Cyber Kyle

@JohnSlinger You funny

I continue to strongly support the Prime Minister.

@ronsterd89 In the early days you dialled 8081

Does anyone remember (in the UK) the talking clock? I can't remember what we had to dial, maybe 123 or something similar.

@Keir_Starmer Sorry is this from 1 April?

I was in the Middle East this week. Here’s why.

@Keir_Starmer @wesstreeting Was it a clown show gathering?

@jk_rowling Gutted. Was your biggest 48 year old fanboy until this post.

I fear this might be my most controversial take ever, but I agreed to put it to a vote so here we are. Hoodies should only be worn by men young enough not to look silly carrying a skateboard.

@Tech_girlll @willGreeny I actually found it funny. Oops

@willGreeny It’s not funny now?

claude code is fucking insane i know literally NOTHING about coding. ZERO. and i just built a fully functioning web app in minutes. http://localhost:3000/ check it out Don’t forget to leave a comment.

@Keir_Starmer Why are you so boring?

I will always fight for what’s best for my country, for the British people, and for our way of life.

@TheFreds @danwootton @RupertLowe10 @maitlis Lovely couple

@RupertLowe10 @maitlis

I have just sat in a room all week listening to women describe how they were brutally raped by gangs of Pakistani Muslims, and how the authorities did nothing for fear of being labelled 'racist'. So please let me be abundantly clear here, @maitlis. You are full of shit.

@SteveReedMP Do you have any idea how badly you are coming across on this Good Morning Britain interview? Aren’t the public owed straight answers to simple questions without ramming a full dose of Orwellian Doublespeak down our throats?

@gothburz This is sincerely the most brilliant post there has ever been in the history of the internet.

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees. $30 per seat per month. $1.4 million annually. I called it "digital transformation." The board loved that phrase. They approved it in eleven minutes. No one asked what it would actually do. Including me. I told everyone it would "10x productivity." That's not a real number. But it sounds like one. HR asked how we'd measure the 10x. I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards." They stopped asking. Three months later I checked the usage reports. 47 people had opened it. 12 had used it more than once. One of them was me. I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds. It took 45 seconds. Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations. But I called it a "pilot success." Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail. The CFO asked about ROI. I showed him a graph. The graph went up and to the right. It measured "AI enablement." I made that metric up. He nodded approvingly. We're "AI-enabled" now. I don't know what that means. But it's in our investor deck. A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT. I said we needed "enterprise-grade security." He asked what that meant. I said "compliance." He asked which compliance. I said "all of them." He looked skeptical. I scheduled him for a "career development conversation." He stopped asking questions. Microsoft sent a case study team. They wanted to feature us as a success story. I told them we "saved 40,000 hours." I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up. They didn't verify it. They never do. Now we're on Microsoft's website. "Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot." The CEO shared it on LinkedIn. He got 3,000 likes. He's never used Copilot. None of the executives have. We have an exemption. "Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction." I wrote that policy. The licenses renew next month. I'm requesting an expansion. 5,000 more seats. We haven't used the first 4,000. But this time we'll "drive adoption." Adoption means mandatory training. Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches. But completion will be tracked. Completion is a metric. Metrics go in dashboards. Dashboards go in board presentations. Board presentations get me promoted. I'll be SVP by Q3. I still don't know what Copilot does. But I know what it's for. It's for showing we're "investing in AI." Investment means spending. Spending means commitment. Commitment means we're serious about the future. The future is whatever I say it is. As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

@JDVance Amen to that

Yesterday at church the Bible readings started on page 66-67 of the missal, and my 5-year-old went absolutely nuts repeating "six seven" like 10 times. And now I think we need to make this narrow exception to the first amendment and ban these numbers forever.

@thamesclippers your service is seriously crap. Massive queues at Canary Wharf. Staff that don’t know their arse from elbow. Zero communication.