

@PeterSchiff @CNBC Schiff is going BALLS DEEP on Saylor

Crickets today from @CNBC on the collapse of $STRC, the selloff in $MSTR, its widening discount to NAV, and what that portends for future common stock or Bitcoin sales. CNBC provided Saylor with lots of airtime to scam their audience. The least they can do is report their losses.

@elonmusk Looks like young Zen with hair @thezencomic @shalomshuli @kingofalldicks1

…

@PeterSchiff @saylor I want in on this fucking investment

$STRC just traded below $89.50. That means that risk-averse retirees whom @Saylor convinced to buy last month are already down over 10.5%, almost an entire year's 11.5% yield. Worse, to bail them out, $MSTR will have to raise the yield to 13%, destroying more shareholder value.

@geno_bisconte @WhiteGuysComedy @chadzumock @EarlSkakel NASA pic from Mars

Imagine being able to lay out in the sun after two glorious nights of Stand up Comedy. I don't know which would be harder for @WhiteGuysComedy okay... go back to your #CashLOLCow @chadzumock @EarlSkakel did a send Kevvu the tape yet 💖

@Ross__Hendricks Does Saylor even get laid?

It had to end this way

@narendramodi @AlsisiOfficial @G7 TWO HOT GUYS

Met President Abdel Fattah El-Sisi of Egypt on the sidelines of the Evian G7 Summit. India cherishes the long-standing friendship with Egypt. @AlsisiOfficial @G7

@kingofalldicks1 @SoPrettyDoodles

I miss Stuttering John. Like a lot...

@geno_bisconte @tommyamado @keanuCthompson @RichCarucci64 @The_SecretShow

we back... July 28th at Rodney's @tommyamado @keanuCthompson @RichCarucci64 @The_SecretShow rodneysnewyorkcomedyclub.com/shows/geno-and…

@nypost Did he DRAW WOOD?

Katy Perry and Justin Trudeau pack on the PDA during a picnic in Santa Barbara trib.al/V1LNfVV

@CardiffElect @pepsi Why did you not run @stutteringjohnm ‘s Super Bowl ad last year??

@pepsi Coke

How do you prefer your Pepsi? can, bottle, fountain, or other

@kingofalldicks1 @Rainmaker1973 @thebookofpoop They don’t sue one another?

@Rainmaker1973 @thebookofpoop Monkeys never do more than taunt each other.

This is the astonishing moment two rival gangs of wild monkeys fought each other. This usually happens when a group of monkeys normally well fed by visitors meets another group and a feud can take place.

@TreyYingst @DavidAsmanfox Seriously, you are basically the only good reporter that I can name

@DavidAsmanfox Thank you

There’s never been a better reporter covering the most complex, dangerous area in the world…Trey Yingst.